Desolation

Chapter five

   Five working days had passed. I didn't go to work for two of those but on the third day, I decided it was time and got ready for work. I'd had enough of wallowing in self-pity and living the life of a hermit. To be adequately prepared for the world I was stepping back into, I turned on my phone. There were a ton of text messages and voicemails. I skipped everything from James and listened to work, David and Mimi. My assistant was worried, but for the most part, the job was being done. Apparently, James had gone to my job for the first two days of my disappearance to look for me. Mimi and David were worried about me, James had called them looking for me and according to their story, he hadn't been nice about it. I applied my makeup on my almost healed bruises and headed out to work. I also checked out of the hotel. James wasn't going to run me out of my house. I'd broken my back to pay for it and I loved it there. If anyone had to leave, it wasn't going to be me. If going back meant I had to deal with him, it was exactly what I was going to do. My mother thought I needed to be more silent to be a good wife, well silent I could do.
   I had a ton of work to catch up on; the day sped by as I tried to do so. It was clearly going to take more than one day of my return to get things sorted. Before I knew it, it was getting dark and by the anxious glances my assistant kept casting my way I knew it was time to go. I finally let her off the hook and left. Part of me was dreading the inevitable confrontation I was going to have at home. I pulled up outside the gate and honked, no one came to open it. Three more times, no one came so I got down from the car and went to see what was going on. That was when I saw it, the "for sale" sign planted beside the gate. "What the ever living hell?" was my first thought. Why was my house locked and up for sale? Did James put up my house? Was he crazy? I knew this common tenancy thing was a bad idea, I should never have done it. So many thoughts flooded my mind at once. I never wanted him to feel like less of a man because I was making more money than he was so I'd included his name on the deed when I was buying the house. Now he was going to turn around and sell it? I kept wondering if it was some kind of prank, but no cameras were coming. I picked my phone from the car and dialled him, he answered on the third ring.
"Are you crazy?" I couldn't be bothered with pleasantries at a time like this. He was toying with years of hard work and sleepless nights.
"You've been to the house." He stated, sounding tired. "I know it looks bad, but I can explain. Meet me at Richard's house; they're not home right now. We can talk." I hung up after that, he had a lot of explaining to do and there was no time like the present.
"Well?" I got there in record time and got straight to the crux of the matter.
"Please, sit down." I tried to keep my nerves in check as I sat down.
"From the top. Start from the very beginning."
He sighed but started talking. "I've been out of a job for a while now..." I'd not been expecting him to say that. My mouth was literally hanging open.
"So where do you go every morning?" I couldn't help myself.
"Just hear me out first." He didn't look like it was the easiest story in the world for him to be telling so I let him get on with it. "A business opportunity came up at work, one of my colleagues came up with this idea, he was going to branch out and start a private firm. He had everything figured out, or at least it seemed like it. However, it required a lot of capital to start. If it worked, we were going to be in money so I decided to take a loan from the bank. I was so sure it was the real deal, this was finally my time. So I took the loan and handed the money over to him. We were going to be partners; he was also bringing in his share of the money. Word got out at work, turned out he was stealing some of the company's research files. Long story short, we both got fired." He paused, dragged a pained breath and scrubbed a hand over his face. "After we got fired, he hung around for a bit and also promised that everything was still on. We were expecting imported machinery and the likes. He made it all very believable, showed me documents and all. I haven't heard from him in five months. I've burned through my savings trying to find him, sold my car even. It's like he disappeared from the face of the earth. The bank has been breathing down my neck for some time; I'm supposed to have settled the debt by now. I was so sure I was going to be able to pay it back before there was ever need for you to find out, so I used the house to secure the loan. Clearly, that wasn't the case."
I couldn't believe the ridiculous story I was hearing. He had been earning a decent salary, why did he feel the need to get rich quick? And people rarely started from the top. This is why fast money is dangerous, I thought. You have to do the groundwork; he had to have known this. I needed to know how much money we were talking about, I wasn't about to lose my house and time was of the essence.
"How much?"
He looked me in the eyes then looked out the window, clearly stalling.
"James, how much money are we talking about?"
"Forty-five million."
It was on the tip of my tongue to utter the most offensive profanities in the book. Was this man in his right mind? How was he planning on paying back that amount of money? That was going dent my bank account but there was no other option as it stood. The alternative was losing my house and I wasn't ready.
