lingering love » lashton.

10

I am so sorry for being a slow updater! I'm finishing up my summer classes so I have finals and then I'm packing because I'm moving in 2 weeks and I have to get it done before my WWA concerts on August 7th and 8th! (Any of you guys going to those shows too? :D) Ahh plus my birthday is on the 7th! But yeah life has been kind of hectic and it will be even more when I move because I'll have a full time job. But I promise to update as often as I can! Okay sorry for the authors note i'll stop now :p *Dedicated to HiOrHeyLashton bc her books are my life*

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"Um Ashton?" I fluttered my eyes open and saw my younger brother Harry standing in front of me, I was still cuddling with Luke and I must of fallen asleep and of course Luke didn't wake me. I pushed myself off of Luke and looked at my brother who had a confused look on his face "why are you cuddling with a boy on the couch?" He asked. So now Harry could see Luke too? I guess that was better because Luke and I wouldn't have to be as secretive. "Luke is my boyfriend" I gripped Luke's hand and gave he a smile, he looked at me nervously, I still don't think he was use to the fact that people other than me could see him.  Luke nodded "Hi Harry, Ashton's told me alot about you" I could feel him loosen up a bit as he spoke to my younger brother. "Hi" Harry said simply "ooooh mom's going to want to hear about your boyfriend Ash!"  Harry exclaimed with wide eyes basically ignoring Luke trying to be nice to him "look Har" I grabbed his arm gently and pulled him towards me "you can't tell mom about Luke, you can't even tell Lauren" I pleaded. "And why not?" my brother questioned "because Luke is my um...secret boyfriend, not many people know about him okay and I want it to stay that way" I explained  "what's in it for me?" Harry pulled his arm away, even though he was young he knew how to snake his way in to making sure he gets something out of favors. "Umm I'll play that game with you, with your toy soldiers and tanks and guns any time you want me to!" I smiled and looked at Luke who also had a smirk on his face "Yeah okay Ash!" Harry exclaimed "I won't tell anyone about your secret boyfriend!" "Secret what?" My mom asked as she walked in to the house with Lauren carrying bags of groceries, I stood up and Luke quickly disappeared. "Nothing mom, here let me help you" I walked towards her and took one of the bags and carried it towards the kitchen "Ashton where'd he go?!" Harry questioned looking around the living room and even under the couch "who?" Lauren replied looking at me "um me and Harry are playing a game with his imaginary friend, yeah that's it" I laughed nervously sticking the milk in the fridge "that's so cute that you're playing with him, you're such a great older brother Ash" my mom kissed my forehead and I rolled my eyes "Ick mom stop kissing me" I wiped my head with my sleeve. 

I finished helping my mom put the groceries away and walked towards the stairs to go to my room, Harry was still looking around for Luke and I chuckled. Once in my room I layed in my bed and stared at my ceiling, Luke hadn't reappeared yet so I guess this gave me time to think. All I could think about was how much I wanted to kill myself to be with Luke. I know it sounds crazy but I really feel like I love him even though we've only known eachother for a short amount of time, and he loves me too and obviously there's no way to fully bring him back so why not make it easier on the both of us and just have me go with him? I'll be in this house with him forever and Calum and Michael will be able to see us and Harry and who know's maybe my mom and Lauren too so it would be the same for a while. No one else in the real world would really miss me, school i'm just a freak and they'd hardly know I'm gone. I sighed and turned on my side and looked towards my window. I wanted to do this, and I would do it soon, even if I didn't have Luke's approval, but I should bring it up to him.

