JENLISA: That's just how pleasure feels

Session Three (i)

I'm officially smitten with Jennie.

I like her.

I actually like someone for the first time ever. Honestly, I tried to convince myself otherwise, but that just wasn’t an option after last night. She’s been away on business for the last three days, speaking at conventions about her line of work and I’ve been just aching to see her. After our adventurous little movie night, she and I joined Jisoo and Chaeyoung back in the living room and she played with my fingers under the blanket the entire time. It was adorable. I’m sure we would’ve had an even more special night but my friends ended up staying over and Jennie admitted doing as much would be too tempting for her. She sat through a second movie with us before she finally made her way home. At the door, though, she looked at me with such longing and affection. I knew she wanted to kiss me goodbye, but with the other two just a few feet away, it wasn’t really an option. Instead, she took my hand in hers and gave it a light squeeze and then left. That’s how she got me.

She’s been calling me these past few days just to hear my voice. I’d love to say that there’s some substance to our relationship, something other than just sex, but that wouldn’t be true. I don’t even know if it would be accurate to call what we have a ‘relationship’… Our conversations always entail her asking about my progress and me telling her in great detail. She’ll ask what I might be interested in trying next and I’ll tell her I don’t know. She wants me to tell her what I want and I’m pretty sure the answer to that is simple at this point. I want her. I don’t care what we’re going, I just want to be doing it with her.

What’s been bothering me ever since movie night is the fact that whenever we’re not together, she’s treating me like one of her clients. I know I’m not the most experienced person when it pertains to dating, but she can’t think what we have is just business, can she? Would it be wrong of me to ask her? To confront her about this? For whatever reason, the thought of discussing our ‘relationship’ with her is terrifying to me. If it so happens that she is thinking of me as ‘just another client’, I think I might be crushed.

I don’t know. She said she was planning to call me again tonight, so maybe I’ll talk to her about it then. God, the last thing I want to come off as is clingy. I don’t want her to think that I’m giving her an ultimatum. If it turns out we are nothing more than client and therapist, I have to be okay with that. We can continue on as we’ve been and I will not complain.

Thankfully, I’ve got Jisoo and Chaeyoung to distract me while Jennie is away. This is a great development since I have recently been doing a lot of bathing, having discovered how beneficial my shower-head can be. The latter of the two called me earlier to suggest we hang out for the night and I definitely didn’t protest. The three of us haven’t had time alone together in a few weeks and it’s definitely long overdue. I realize that they can both be incessantly annoying sometimes, but they never cease to entertain me with their crazy shenanigans. They were, after all, the defining reason I scheduled an appointment with Jennie in the first place.

Finally reunited for what I hope will be an eventful night, the three of us trail off into Chae's car and head off to a disclosed location.

“Where are we going?” I pry, poking my head in between the two front seats. I can already tell they’re up to something as the smirk on Chae's face becomes more evident. She glances at Jisoo sitting next to her quickly before turning her attention back to the road. “Seriously… Why are the two of you acting so weird?” Jisoo cannot stop smiling.

“Weird how?” Chae's questions innocently, causing Jisoo to choke back her laughter.

“You’re both clearly hiding something…” I concede, looking between the two of them. “I’m going to find out sooner or later, so you may as well just tell me.”