Of All the Things that I Don't Know (Spot Conlon + OC)

Chapter 32

There was an incessant ringing in Spot's ears.

He knew Kate was speaking to him, could see her lips moving only a mere foot in front of his face, but for some reason all he had heard in the wake of her first statement was a dull buzzing noise. He noted that his vision seemed foggy as well--- as if things had slowed to a crawl around him. Kate's slight sway while she talked appeared delayed, her eyes flitting uncomfortably to his in a strange visual echo.

But then her initial words reverberated within him once more, this time with real, full-bodied meaning. And he could almost hear his brain come to a crashing halt as he raised his gaze to meet hers in utter shock.

He found himself shaking his head slightly, hoping to fully clear the momentary haze that had overtaken him while saying somewhat louder than he intended, "Wait. How---how long have you known?"

He knew he had interrupted her mid-sentence by the way her mouth hung halfway open in response to his statement. But then she shrugged and muttered somewhat stiltedly, "I don't know. A month. Maybe a little longer."

He felt his eyes instinctively narrow at her, fairly irked by the flippant tone and guarded nature in which she had replied. But she seemed unphased by his harsh look, merely looking off into the distance with one eyebrow raised as if in thoughtless disregard. So, Spot intensified his stare, crossing his arms over his chest and saying, "And you're just now telling me?"

He sighed when he noted her limp shrug, running a hand irritably through his hair as he shook his head again. But Kate emitted a huff of her own and murmured, "I needed some time to figure things out."

Her comment, however, only sent a further wave of indignance throughout him as he widened his eyes and snapped, "Well what about me figurin' things out? Shit, Kate, you can't just keep somethin' to yourself that affects both of us. That's not right and you know it. Besides, you and I don't keep secrets." He paused, feeling a fair amount of hurt fill him before he continued more quietly, "Or at least we didn't used to."

He shot a look of accusation in her direction, shaking his head once more in utter confoundment as the beautiful girl he had come to care so deeply for continued to actively avoid his stare. He wanted to shake her, to yell at her to knock this infuriating stunt off. This stoicism---this secrecy---it was't Kate. It had never been Kate---at least not when she was with him anyway. But as he continued to study her passive, distant face, thinking through the wide array of behaviors that she had exhibited as of late, he knew that this was no act. If anything, he should have even halfway expected this from her---especially when considering her steady deterioration of sorts over the last several months.

It was as if she were falling to her peril and all she would allow anyone around her to do was just watch as she came ever closer to crashing upon the hard, cold ground beneath her.

To be sure, the past four months had held varying waves of Kate's muted emotionality and enigmatic brooding---a slowly increasing trend that had been wholly disquieting if not downright concerning. And it wasn't as if Spot had sat idly by, watching Kate's steady drowning with no intervention. He had in fact tried a multitude of things to sway the very obvious downward spiral Kate was experiencing, but unfortunately with little to no upward movement as a result. Even in the immediate wake of the news about Dims and Julia----news that Spot himself was still reeling from----he had attempted to give her either comfort, space, or whatever combination of the two she may have needed at the time. But no matter what move he had made in regards to maintaining a firm level of support for her, she had continued to fade, distancing herself from any interaction with him and fixing a tight lid on all feelings she might have had about the horrible scene Spot and Jack had relayed to her. Really, the only time she had shown any type of emotional response regarding the traumatic event was several days after their conversation in the entryway had taken place.