Thoughts

Thought

A sudden feeling of acute and disabling anxiety.

A type of anxiety disorder in which you have repeated attacks of intense fear that something bad will happen.

These definitions don't begin to explain what its like. Sometimes I am alone... Others I am around my friends. 

Its starts to get hard to breathe. 

I start to cry.

Voices run through my head telling me how and what everything I did was wrong. 

They remind me of all the rejections. 

All the unfinished sentences.

Alone I let them take hold and cry and cry and cry and cry until the voices leave and I can breath again.

In company I force my self to push the thoughts back and calm myself but sometimes the fear is so over whelming I have to run to the bathroom and let it drag through. 

No matter what you read the feeling is more than words. 

The feeling of being unwanted. 

Not just of people but off the world as if the universe hate you and everything you will become. 

It is in times like these I dream of flying and flying and flying and flying until everything is dark.

I haven't because I have control. But oneday I will not.

"My legs are dangling off the edge,

The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,

I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone.

My legs are dangling off the edge,

A stomach full of pills didn't work again,

I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone."

"Gone too far and yeah I'm gone again,

It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends,

I'm sitting on the edge with my 2 best friends,

Ones a bottle of pills, ones a bottle of gin,

I'm 20 stories up, yeah I'm up at the top,

I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off,

Asphalt to me has never looked so soft,

I bet my momma found my letter, now shes calling the cops,

I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it,

'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance,

Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent,

'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is,

I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife,

But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice,

I never bought a suit before in my life,

But when you go to meet God, you know you wanna look nice."

"So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah I'll see you tomorrow."

"We hit the sky, there goes the light, no more sun, why's it always night?

When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream,

When you can't dream, well, what's life mean?

We feel a little pity, but don't empathize

The old are getting older, watch a young man die,

A Mother and a Son and someone you know, smile at each other and realize you don't,

You don't know what happened to that kid you raised,

What happened to the Father, who swore he'd stay?

I didn't know 'cause you didn't say,

Now Momma feels guilt, yeah Momma feels pain,

When you were young, you never thought you'd die,

Found that you could but too scared to try,

You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye,

Climb to the roof to see if you could fly."

"I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,

Like a bird so high,

Oh I might just try,

I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,

Like a bird so high,

Oh I might just try,

Oh I might just try."

-HollyWood Undead