Trust me, please || J.JK

2: Sleepless

3:30am

Silence.

The world outside tease my sleeplessness with silence. Everyone is fast asleep but here I am staring at the white blank ceiling with blurry eyes.

The nightmares are back at its work.

There's enough tears to blur my sight but not enough to let them trace a path on my trembling cheek. Maybe that's what happens after years of crying daily.

Maybe I've run out of tears.

The monsters surround me in an inky, dark world in my mind.

I've mastered the act to keep them far so they can't touch me but not far enough to blind me from seeing them.

They stay away with their gore faces,staring at me. Claws with blood and slimy liquid dropping from their fangs.

Their spine chilling voices are faint almost disappering. Almost.

They spit fire like words which never fails to incinerate me. But now the scorching pain has reduced.

Maybe I've moved on. Maybe I won't see them again. Maybe I will be able to sleep without these thought afflicting me.

Or have I grew numb?

I toss and turn grabbing my duvet closer to a face the darker side of the room. Assuming the murkiness will aid me sleep.

Time is only numbers marked by my alarm which is on my bedside. It's been hours the last of the daylight has left my room and there's still some while before it makes its appearance again, creeping inside my space.

I am aware of every minute, every moment.

Not able to stay in my room anymore I throw my duvet aside and walk to the kitchen grabbing my phone.

I make myself a cup of hot chocolate contrary to my state, cold. I carefully pad across the small kitchen and move to the patio Wishing I don't wake up my housemate who's room is near the kitchen.

It'll be five years when the clock strikes twelve.

Five years of pure solitude.

I take a deep sigh and blink away the tears which threaten to fall down. I don't want to think about it anymore.

The heat radiating from my cup comforts me. I take a sip as I bend down and lean my arms on the wooden rail.

Trees dance in front of me not caring about the dark.

Thoughts flood into my mind. My mind is constantly regurgitating the worries of the day, the worries of tomorrow. Yet it doesn't give me any bright solution for them.

New place, new people, new school but the same old me who wants to be anywhere but here.

Already suffering from severe social anxiety I dread thinking about how I'm going to talk to all the new people there, how I'm going to find my way around.

I better check the map sent by the school.

I switch on my phone which I shut down before I went to 'sleep'. The bright light from my phone illuminates in the dark, small patio probably creating a small light ball.