"Well someone looks deep in thought" Luke appeared in front of me I smiled and pulled him on the bed with me. "Yeah just thinking about us" I said to him and Luke's face fell "don't worry it's not a bad thing!" I reassured him and he kissed my cheek. "What exactly about us are you thinking about?" my boyfriend said biting his lip, he needed to stop that because it was making me want to jump him and make out with his face at every second, which would definitely be fun for the both of us. But now was the time I should maybe bring up my idea. "I was thinking....well how would you feel about me being with you forever?" I asked and took a deep breath. "I would love that of course, but Ash what exactly do you mean?" Luke gave me a concerned gaze. "Just hear me out on this okay?" I lifted my hand from his and nervously placed them on my lap "okay" Luke nodded "I want to kill myself so I can be with you forever Luke... Mikey, Calum, Harry and maybe my mom and Lauren will be able to see me and I just have nothing going for me here anymore, I need to be with forever it's the only thing that will make me happy!" I quickly blurted out and stared at my boyfriend who looked quite shocked "you can't do that Ash" he looked down. "And why not?" I could feel tears forming slightly in my eyes did he not want to be with me forever? "Because Ashton....being dead is not a good thing okay!" Luke stood up, he seemed angry. "I would do anything to be able to experience life again even though it sucked! Being trapped in this house forever with no one... it's fucking miserable Ashton!" He was shouting now and I hated it "but you won't be alone Luke! we'll be here, together, forever!" I stood up and tried to grab his hand but he pulled away "no...I won't let you do this Ashton, you can't kill yourself for me, you have family and friends, how will your family feel when they find out you're dead?!" Luke questioned "but they'll be able to see me Luke! It'll be the same..like nothing happened alright? It'll be great I promise" I smiled slightly trying to convince him it would be a good idea "you sound crazy Ashton, this is all crazy" Luke shook his head in frustration.

"Crazy? I'm not crazy Luke I want to do this because I love you!" I crossed my arms and stared at Luke. "your family loves you too Ashton! and Michael and Calum!" "Like I said before they'll be able to see me! Why are you making this so difficult" I hiccuped, the tears were on full flow now. "How do you know they'll be able to see you? Things don't always work out the way you want them, and Ashton as time goes on they'll get older and eventually leave and maybe forget and what if we get sick of eachother?" Luke said trying to calm down and immediately tensed up at the last part. "Are you saying you're going to get sick of me?" I walked away from Luke and sat on my bed wiping my nose with my sweatshirt sleeve. "That's not what I meant Ash" Luke walked towards me and sat on the bed keeping his distance. "Sure sounded like it" I said quietly facing myself away from him "but I don't care, I want to do this and you can't stop me" "Ashton...." Luke scooted closer to me and tried to pull me in to a hug, I resisted at first but eventually gave in "I'm just sick of being sad with my life all the time, I get bullied constantly no matter where I go and I can't handle it anymore" I cried into Luke's shoulder as he rubbed my back "this is the only way and I'll be with someone who makes me happy" I sniffled. "Life is hard Ashton I get it, but you can't just throw it all away, you can turn it around and not listen to what those assholes are saying about you, you have me and your family, and Michael and Calum. We're all here for you, we love you. We always will just PLEASE promise me you will not hurt yourself or do anything okay?" I snuggled in to Luke's chest more and didn't reply because what he was saying didn't phase me at all, but I didn't want to make him even more mad before I accomplished what I had planned. 

"Could you please just leave me alone for a while Luke?" I asked removing myself from his grip. "Oh um okay" Luke stood up and I pulled him back down quickly for a kiss. "I...I love you Luke" I said smiling "I love you too Ash, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone" I nodded and watched Luke disappear. I decided I would wait a few minutes before I went to the bathroom to get what I needed. Once I was sure Luke was completely gone I walked down the hallway towards my mother's bathroom, she was downstairs watching television with Lauren and Harry so I didn't have to worry about her questioning me. I opened the cabinet of the rather large bathroom and scanned my eyes looking for what I needed, I smirked and grabbed the orange pill bottle which was filled with a bunch of medium sized white pills. My mom had gotten these a while back when she had surgery so she wouldn't miss them. I shoved the pills in to my sweatshirt pocket and walked back to my room and hopped on my bed. I would wait until everyone was asleep before I downed the pill's in the bottle. Nothing was going to change my mind and no one could stop me, I know Luke wanted me to be with him officially, he just didn't want to admit it, and soon I would be and we would both be happy.

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wooAHHHH. do you think Ashton will actually do it? Or do you think he's being crazy? What are your predictions? Sorry again for the slow updates and I've kind of been having writers block??? Idk, but if any of you guys have things you want to happen in this story just leave it in the comments or message me :D I promise this story is  nowhere near close to being over and I have alot of ideas but I'm just trying to fit them in right. And a bunch of you want me to write smut so I promise that will happen somewhere ;) Don't forget to comment and vote pleeeeaseeee! Oh and follow me on twitter if you'd like! (@avengerslashton) if you ask I'll DM you to ashton :) xxxx

okay until next time ily lots