Piercing Eyes (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 24

The song above is just really funny
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A nightmare woke me up.

Dad was drowning and I tried to swim downwards to save him, but he was going to fast.

His hand outreached towards mine but I couldn't reach him.

Oscar was still sleeping next to me, his arms wrapped around my body. After taking his hands off of me, I walked into the kitchen in darkness.

Only to hear Mom crying. Checking the time, it was 3 in the morning.

"Mom." I whispered walking into her room. The lights were off but the natural lights streaming from her window casted a silhouette of Mom.

How selfish am I? All I'm caring about is how Dad affected me, I never once asked or comforted mom and saw how she felt.

"Go back to bed, baby. I'm okay." Mom said in the strongest voice she could manifest. I sat on the edge of her bed and held onto her hand. It was wet.

"It's okay mom. You can tell me what's wrong." I said rubbing her hand. She choked back the sob and shook her head.

"I'm fine just go back to bed." Mom insisted but I knew better.

"Mommy, you can talk to me." I repeated.

"It's nothing. I'm not married to your father, I hated him, really. He divorced me. He was the one who didn't show up for court ordered hang outs with you. He was the one who fucking left me. Left us. He was the one who didn't fight for your custody. He was the one who left."

"I know, Mom, I know." I reassured, already knowing that dad was a douche bag when I was younger, always late to pick us up.

"He was the one who fucked up and yet, I'm stuck here missing him. That fucking bastard, I hate him so much. I hate him for all the pain he caused you. I hate him for choosing his girlfriends over you. I hate him for being so indecisive. I hate him for loving me. I hate him for pretending to love me. But fuck!"

I flinched but kept my position.

"It's okay mom."

Mom shook her head violently.

"I hate him for leaving me here with you, alone."

"You're not alone, I'm here mom, I'm not a kid anymore." I said wishing I could hug her and hold her.

What's stopping me?

Fear?

She needs me right now.

I crawled over to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulder. Mom sobbed into my chest, grasping onto my shirt as she cried.

"I hate that I fucking miss him so damn much. I fucking hate this feeling."

I held mom until she fell asleep and set her alarm, making sure she wouldn't be more sad or angry for being late for work.

This happened the next few nights until she didn't need me anymore. She smiled two weeks later when Oscar made a joke about school.

I knew she was going to continue to be strong.

Because she's Mom. She's always going to be strong. She's always going to find her way.

How come I can't move on as fast? What did she do that I didn't?

"Let's go." Oscar said when I got out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. I looked down at his fully dressed self and then at my half naked self.