anxiety.

thirty-seven.

"and every mile adds up and leaves a mark on us and sometimes our compass fades.. and our steady truth north f a d e s."

scarlett.

our last year of upper school was coming to an end. with prom next week and graduation in a month, college decisions were coming out for most students. while i had applied nationally, mason had other plans. he was being scouted for football by multiple schools all the way in america. we had yet to have a true talk about what was going to happen when we went off to college. in fact, i was just about to bring it up as we laid in mason's bed together.

my head rested on top of his chest so that i would be able to hear his heart beating. he had wrapped his arm around my waist, his hand gently rubbing over the top of my stomach. i was nervous to ask but i did, "what's going to happen if you go off to school in america?"

"don't worry about it." he reassured, but almost as if he was dismissing the conversation.

"that's the problem. i'm very worried about it because i don't want two countries to separate us, but i don't know how i'm going to be able to live without you for those months." i confessed, tracing my finger over his knuckles and looking at it.

he turned my head up to him with a touch on a cheek, "i'm saying don't let it phase you baby. college is just the next chapter that we have to figure out, it doesn't mean a doomed breakup. i don't want to let go of you any time soon."

despite his statements, i frowned. "honestly, do you think you're going to end up in america?"

he sighed, "these schools are offering me full scholarships and america holds more opportunities for success. it would be hard to refuse."

"i don't want you to leave me." i said.

"i'm not leaving you beautiful." he squeezed me tighter. "we'll make it through it."

i knew the longer we lingered on the topic, the more likely it would be that i'd burst out into tears. to avoid this situation, i changed the conversation. i smiled with a closed mouth, "prom is next week."

"and you still have yet to tell me what colour your dress is."

"it's red!" i revealed, his hand now tracing the top part of my thigh.

"wow, you're gonna look like one hot mama in a red dress." he growled, quickly turning himself over me and pecking my face with kisses. i continued to giggle like a little girl until the mini kisses turned into a heated make out session, tongue and everything.

his hand squeezed my breast, triggering a flashback in my mind.

his hand continued to travel upward until it reached my boob. he tightly grasped it and a muffled shriek left my mouth. his hand eventually found the clasp of my bra and he unhooked it, letting it fall to the ground. i tried looking around for someone, i tried screaming, all to no prevail.

"scarlett?" mason questioned, breaking my thoughts away from the moment. i must've looked like i was frozen in time.

i refused to make eye contact and mumbled a quick "sorry."

he removed his body off the top of mine and laid down next to me instead again. his hand combed through my hair, brushing a piece behind my ear. "what just happened?"

"i - i don't know. you touched me there and it brought back memories from the night with andrew." i teared up.

mason sighed and wiped away a falling tear with his thumb. "you don't get nightmares about that night.. do you?"