v a n s » corbyn besson

c. 65; Avalanche

August 20th - 1:49pm
Maine time

The uncomfortable distance between Josie and I only seemed to grow as the seconds on the clock ticked away. She sat in the left corner, a hard grip on her IV while staring at her bed, no longer sitting in it, cuddled up to me. I sat in the right corner, looking at her, hating that all I'm allowed to do is stare. Stare and hope that maybe she'll understand some of my awful thinking and just forgive me, because in the two days this week has been, it's been torment.

"Lis-" I tried to start but she shot me a glare, one that shut me up immediately. I looked down at the pristine tiles, hitting the tops of my sock clad feet against each other as the ticking of clock took control of the room again. It added to the avalanche of tension and feelings that fell on the room. One where the uncontrollable amount of snow like feelings poured onto us, leaving the tension to be the remaining force that kept us stuck and fearful.

"I can't trust you." She mumbled, her puffy red eyes looking up to me, accompanying her swollen lips and pale cheeks. I felt a pang of guilt as I continued to stare, in a downfall of regret. I've continuously kept things from her and each time, she doesn't talk to me. She sits quietly and doesn't breath, letting everything build up and never fall down. But, I guess with her past, all she knows is how to be broken and destroyed by people you love. And I guess I'm one of them. The people she loves who lets her down and breaks her.

"I know you can't," I mumbled, forcing my face back to the floor where I let the thoughts race like cars and feelings rush like a rapid. Water fell down my cheeks as quick as a rushing avalanche and my breath became uneven as if I were stuck under the crushing of the snow. "But you can trust and believe that I love you Jocelyn."

Addressing her by her real name caught her mind, but not as much as the three words I spoke to her. She slowly rose her head, myself doing the same. Her green eyes met my blue ones, and I knew that I most definitely royally screwed up, even if I told her I loved her.

"You what?" Her normal voice finally returned, cracking and groggy to match her colorless face. I knew I hurt her because the tears on her face and sporadic breathing made her looked dazed as she continued to stare me down. The passing of heels and a simple knock on the door didn't even grab her attention, for she was stuck on me, trance like it seemed.

I got up from my spot on the couch to get the door, opening it up to reveal a worried Venus and pacing Charlie. Josie didn't move to see them, instead turning her back to me as I moved to let the two in to check up on her. She wasn't any happier as when they left, and probably more agitated it from the recent series of events. Her tears didn't dry and her heart didn't mend, like all of us hoped for it to.

"Jo, you need anything?" Charlie's voice, full of sincerity, even at such a low pitch, sounded through the small room we all moved into. He moved to sit next to her, quickly given a cold shoulder and a mumble of incoherent words that strung from Josie's lips.

"Josie, are you okay in any sort?" Venus added, quickly regretting her choice of words, backing up to stand next to me. She wasn't in the room beforehand, but she's ready for whatever wrath I created in the hour we were alone.

"You really have to be a stupid bitch to ask that. I have an IV attached to me, a cast around my arm, and giant brace contraption on my leg. Physically is a no. I've been visited by he who shall not be named, telling me the guy I like might be using me as a rebound. Emotionally, that's a hell no. And mentally, well that's fucking out the window. So no, I'm not okay in any sort!" She snapped to face us, tears escaping her green eyes again, faster and more violently. But she had a right, because everything that's happened to her, is what's creating the awful things in this group of people. She's the one who's been in an accident; visited by her dead mom; visited by an abusive ex; and dealt with me.

"I'll be going," I announce to the three, watching Josie intently before leaving out the door. Charlie had her wrapped up in his arms, letting her cry into his shoulder. Most of this probably was my fault, so if I removed myself from the equation, maybe things could get better for her. Anything I could do, I would for her.

"Corbyn, just let her heal." Venus whispered to me last minute, getting a simple nod as I kept walking out the door. The aroma of Purel and the coldness of the air thinned from what was in the room. It felt easier to breath and my walk was quicker as I felt freer. But then, after a few seconds, the weight of guilt rested back onto my shoulders and chest, leaving me to cry in the rental cry, realizing I blew a shot I didn't even take yet.

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i have such bad writer's block atm so this chapter starts off good but gets super bad. i'm sorry

10/3/18