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Dear Aviana,

Dear Aviana,

        My heart is missing from my chest. Tears constantly soaking my pillow. I don't want to move! I don't want to eat! I just want to see you again! How can life be so unfair?!
        1 week. It feels like forever. I didn't want to leave that room... you. You looked so at peace but every ounce of my body was begging for you to take another breath. I wanted to scream. I wanted to somehow bring you back but I couldn't. Instead, I sat silently to the side of the room, as your family kissed your once rosy cheeks and said their farewells. I waited until everyone was gone and even then my knees were to weak to bring me to your bedside. I tried to tell myself you were only sleeping, that I would see you again in the morning... I don't know why I thought I could lie to myself like that. I knew the truth. I'd lost my best friend, my sister, my souls' soulmate.
When I finally managed to make my way to your side, all I could do was lay my head on the mattress and cry. I waited... I waited so long to feel your hand brush over my hair to soothe away my pain like you used to do but... your hand never left the bed. I never felt your caring touch. I will never again experience your joy and your love. I will never hear your laugh or see that sparkle in your eyes.
        The reality of it all slowing sinking in. All the things we will never do again. All the firsts we will never get to talk about, all the places that will remain unseen together... Avi... How do I do this without you? I don't want do this without you! I need you, Avi! GOD! PLEASE GIVE HER BACK!

        Tears stained the pages of Jungkook's journal that night. No more words were written as he howled in pain. He didn't think his chest could hurt any more than the day they said their final goodbyes. He didn't think the fragments of his shattered heart could break down anymore than they already had, but they did. That night, as Jungkook wrote his first letter to Aviana, he felt the void within his rib cage grow. He was beyond sad, past the point of sorrow. Jungkook was lost.

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         Eleven days have passed since the funeral, Jungkook still hid away in the comfort of his own room. He would spend hours scrolling through Aviana's newsfeed on Facebook, half the time crying and the other half just thinking about the memories made. He'd surprise himself every so often when a moment of their past would allow a chuckle to emerge from his throat, wondering to himself how he could laugh when she was no longer here.
        Jungkook would often ignore his stomachs rumbles for food or his body's cries for sleep. He had pushed everyone away, even Taehyung, who was extremely worried about his boyfriend. All he wanted was to see the bright cheeky smile of his best friend.
        However, he was healing. He didn't know it at the time but he was finding his way to cope with it all. This is what he needed to allow his heart to beat again. He was healing...

Dear Aviana,

        I think it's been about eleven days now. Is it selfish of me to still want you to come home? I still feel so lost without you. I want to tell you so much. Like, I think I am ruining everything with Tae but I just want to be alone right now. He says he understands but does he really? I was thinking about going to see your parents... I just don't know if I can leave these walls that hold up my broken soul.
        I wish there were a way that I could mail you a letter in heaven. You are in heaven, right? You have to be. You were truly an angel here in earth. Ugh! I'm crying again. Will this pain ever ease? How am I supposed to get over you? Over... over this?!
Aish. I'm rambling, aren't I? I guess I will let you go for now. I miss you, Avi. So fucking much!

Jungkookie

        Once Jungkook finished up his entry, he placed his journal back in its place and laid his head on his pillow. Though he cried again, sleep over took him quite easily. The nights went by like this repeatedly, not realizing that each day became a tad bit easier to face.

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        A little over two weeks had passed since the funeral when Jungkook woke up, tears streaming down his face but this time he also wore a huge smile.

Avi!

        Oh my gosh! I dreamed of you last night! You came to me! It felt so real! We were sitting at our favorite cafe drinking our hot chocolates. We laughed and talked all night. I was able to tell you everything that's going on with me and Tae and I feel so much better about that. We spoke about the funeral and how you hated that they used real flowers lol So typical of you.
        Thank you, Avi. I needed that time with you, even though I woke up with tears flowing freely because I didn't want to say goodbye... I really needed you. I've missed that so much. I've missed you! I hope to see you again soon.

-Kookie ❤️

        Once Jungkook finished his entry, he sat on his bed thinking about the conversation he had with Aviana during the night while fast asleep. He knew she was right. He knew he shouldn't continue to push away the ones that he loves. So with nervous fingers, Jungkook opened his phone and began sending a text to the first person that came to mind...

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A/N
Hello lovelies. I'm so sorry this chapter took so long to write, then ended up being so short. I had to trudge up old memories and the excruciating pain of losing my mother to write it. I came into it thinking it would be fine, maybe even fairly easy to write but I was very wrong. I must have started this a hundred times, resulting in me deleting it while trying to stuff the pain away repeatedly. It didn't portray as much emotion as I wanted and for that, I am truly sorry. I feel I've let you down in that aspect but it was just to difficult to relive.

***gives an uneasy smile***

Anywhooooo, I do hope you liked it tho.

Also, curious what songs everyone is enjoying from the LY: Answer album. Idol pumps me up so I can get my butt moving and out to work everyday, but Seesaw! Holy crap! YoonGi's voice is amazing. I literally cried the first time I listened to it. Why does he hide those vocals from us?!

ALSO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUNGKOOK! He can finally have a drink here in the states lol

Okay, I'm done now. Until next time,
✌️&💜