"It's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood"
After the completion of her year of studying abroad, the Golden Girl returns to Manhattan to settle the enmity with the Golden Boy.
[SEA...
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On the Upper East Side the possibilities are endless. Dom or Krug, Winston or Cartier, Tory or Stella, eventually even the people with everything have to choose.
-Gossip Girl
Sobs reverberate throughout the silent upstairs hallway, the loud cries causes me to worry. My footsteps step onto the varnished wood beneath me, quietly and lightly. Coming to a stop in front of my parents bedroom, my eyes peek through the open crack. Sitting on the floor, my mother sits, cries continue to escape her mouth as she stares at a photo in her hand. Her eyes are red and full of tears, hair in a messy bun and a robe still wrapped around her body. A box rests in front of her, photos scattered on the carpet and a few resting on her lap.
"Psst"
My head jerks to the direction the sound came from, Ezra stands at the end of the hall gesturing me over. I glance at my distraught mother once more before quietly walking to Ezra.
"What's going on?" Ezra asks in a whisper, his eyes alarmed and concerned.
"She's crying" I respond in a low tone.
"You don't say." He remarks in a sassy tone.
"She has her memory box out, staring at photos." I say
Ezra grabs my arm, leading me to the staircase.
"What's today?" He asks in a normal voice level as we descend the stairs.
"The fifteenth. Why?" I respond, my eyebrows creased together as Ezra stops mid-way. My feet come to a halt as well, my eyes focused on Ezra as he appears to be pondering. "Ezra" I say
A sigh escapes his lips, his eyes connect with mine with a look of sorrow. "It's his birthday."
My eyes avert from Ezra "Oh" I say lowly knowing who he's referring to.
"Yeah" Ezra sighs.
The front door swings open, our father walks in, a brown bag in hand. He too appears to be in a state of despair, his grey eyes downcast and shoulders hunched.
"Hey, dad." I say, his eyes divert to Ezra and I as we glance down at him from the staircase.
"Oh, hi kids." He says in a low tone. "I hope you kids are going to Charles saint and sinners party. It'll be fun for you two youngsters." He adds, holding a gentle smile before disappearing into the kitchen.
"They could use the house to themselves" Ezra says
To Chuck's Saint and Sinners party we went, Ezra sits opposite of me of the bar, a glass of bourbon in hand.
"Can't believe it's been thirteen years." He says, his voice doleful and blue eyes reflecting mine, downcast.
"Thirteen years and my mom still cries an ocean." I say before taking a swig of wine.
"A mother will never get over losing a child." Ezra remarks softly.
Before Ezra and I there was Mason, the first child of Seline and Nicholas Blaze. Mason was just sixteen years old exploring Costa Rica when his life was ended short by a malicious mugging. I don't have many memories of him, I was too young to remember. The sounds of my mother's grieving cries is forever imprinted into my brain however.
"He would've been twenty-nine today." Ezra says, a small smile on his lips "God he's old." He chuckles.
My lips curve upward into a smile "To Mason" I say as I hold up my glass of wine for a toast.
"To Mason" Ezra says clinking his glass with mine.
As I bring the glass to my lips, taking a sip of the rose, my eyes land on Nate. In a black suite, Nate stands in a lessening crowd, his bright eyes overlooking the party. His usual messy hair is combed back, his arched eyebrows in perfect view and face defined. A weird unknown feeling takes over the pit of my stomach, what is this feeling?
"It's because of Mason, y'know" Ezra says
My eyes divert to Ezra, he takes a swig of his bourbon but his eyes remain on me. My eyebrows knit together in confusion.
"That mom and dad have an enduring admiration for him" He adds only causing me to become perplexed.
"Who?" I ask
"Archibald" He responds, his hand pointing to the direction where Nate stands.
My eyes lock with Nate's, he was already looking over here.
"With the loss of Mason, Nate took his place. Mom and dad needed someone to direct their love towards, cheer someone on at games, watch them grow. In a way, Nate was like him. I see what they see in him that they saw in Mason. He's just like the son they lost." Ezra explains
My eyes return him, staring at him incredulously. "That doesn't make any sense. You were there." I say, my eyebrows furrowed together as I'm completely bewildered and in a state of disbelief.
"I'm not mom's biological son and I was always away with my mom, she and dad were having a custody dispute during that time." He says
"What about me?" I ask in almost a whisper, a wave of hurt and desolation flooding over me like a tsunami.
"I don't know, V. Maybe because you're a girl, you weren't Mason." Ezra responds, his eyes expressing repentance and pity. His words hit me hard."They still love you, you're their..." He began as he attempted to reassure me.
"But not as much they love him, am I right?" I interject, my eyes staring into his.
His lips part as he appears to be searching for an answer himself.
I rise up from the bar stool, grabbing my clutch from the counter and walking away, hearing Ezra call out my name. My legs carried me out of the party and outside where I attempt to flag down a cab. My arms are wrapped around myself trying to preserve heat, the cool November air causes goosebumps arise on my bare legs and arms. How foolish of me to not bring a coat knowing what season it is.
"Vienna"
My body turns, eyes landing on Nate as he approaches me. "Not now, Nate." I say dully as I return my eyes to the street.
I'd rather not see nor speak to him at this current moment, it hurts me.
"I just wanted to see if you were ok, I saw you blaze out of there" He says, a small smile on his face at his awful pun.
Even when he makes horrible puns, he's still adorable.
"What's wrong?" He asks, his eyes gazing at me filled with worry. He moves closer, his hand gently grazes over my upper arm. My eyes gaze into his as a tingly sensation rushes through me at his mere touch.
"Why do you care?" I ask softly
"Because I care about you, Vienna." He says. His other hand lifts up, softly brushing against my cheek and running back to tuck hair behind my ear.
I move away from him, ignoring the warm feeling in my stomach, the butterflies parading, and heart beating gracefully. I avert my gaze from him, keeping them away from him. My eyes spot a cab that had just pulled over, a woman paying for her service, my ride out.
"We shouldn't be doing this." I say before I moved towards the cab, getting inside and telling the driver to leave.
Left in the dust of rejection by our one and only, Golden Girl, Nate wears his ever so doleful blue puppy eyes. Walking away once again, Vienna, check. Left in forlorn, Nate, check. Golden Couple status: Non-existent
