Unwanted

14. Words

Dear fellow followers that have been up to date of what has been happening these past days,
I own all of you an explanation of why things are the way they are right now and why I, differently to Dylan and Tom, didn't try to explain anything.
Yes, me and Dylan did fight. It wasn't really a fight. He heard me say something that hurt him a lot. And I'm sorry to say that. And yes, Tom was there and I know that some Medias are blaming him but that is not the truth! Firstly I want to clarify that Tom Holland had nothing to do with this situation. It were my words that hurt Dylan. NOTHING ELSE. So please I ask you to keep Tom out of this and let him live his happy life in peace. Stop blaming him or anything alike. Tom I wanted to thank you for trying to fix stuff right after they happened and again, I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess.

Secondly, I wanted to apologise for not saying anything about this. I know that the two boys did and it may be disrespectful towards the ones who wanted to be justified about Dylan's happiness, that I didn't do like them. I own all of you excuses. Yes the story is real. I did hurt Dylan but before you start attacking me please give me a chance to explain.
All the stories are true. What you saw at the Paris premier yesterday was really the way Dylan feels towards me. And I understand why. The way Dylan answered shortly and didn't smile while being with me is comprehensible. He has his reasons and I accept that. Dylan isn't a bad person. He doesn't pretend to feel comfortable with someone when he doesn't. So he had no reason to pretend stuff was okay between the two of us when they weren't.
I know Dylan said everything was fine in his tweet, but it is not. And please don't smash Dylan down for lying to you. Everything he was doing was making sure people wouldn't come after me.

So now what you guys deserve; the truth.
Yes, me and Dylan were taking a coffee together when Tom came in and started chatting with us. Yes, I said that I didn't love Dylan in any kind of way. Yes, Dylan left the café right after that. Yes, I hurted my friend. But no, I did not intend to do so.

I wasn't thinking properly of what I was letting out with my thoughts in a literal mess when all of this happened. I told things I shouldn't. I lied to Tom but the most important is that I said something to my best friend that wasn't true at all.

Yes. Dylan O'Brien is my best friend. Or at least was. I'm not sure if he will ever manage to trust me again. I don't know if this between us will ever become the way they were. But I do know that Dylan will give me a second chance. He's not a kind of guy to just give up on things, especially people, that easily.

It's kind surprising and important for me to finally put this up here. To everyone. I never said before that Dylan was important to me but he indeed is. We both were always close. The moment he entered the set and came up to me, making me hold my toilet visit for about half an hour, I knew that stuff would happen between the two of us. And stuff happened indeed. Dylan and I became close very very fast, not making me doubt any second about who's the cast mate I feel closest with. I'm sorry Kaya, but this one goes to him. You're a very good second though.

Now, please give me a chance to explain myself. I didn't mean to hurt my friend. The words I said to him were not meant to be. I appreciate Dylan in every way possible. He is indeed my best friend, making me upside down, do stuff I would never think about 6 years ago. Dylan brings out a new side of me and I'm glad about that. I'm glad I found someone who makes me enjoy life at its fullest. Yesterday was the last time we had anything maze runner related and I am so sorry that we screwed up. Please don't blame Dylan for being so cold and closed when it was anything related to me. Understand his pain just the way I do.

Dylan, I don't blame you. Not at all. You're actually one of the best people I have ever met in my whole life and I understand every act you did yesterday. I understand why you gave me the microphone without even glancing at me, I understand why you made sure that there was always someone between the both of us, and I understand why you didn't talk to me when there wasn't anyone.