VAIN | Inside the Universe

Chapter Seventeen • Espionage Excellence

N E W  Y O R K

The last two days had been unconventionally relaxing, despite us being fugitives in our own country. Nat has almost fully recovered with the help of a few additional enhancements and everyone was able to get a proper sleep.

Except for Steve.

It is implied in his persistence to stay alert that the sight of Barnes in that shell of a man haunts his every dream to the point of his full possession. He winces to himself after a blink that seems to keep his eyes closed for too long. The face of his best friend hidden behind that mask corrupts Steve's every moment of solace in more ways than one.

He holds a brave front. In fact, he's been uncharacteristically quiet, careful to keep his worries from infecting anyone else. He's spent more hours in his head than the day had to offer.

That is only expected from a soldier who is trained to make that a default of their system, but it is in the nights spent alongside Natasha's hospital bed where he shamefully lays his thoughts across his face, silently pleading for someone other than himself to justify his guilt. Yet the blame is irrational as always and no one will give him that twisted assurance, even if it were solely for his sake.

He had eagerly and without a second thought thrown the weight of Nat's injury onto his conscious. I had learned to recognize when he was replaying the moment. The moment where he felt that if he was only a step quicker—just one—than he would have been able to prevent it. I swear, he would shoot himself with the same bullet if he could, but it's not clear to him yet that the pain he has inflicted on himself is much worse than the hit Nat took.

I suppose it was more selfish of me to sit with him throughout the night than it was meant to be comforting, but he was absolutely fascinating to watch. The way he gives into himself is a familiar interest of mine, but it is the difference in what he indulges that confuses me in the best way.

It is the duty to something other than oneself that I have learned to be the most pure, yet the most rare power. The most true, dare I imply it.

It is a power I do not want to fall, and I never thought that day would come.

Perhaps it was the trauma that solidified our unlikely pairing, but Steve and I have grown to more than acquaintances. We joked like friends, worried like blood, and sometimes I would be able to convince him into the one hour of rest he would allow himself.

There are few things strong enough to ever allow for an assassin and a soldier to grow so close. Yet, in the span of two days, he took a gamble on his newfound ability to trust those who had once been on the other side of enemy lines.

It is not solely Natasha I should thank for his idealistic desperation, but there was a snowball's chance in hell that I would be shaking the hand of that metal arm for at least another century.

I took to my part of the mission before the others woke. I was never one to draw out a goodbye and I would not start now.

Fury made it a point to ghost me at the missions end for my own good. He offered a settlement that would set me up for life in wherever I choose to go and never come back from. I'm a dead woman walking as it is and somewhere beneath all that black leather, he found it of value to keep my heart beating.

That's enough for my appreciation.

I found the head doctor to check on Nat's recovery status before heading to the car lot. Fury held this mystery partner to an oddly high esteem and refused to give me any details.

I never had a partner before D.A.R.K. aside from my years with Nat and Clint, but even when I was with the agency, it was known I worked best alone.