Ticci Toby Fanfic Illusion (Completed)

Chapter 8

((A.N. O hai thur! I am so, so, so so sorry my stabbing unicorns! You must forgive me!! D: I want to update but there's no time! T-T))

***Lena's P.O.V *** ((woop!))

"WHAT ARE THESE?" BEN Yelled in anger. I could kinda feel how angry he was. Why was he angry? What the fluff? Seriously! This kid high? I'm freaking stupid! This 'kid' Is a FREAKING serial killer! Yay Lea!

"I-i'll tell you later Ben.." I said. I struggled trying to pull my arms out of his grip. And damnn he wouldn't lose his grip on my arm!

"What do you mean?" He questioned me. BEN finally let go of my arm. I pulled it towards myself and gently poked it with my other hand. It stung a bit. Ouch! There were some scars there too.

"I mean, Ben really? You were about to fucking rip my arm out of its place and you claim to be worried about my scars?" I said. I crossed my arms right below my chest and stood sassily demanding answers.

"I-i'm sorry doll." Apologized BEN. He scratched the back of his neck. My mood softened a bit by how relaxed he was now. It was awkward.

"Oh, alright. The story is a long story Ben." I explained. I let out a sigh and grabbed the knife. BEN did not mind me holding it at all. I plopped down lazily on a couch in the living room.

BEN sat next to me. I scooted a bit since he was too close. I could feel my face heat up a bit by how close we were now. BEN tilted his head towards my direction. He sat comfortably crossing his legs. "I'm ready doll." BEN announced.

I let out a sigh and kept my grip on the knife's handle loose. "Well.. These scars are not caused by being abused by my parents or bullies.." I paused for a few minutes. Wondering if I should go on or just stop. I could feel my eyes become watery. Just remembering of my past made me want to die.

"Well only partly caused by them. I self harm.. Ben, as a child my parents would always fight.. I started this one day.. One day when my mom was committing suicide.. She overdosed on pills on purpose to kill herself. My dad never hit her. But they would always fight. Because, they did not have the same opinions on things. My first cut was very deep. And I regret cutting that day so much. Going to school was stupid. I have bullies that would call me names and push me around.. You know I get fed up with it." I explained.

I felt like BEN was actually listening. He seemed as if he really cared. I was so distracted in explaining I hadn't noticed that I was crying. I quickly wiped the tears with the back of my hand. After wiping my tears I rested them once again on my lap.

"Doll, don't cut.. It does not help. The blades are deceiving you. Don't let them trick you.. You're too beautiful to cut! Not just your looks. You're more than beautiful on the outside, like, dayummmm girl! But.. I mean on the inside doll. You're beautiful on the inside." Explained BEN.

I smiled at his nice words. I let out a small giggle and continued smiling. "Thanks Ben! You're too kind! Shall I continue or not?" I asked.

BEN nodded twice. "Yes continue doll." Said BEN. I nodded wearing my happy smile.

"My parents are still together. They still fight.. They never stopped. They are never home so I don't have any relationship with my mom or dad. But all I do know is that when they see each other they fight. As for my bullies they still bully me. I know you don't want me to cut.. But it feels so good Ben! It makes me feel alive! I always feel so dead. Because everyone.. Makes me feel dead. I just wish that one day I wouldn't wake up and go straight to the blade. Or sleep without needing to cry myself to sleep." I confessed.

I was happy to have talked to someone about my self harming. I knew it was not right to self harm. I once told one of my friends but she went off and told my mom which I told her not to. My mom yelled at me. I convinced her its not true.. Because she would call me names too if she thought it was. I just hope BEN doesn't. I brought the knife closer to my wrist. The cold metal of the knife touched my skin. It felt good. I started cutting my wrist without even knowing it. I pushed the knife in deeper.. It felt good to cut!