i'm only given clues

Epilogue

"It's weird, right?"

She glances sideways at Ryan and smiles. She's been standing staring up at her house for twenty minutes now and Ryan's the first person who's come up and spoken to her. Everybody else who's come to see her off has kind of just milled around her getting things ready and treated her like she's made of glass.

Ryan huffs as she drops her purse to the ground by her feet and leans against the car beside Normani.

She hasn't got long left now. It's almost time.

"I mean," Ryan goes on softly, puffing her hair from her eyes in the heat. "Did you ever think everything would end like this? I didn't. I mean... look at us."

Normani takes a deep breath and then lets it out slowly before she nods in agreement. She still can't believe any of it but look at them. Look where they are. She keeps catching herself and wondering what the hell happened. How is any of this happening?

Four years ago she would have told herself she was crazy and never believed it if you told her this is where she would be. Three years ago she would have gladly lashed out at anyone who suggested it. Two years ago she would have ran away and a year ago she could do nothing but hope. Nothing's turned out how she thought it would but here she is and there's nothing she can do about it.

"You nervous?" Ryan asks knowingly.

Normani side-eyes her again, smiling coyly. "Are you?"

Ryan smirks and shrugs her shoulders proudly. "Why would I be?"

Normani snorts and raises her eyebrow. "It's Harvard, Ryan."

Ryan's smirk just gets bigger, almost turning into a smile. She's never looked happier. "Exactly," she nods. "It's Harvard. I don't feel anything but excited." Normani remains quiet. "What about you?" she nudges Normani softly. "Aren't you excited?"

Normani turns to her, her shoulders shrugging. "It just feels wrong," she mumbles.

Ryan clicks her tongue and pulls her into a hug. "I know, I know," she whispers once Normani's wrapped around her. "But it won't once you get there. It won't even matter anymore."

Normani thinks it's nice how, slowly, they've both become strong enough to support each other unconditionally. She doesn't know if she'd be able to do this right now if Ryan wasn't here. There are already far too many people missing. It's a feeling she has when she thinks of the future too. She just doesn't know what life will be like without her best friend around the corner.

She sinks into her and holds Ryan tight. "I hope so," she whispers. When she pulls back, she blinks her eyes a little. She's determined not to cry today. "Where's that boy of yours?" she asks playfully.

Ryan swats her arm and, as usual, her eyes go big. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call him that?" she says.

Normani laughs. "However many times it makes you realize that it's true," she says in response and looks at her best friend incredulously. "It's been a year, Ryan. I know you keep saying you want to take things slowly but there's snail's pace and then there's you. You've been not-dating him for a year. You haven't been on your pills for three months. Why haven't you put him out of his misery and let him call you his girlfriend yet?"

"Because," Ryan whispers stubbornly.

Normani shoves her a little. "Because what?"

Ryan shrugs. "Because I don't want to jinx it," she whispers quickly, shoulders hunching protectively. "What if it changes things?"

Normani glares at her. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," she says teasingly. "And I've spent many a night this past week listening to a drunk and moping Cordell Broadus talk about Camila Cabello."