Of All the Things that I Don't Know (Spot Conlon + OC)

Chapter 1

"Who are you, Katie?"

I stared disgustedly at myself in the small round mirror of my dark room. My face was tear stained and puffy, only reflecting a small portion of the pain I felt deep within. I realized how this was a pain that I had unknowingly coddled and indulged for years. How stupid of me! How idiotic!

"How so like me," I whispered cynically, completely deflated.

Realizing that insults would do me no good now, I sighed and numbly turned away from the mirror, revolted with my reflection. It had never been enjoyable before, but now the disgust at my newly realized foolishness only added to my insecurities.

My attributes were mostly plain. I had pale white skin and dark wild hair that very rarely was able to be tamed by the pins and combs available to me. I lived with it, but only because societal norms dictated so. Otherwise, I would have taken scissors to it myself many years ago.

My green eyes were the only feature on my face that I felt were worth noticing. They were bright, lively and constantly betraying my emotions. They had been the only physical attribute that I considered an asset.

This all was so petty though! How silly it was to think about my face when my heart was the thing causing me pain. How could I be strong against this ache? How could I make it go away? My desperate questions yielded no reassuring answers.

I was drawn in two directions. Two endless roads that would both take me to some unknown destination. My heart was torn between each and my soul was longing for a decision. All I wanted was to see him, hear his voice and continue the friendship that only caused me pain. But how could I bring myself to walk away from him, even if he would never reciprocate my ardor?

I paced in my small room, deep in thought, the light of the candle waning with every swishing step I took. He would never love me. He would never turn himself away from the wench that had so swiftly stolen his heart. So what was the point of continuing any of this? Why put myself through more heartbreak? He was still close with me now, but if he ever knew of my love, my complete adoration of everything he was...what would happen?

"Stupid fool!" I scolded.

He would be repelled, of course. My beauty (or lack thereof) would not hold him to me. My intellect he had never appreciated to its fullest. My companionship had never seemed to entrance him long enough to ignore the advances that other women so readily threw at him, and it was no different with the girl who currently held his affections. She was flawless and he was completely and unapologetically enraptured by her. There seemed to be nothing I could offer him that would even come close to what he already possessed. I feared that soon even our history together would cease to hold importance. Perhaps he felt a responsibility to see me through the worst of what had just transpired in my life, but after his duty had been fulfilled, I was almost certain our close friendship would fade into naught. In the end, I would be nothing more than a distant memory.

Reminiscing about our history brought me back to the first time I had met him. I smiled lightly as I remembered that day that now seemed to be a different lifetime. He had told me in later years how much he had enjoyed my company right from the start. As our relationship had evolved into friendship, he informed me that I "got through to him". The way I spoke "made him think" about life and the future, but little did he know how greatly he had affected my own thinking.

His beautiful blue eyes had captivated me the minute that they had met mine. His lips had immediately smirked upward when seeing me, only making the blush come more fully to my pale face. His voice had been deep, commanding but with a hint of humor. That had been the confusing thing about him. Everything he did seemed to contradict who I thought he was. And in a way, he pushed me to oppose myself as well, freeing me from the chains of my usual apprehension and allowing me to flourish.