B.F.F. (frerard)

Chapter 1

I see y'all on my thiscrush talkin bout how I have so many pregnancies Well you can't get away from my babies so here's a new one with that originality bitch

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Ever since I was a kid I knew I wanted to be a dad. I wanted a little baby to love and care for and raise. But as I began to near my thirties I worried because I had never found a partner. The longest partner I've ever had was for five months, something always seems to come up to make us break up. And so I thought skip the partner thing, just get a baby.

But it turns out adoption agencies aren't so fond of single dads adopting. It didn't matter that I had a stable job and a cozy house, they preferred married couples. My heart had shattered into a million pieces when I wasn't given an adoption approval. When I was online I would see all my friends starting families, even my younger brother had a baby for crying out loud, I wanted a kid too.

"Will you marry me, Frank?" I asked.

Frank snorted, taking a drink of his beer before respawning in the game of Call of Duty.

"I'm serious," I said. "Will you actually marry me?"

"And why the fuck would I marry you?" He asked.

"Because you're a bachelor and I want a baby," I said.

"Just fuck a chick," he said.

"What woman is crazy enough to agree to have a baby for me and just give them to me?" I asked.

"Why would I be crazy enough to marry you?" He asked. "And what does us marrying have to do with a baby?"

"They won't let me adopt because I'm not married," I said. "We only have to stay married long enough until the adoption is finalized."

"So you want me to marry you just so you can adopt a baby?" He asked and I nodded. "Oh wow, you really are crazy, aren't you?"

"I'm not," I denied. "I just love kids, you know that. Come on, Frank, we've been best friends since we were babies. What's the big deal about getting married?"

"You have to lie to the courts," Frank said, turning off his game. "I would have to move in with you, we would have to hold hands and kiss and shit. Isn't it technically illegal?"

"What's illegal?" I asked. "We're just gonna get married and then we're gonna adopt a baby and then get a divorce."

"Shit like that is expensive," he said.

"Uncontested divorces are cheaper, only court fees," I said.

"I don't know what the fuck uncontested means," he said.

"An amicable divorce, we both want divorces," I said.

"You've been doing research on this already, haven't you?" Frank asked and I nodded. "Gerard, I'm not marrying you."

"Come on, Frank, you're my best friend, you have to marry me," I said. "It's in the brother code."

"Bro code? Seriously?" He asked. "That's for bros before hoes and ex girlfriends are off limits, not about us getting fucking married."

"Remember that time when I went out on the double date with you while you were out with a hot guy and I went with his friend who ordered chili cheese fries and managed to get cheese on his glasses and then proceeded to lick it off his glasses?" I asked.

Frank shuddered at the thought. "I'm really sorry about that, dude. That guy really was a creep. But that doesn't mean that I am going to marry you because of it. I'll buy you a pizza."

"Come on, wouldn't you rather live at my place?" I asked. "You have a pretty shit apartment."

"It's not that bad," he denied.