Of All the Things that I Don't Know (Spot Conlon + OC)

Chapter 2

I felt as if I were living in an exhilarating dream my first year with Jack Kelly. He found ways to mesmerize me, ensnaring me in his world alone. I could see and hear nothing else. All I cared to acknowledge was what he deemed worthy enough to share with me. I suppose that's why none of his early transgressions had ever registered as obvious foreshadowing of the worse things that were to come. According to Jack, he always acted justly and as our relationship continued, I became too conditioned to disagree.

My first interaction with Jack Kelly had certainly not been an indication that I would surrender so easily to his slow, hostile takeover. He had been an egotistical, ragged looking newsboy, which gave little validation to his grand claims of supposed leadership and conquest.

If anything, my first exchange with Jack had repelled me. But, for some reason, the more I pushed him away, the more he persevered in his quest to make me his. Perhaps it was Jack's dedication that finally secured my interest. I had never been able to hold other men's attention for long, and Jack seemed to possess an endless amount of regard for me, even in the face of my constant rebuttals. Yet despite this sound rationale, I still found myself questioning the reasoning behind the swift progression of our unlikely relationship, in particular, the role I had played in such a strange development.

Perhaps my uncharacteristic forfeiture to his advances had more to do with the immediate change that took place after I agreed to give Jack a chance. His good-natured pursuit quickly morphed into an unpredictable guessing game, where one day he adored me and the next he could not hide his contempt. I could feel myself slowly slipping away from the strong-willed, independent girl I had been. A strange insecurity started permeating through me, and I found myself constantly questioning my own value. It was as if I had succumbed to some sort of sorcery. Jack sprinkled me with his magic dust of words, taking me away from everything else in my life. He said he loved me. He promised a timeless devotion to me. He claimed many bewitching things for two years, while also craftily inserting his disparagement to gradually whittle away at my self worth.

After that first year, however, the strength of his control over me began to wane, and the most likely cause was my blossoming friendship with Spot Conlon. Spot's kindness and sincerity seemed to wake me from the trance that I had been under, revealing that all along Jack's thrilling dream world had been more of a prison than an adventure. But, unfortunately for me, my new awareness did me no favors. If anything, it spurred on violent action from Jack to secure what had once been his.

But despite his struggle, his many attempts at reconquering me failed, and his spell continued to slowly fade. He had been a fraud and our relationship had been a terrible lie. We clearly were not right for each other, which even Jack had admitted, but that didn't stop him from blaming the entire debacle on me. In Jack's discernments, the reason our relationship had failed so miserably had everything to do with my deliberate disinterest. He claimed to have realized that my intentions were elsewhere from the beginning and that I had led him on for the entirety of our relationship. I had ferociously objected to his accusations, maintaining my complete innocence, but he would not hear it.

I had not known that my love for Spot was stronger than friendship. I had no idea of my own latent emotions within me, but for some reason Jack Kelly had been in tune all along. Why had it taken me until now to realize my feelings? And how in the world had Jack seen my true intentions before I had?

"As clear as crystal, Katie."

Jack had told me this, time and again, hurling these words and similar sentiments at me with a venom I had not thought him capable of. And after two years of worsening accusations and insults, I had nothing left in me to feel the anger and hurt that usually followed his attacks. My relationship with Jack had completely drained the life from me, so much so that when I had finally ended things, I let his yells envelop me, like a noose, squeezing the last breath from my body. My few attempts at a rebuttal had been feeble. His overpowering yells had easily drowned out my voice.