anxiety.

twenty-six.

"i bend the definition of faith to exonerate my blind eye 'til the sirens sound, i'm safe"

skylar.

i've been dreading this day since the first
moment we arrived. the day i would have to go home. don't get me wrong, i like home. i love my friends and my family. but i don't love the anxiety that comes with being home, back in reality. thomas was currently in my temporary room upstairs, trying to help me pack up my things. we were arguing as he tried to persuade me that returning home was a good thing. i knew it wasn't. he sat in front of me, pulling my clothes out of the dresser and folding them neatly so that i could place them in my luggage.

"i don't want to go home." i whined, turning around immaturely like a little girl. i was trying to hide the tears that rolled down my cheeks straight onto the wooden floor. thomas moved to kneel in front of me, gently trying to reason with me.

"darling, what's the matter? why not?" he asked. he tried to reach out to touch my arm and i pulled back, seeing hurt evident in his facial expression. he was going to leave me alone to deal with my anxiety all on my own. i backed up away from him further, shaking my head and clutching my chest. i sat on the edge of the bed, fisting the sheets in my hand as i breathed heavy.

i had grown dependent on him, which i guess was my fault and i was now feeling the consequences of it. i didn't want to leave these cabin nights. it was so peaceful here, so calm and relaxing. there was nothing to stress me out because there was simply nothing here. just me, thomas, the trees, and the stars. my favorite stars that i loved so dearly. and to be honest, i've felt better in these past two weeks than i've felt in the past two years. little to no anxiety, and when i did, thomas was right there to help me through it.

i didn't want to go back to anxious days and anxious nights. i didn't want to go back home to only be put on medication that screamed 'you've gone crazy, skylar! you've finally done it.' i didn't want to go back to mason never talking to me because he was always busy with scarlett. i wanted to stay here, with thomas, forever. i felt loved and appreciated and above all, healthy. i couldn't tell you the last time i felt healthy.

"you have to talk to me, baby. you have to let me know what's going on up there." he pleaded, honoring my requests and not trying to come any closer like i had previously begged for. he desperately looked to me for answers from a distance.

"i don't want to go back to being on my own." i whispered quietly. so quietly, he didn't even hear me. i cradled my arms close to my body, almost as if i was trying to protect myself from all the bad that was about to come with me returning home.

"huh love?" he questioned, confused.

"i'm scared to go back home. i don't want to go back to having anxiety all the time. i can't deal with it on my own again." i cried, finally opening up but breaking down. thomas ignored my previous pleas to stay away from me and pulled me into his warm body. i didn't care anymore, i wanted to be comforted now. it's crazy how quickly my mood changes.

"okay, it's alright, pretty girl. let it all out." he soothed as he rubbed my back and rocked my body back and forth. he let me release all my tears into his shirt. after a full fifteen minutes of sobbing and shaking, i calmed down. he held me tightly in his arms and draped a blanket over us to stop my shaking body. i adored the extra warmth it provided.

"princess, remember what i told you? anytime you get that scary feeling, you call me. just because you won't be staying with me 24/7 anymore, doesn't mean i'm not available for you around the clock. even if i can't get to you quick enough, you stay on the phone, okay? you know i know how to help you, whether i'm there next to you or not. there's no reason to be afraid of it, love. it's never going to get bad again." thomas reassured, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. he gently began messaging my shoulders and back now, always stressing to me that i was building up tension in my body by worrying unnecessarily.