An Unexpected Fanfiction: The Hobbit & LOTR One Shots

I'm Not That Girl

Type: Songfic

Pairing: Female Reader x Kili

Warning: Broken heart

Enjoy!

Video wouldn't link for some reason :( so here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvoEqPHsDIw

Hands touch, eyes meet

Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy

But I'm not that girl

I'll never forget the first time I met Kili Durin. It was a peaceful afternoon in the Shire, my brother Bilbo and I just settling in for supper when there came a knock on the door. It was a dwarf by the name of Dwalin and I was intrigued by his unexpected presence at our home. Another dwarf, Balin, showed up soon afterwards and then the third knock on the door sent me practically flying to answer it. I pulled the door open and smiled warmly at the visitors standing outside our hobbit hole door.

This time it was a pair of dwarves, about my age and both of them rather handsome, but my eye caught on the one with black hair and mischievous brown eyes. He smiled at me and said, "Kili, at your service," and bowed. I barely heard the other one introduce himself as I stumbled to reply, eventually managing, "Oh, um, Bella, at yours." Kili grinned at me and I smiled back, our gazes holding for a second longer than I'd expected, and it sent a shiver up my spine. They started to enter, but then Bilbo scurried over and tried to slam the door on the pair, declaring that they were in the wrong place and he would have no more dwarves here tonight!

Kili and Fili were confused and asked if the meeting had been canceled. I was so thrilled by the idea of an adventure that I was intrigued by this supposed meeting, and also mad at Bilbo for shutting them out so rudely. "Bilbo!" I exclaimed indignantly and wrenched the door open again. "No, nothing's been canceled," I told the dwarves, apparently twin brothers, and let them inside. I led them to the dining room and my hand brushed Kili's as he turned the corner. We glanced at each other and I felt my cheeks heat up, but he simply smiled again and went to sit down for supper. From that moment on, I knew I'd fallen hard for this handsome, strange dwarf.

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy

For the first length of the journey to Erebor, I tried to convince myself that it wasn't true- I had no feelings for Kili, he was simply my friend... But I just couldn't. And now it's too late for me to speak up, confess my feelings, because he's fallen for another girl. I guess I've got to go back to telling myself I don't love him. I wonder how long that'll last..

He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

When I'm laying in bed at night, alone and it's quiet around, I'll imagine Kili confessing he loves me and not her. That he's loved me all along. And then I'll remember bitterly that it's impossible. She has captured his heart in a way I never will.

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Red hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And heaven knows
I'm not that girl

I won't say I'm ugly, but I'm certainly not one to capture a male's fancy. I'm short, shorter than Bilbo even, and stocky. My eyes are a simple grey and my hair is short and a drab brown. I do not like my smile very much and avoid showing my teeth if possible. My cheeks are too fat, my freckles too many across my nose that is too small, my eyebrows too thick, not to mention I'm kinda pudgy... I don't expect to ever fall for someone who loves me in return, the odds of that happening are very low, and I've accepted that. It still hurts to see Kili with her, though. And nowadays he barely talks to me at all, as if our friendship never happened! Fili feels the same, so at least he kimd of understands. But being ignored by someone you love dearly is different than he being ignored by your brother.

Don't wish don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl

Kili doesn't love me like I love him and that's all there is to say. Wishing of what might'be been won't help. It hurts to even wonder of the future that might have been between us had he not met Tauriel. The girl in particular is actually very wonderful. She loves him deeply and I respect that. She will treat him well and be his one and only for as long as they live, I can tell. I hold no grudges against Tauriel or Kili. Our hearts are what make us feel love and we can hardly choose whom our hearts' take an interest in. They will be happy together, and I believe that Kili's happiness is more important than my own. I will be alright, in time...

Oh, who am I kidding? I'll never stop loving that dwarf with the mischievous brown eyes.

There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl