TJ's Playlist | Tyrus

Alright, Okay, You Win

"Do you like TJ? Like, in more than friends?" Buffy asked him.

Anything but that.

"Does that really matter right now?" Cyrus tried to jump around the question. It was a mistake, and he automatically knew it.

"So you do?" Buffy almost whispered. Cyrus felt himself turn red, and it was an unpleasant feeling that went to his stomach. He really didn't want to talk about it to anyone at all. It had taken forever for him to open up about Jonah, and he certainly didn't want to rush himself into admitting something that could turn out to be something as simple as appreciation.

"No, Buffy," Cyrus managed to say, "I don't. But even if I did, that shouldn't be important."

"Well," he heard Buffy hesitate, "it's important to me. It changes a lot." Change the topic. Change the topic. Change the topic.

"Are we talking right now or tomorrow morning? I don't want to go to bed fighting with you."

"We're not fighting," Buffy's voice got louder.

"Well it sounds like we're starting to," Cyrus replied, his tone matching Buffy's.

"Well, then," Buffy stopped for a few seconds, "what do you want to talk about?"

Cyrus plunged right at it and asked her, "Do you not like TJ and me hanging out? You guys were cool. He hasn't changed. If he has, he's gotten a lot better, not worse."

"Answer my first question," Buffy brought it up again, making Cyrus rub his face in frustration.

Why is she suddenly thinking about things like this? I don't even want to think about things like this!

"There should be absolutely no correlation between why you've gone from being on 'we're cool' terms to 'I hate you again.' Please stop asking me that question," Cyrus groaned.

"Well if you answered it, I wouldn't have to ask it again."

"You're being really rude, Buffy. Maybe we should just talk tomorrow morning."

"No!" Buffy suddenly shouted. She stayed silent for a fraction of a moment and then continued to speak in her regular voice, "Look, Cyrus. Please just answer that question. It'll help me sort out my feelings."

"What about my feelings?" Cyrus found himself asking. He knew he sounded like he was on the verge of crying. "You think it's not upsetting to see you get worked up over something as small as me helping TJ with math. You've done it before. You know he needs help." Buffy didn't answer, so Cyrus asked her, "What difference will it make if I have a crush on TJ?"

"A lot, actually," Buffy replied. "If you do, it means he'll be your boyfriend and you're going to pick him over us most of the time." Cyrus felt that if he wanted to, he could've cried.

"We," Cyrus took a deep breath, sitting down at the edge of his bed, "we never told Andi stuff like this."

"Yeah but we were cool with Jonah," Buffy tried to defend her stance. Cyrus knew he had her cornered, though. She didn't sound so sure of herself.

"Well, you're supposed to be cool with TJ. He rapped for you!" Cyrus reminded her. "You guys were cool all summer. Nothing should have had changed, Buffy."

"Cyrus," Buffy's voice was the one shaking now, worrying Cyrus. "If you like him and he liked you back, I'm so scared he's going to hurt you. He's still not an angel, you know that, right?"

"Well, one," Cyrus grumbled, in disbelief that he had to say these things, "he's nice to us and especially to me. Two," Cyrus' voice was raised now as he said, "he's the biggest heterosexual in Shadyside! Do you think I want to hurt myself like that again?" Buffy stayed quiet. Cyrus lowered his voice, looking over to make sure his door was shut, "I'm over Jonah. I've been. But it still hurt seeing him with Andi when I liked him. At the end of the day, I can't catch feelings for TJ because I'll hurt myself, and I'll probably lose the good friendship we have. But let's face it, Buffy. It's you I have to worry about losing right now."