My mind is clogged as I walk down the road back home from the clinic. Dr. Jin's words keep ringing I'm my head.
Trigger?
I take a deep breathe to anhilate the thoughts. I compress the backpack strap tighter. I always carry my backpack because of my anxiety.
I persist in looking down when a dash of fresh roses and tulips evade my nostrils.
I look up to discover a beautiful park.
When you're depressed, your ability to feel joy from the things you normally love fades. But I want to gamble. I take a step towards the gate.
Entering the immaculate park, a slight breeze rustles the leaves making them fall to the solid ground one by one making me feel welcomed. The air is warmed by the beams of sunlight. The flowers are color-coded and placed in an satisfying order. The grass is fresh cut and spreads the fragrance of green nature, indistinguishable from petrichor. The park is small but well maintained. The pathway is littered by small rocks and old forsaken leaves.
I catch sight of a my kind of place secluded on my left painted with utter stillness. The swings are picturesque frozen. It seemed more placid compared to the rest of the three acre park.
I mope to a old picnic bench. The stone seat is covered with a blanket of late autumn leaves and dew, giving it a sluggish look. I am meeting solitude here.
I push the cold leaves off with my hand for a little space just enough for me to sit. Pulling out my iPod and my sketchbook, I start doodling to distract my mind in the process I inhale the pleasant geosmin.
Everything's been so messed up here lately.
The song starts playing. The lyrics are like friends who empathize with my suffering.
Pretty sure he don't wanna be my baby
Oh, he don't love me, he don't love me
He don't love me, he don't love me
But that's okay
'Cause I love me, yeah, I love me
Yeah, I love me
Yeah, I love myself anyway
Hey.
A let out a hysterical chuckle realizing how messed up I am as the song generates intense feeling. Even when I want I a distraction I get this?
Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be okay
It's gonna be a good, good, life
That's what my therapist say
Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be just fine
It's gonna be a good, good life.
The irony.
I'm a mess, I'm a loser
I'm a hater, I'm a user
I'm a mess for your love, it ain't new
I'm obsessed, I'm embarrassed
I don't trust no one around us
I'm a mess for your love, it ain't new.
The phrases speak to me, in deep levels.
Tears start flowing again. I'm infuriated on how weak I am. I hammer the bench with a thud. Why am I this sensitive? Why can't I normally talk to people? Why am I ....me?
Taking advantage of the isolation, I scream. It feels so good to take out the pent up emotions.
"Why should this happen to me? Why me?" I cry.
A small rustle goes barely unnoticed above me, on the tree. Birds, I think as I continue my self loathing session.
"Hey, Don't cry" I voice echos around me. I look around scared and disappointed that my loneliness didn't last long.
"Stop searching"
I strain my ear and control my sobs so I can identify the location of the voice.
"What do you want?" I croak out, looking around like a lost kid. Probably he'll think of me as a pitiful teenage girl going through break up.
A loud ruffle is heard behind me as if someone has jumped on the dry twigs and leaves. Before I could I turn a pair of firm hands hold my shoulder, terminating my movements. I freeze.
"No matter who you are, life will be tough sometimes. Unfortunately, you have no choice in that." The voice booms at a close proximity.
"You do however have a choice on how you react to it." It continues.
I feel something silky placed in my hands by a relatively large hand.
"Beautiful girls like you shouldn't cry" the melodious voice whispers near my ear and leaves. I widen my eyes.
I turn as faster I can to seach for the guy.
I look at my hand to find a handkerchief. I clench it tight as I absorb and soak on the words which was narrated to me.
I have a choice.
***
Oh how we forget that everything is a choice and we can decide.
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Trust me, please || J.JK
Fanfiction"You need to trust me Jungkook.." I cry. The tears burst out like water from a broken tap. My chin muscles tremble like a little child, as the salt drops drench my shirt. How funny is it to think about the words I uttered. Two years back it was you...
