In Time

-Twenty Five-

13 April 2017, Thursday

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"Students of Crestbridge High, today I have a piece of most unfortunate news for all of you," Mr Lee announced during morning assembly.

I stifled a huge yawn. Mr Lee always had a way of over-exaggerating stuff. He would make trivial reminders like road safety sound like an apocalypse. Aus who was seated beside me kept nodding off as he fell asleep. He jerked awake as I elbowed him in the abdomen. He ought to be thankful, I just saved him from detention class should he be caught sleeping so blatantly.

"As of yesterday, one of your schoolmates, Diana Choo, is no longer with us. Most of you probably know her as the flyer from cheerleading..."

I wasn't listening to Mr Lee anymore. Diana? No longer with us? What did that mean? Was she missing? Lost? Or dead? But how could that be? I sent her home in the taxi on Tuesday night. The Blood Eagles couldn't have gotten to her. How then was it possible?

"Bro, are you okay? You look like you're about to puke," Aus tapped me on the shoulder, bringing me back to reality.

I nodded and brushed it off.

"I've decided to bring up this topic today during assembly because Diana died by suicide, she took her own life. Suicide is real, and it takes away precious lives, lives of people whom we know and care about. Every problem can be solved. So all of you, should you feel that you ever need a listening ear..."

My brain shut off, just like how a safety circuit tripped in a thunderstorm. Something in me broke. Diana took her own life. But why? Wasn't she happy? Couldn't she find any reason at all to live? After all that I'd done? Wasn't it enough? Where did I go wrong exactly? How could I have failed?

Or maybe it was never enough. Maybe regardless of what I did, how I did it, I wouldn't be able to save Diana from her fate. Maybe I was just a pawn in Fate's hands, thinking that I could change Diana's fate by time-travelling. I was too naïve. Maybe Diana was destined to die no matter how many times I tried to save her. Well, probably die in different ways, perhaps it was Fate's twisted way of testing the number of times I could go through Diana's death before breaking. While keeping herself entertained and amused.

"X! X! Are you okay? Come, I'll bring you to the restroom," Aus tugged on my arm and stood up in the sea of students in assembly.

I saw turning heads, faces with their mouths agape, their eyes fixated on me. I wondered why. Then I realised. My clenched fists were stained with red warm liquid where my fingernails had dug straight into my palms. And my cheeks were damp with tears.

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"Xavier, I need to talk to you," I turned up to a tall and lanky boy who entered the counsellor's office.

"Daniel, could you talk to Xavier another day perhaps? He isn't really in shape for a chat right now," the counsellor brushed him off.

Daniel continued to plead with a tone of urgency in his voice. "Please Mrs Lim, it's important."

"Xavier, are you okay with that? It's okay to say no," she added with extra sweetness in her voice at the end. I think I may have scared her with my outburst previously.

I nodded, even though I knew that it probably wasn't going to change anything.

Daniel took a seat in the couch right next to me and glanced at my bandaged palms. "It must have been hard for you."