"You have no idea what it feels like. You can sit there and judge me all you want but you have no idea how I feel every day, knowing you sit on all that money. There's nothing I could do for you that you couldn't do for yourself ten times over. I hate being in this position and when the opportunity presented itself, I had to try. I was finally going to wear bigger shoes in my house. You bought the house, the cars. I was going to finally feel useful."
Was this man on some kind of drug? He went and made a rookie mistake and it was my fault? And it was because I had money? I had never complained or made him feel inferior because my paycheck was bigger. I still thought of him as husband; head of the house. It was honestly surprising, the things that were coming out of his mouth.
"I'm sorry I took it out on you. Kate, it doesn't help that you suddenly started talking back at me. I'm already feeling emasculated enough as it is, it feels like you've lost all respect for me." I'd heard enough, they sounded like pitiful excuses and I was done listening.
"Call your banker."
He hesitated, "I don't need you fighting my battles."
Was he serious right now? "I'm not about to lose my house, call your banker." He didn't look too happy about it but I wasn't giving him much of a choice.
   I can say that I paid through my nose; extra charges, interests etc. It took days to get every sorted out but I was finally home. He'd all of my things in the house but somehow managed to move his clothes. In the days that followed, he became withdrawn. I didn't even act like I cared; I was pissed enough about what he'd done. I didn't offer him a job either because the almighty James would never accept to work for his wife. He would literally rather die so I left him to figure out what he wanted to do. We were living like flatmates, complete with him sleeping in another room. It wasn't the ideal situation for our marriage but it was not on me. When he was ready, he would check back into being a husband. I was still cooking, still doing chores. He'd never let me hire a maid and since it was just the two of us, I hadn't put up too much of a fight. Some days he ate the food I cooked, other days he didn't. It was what it was.
  I'd started to show, just a tiny little bulge but a bulge nonetheless. I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself, lost in the wonder of my changing body.
"You're starting to show." I almost jumped, I hadn't heard him come. He was standing beside the door, piercing eyes staring me down.
"I am," I responded.
"Why didn't you tell me when you found out?"
"We weren't ready to have a child; we still aren't if I'm being honest."
"I wouldn't have been so rough with you if I'd known..." He paused like it was difficult for him to get the words out. "I'm sorry we ever got to that point, that's not who we are. All of the things I told you, they've been getting to me. They've affected me in the worst possible way and I'm really sorry I brought them into our home. Please forgive me and let's try again. What do you say?"
Even though my gut was telling me that I was letting him off easy, this was my husband. For better or worse, right? I had my reservations, I told him that much. But then I decided to try again, as he suggested.
   Life continued without any major changes. My husband and I were still working on having a better marriage; I was still battling daily to come out on top in the male-dominated business sector. I particularly remember a meeting I had with some investors. They were looking to meet with the owner of the number one advertising and public relations agency in Nigeria and when they saw me, they couldn't believe their eyes. One of them had actually asked if we were expecting someone else. I was not even a little surprised, young and successful business didn't always make sense in their book. I didn't let it deter me, I was a hard worker and I loved my job. With so much on my hands, I didn't get to write as much as I used to but I still did my best.
   One of the most staggering realities was the fact that neither of my parents had called to find out what happened after I left. I'm not sure they even called James to find out why I'd come home with bruises on my face. He certainly hadn't mentioned any such encounter. One would expect that they'd be concerned about their child's wellbeing but that clearly wasn't the case. It had my mother's handwriting all over it though, I was sure it was her idea to leave us alone. She believed completely in marriage and in her eyes, a woman was useless on her own. I for one believed that not everyone was destined to be in a marriage. I never said it out loud though; she would eat me alive if I dared.
   Mimi and David had been blowing up my phone. I hadn't called them back since my disappearance. For one, I didn't want them to see me the way I was looking and bombard me with questions about why I was looking like I'd been in a fight and lost. But now that I was healed, I could finally deal with Mimi. David, on the other hand, was a completely different story. I didn't know how I was ever going to face him. He seemed to be the trigger that set everything off where James and I were concerned. I was thinking it was best if I completely stayed away from him. I had been trying to avoid him but he kept finding his way back. Maybe it was best to actually tell him it wasn't the best thing to keep being friends. To be completely honest and fair, he didn't deserve that at all. He was one of the best people I'd known all my life and it would be a great injustice to lay him off because my husband was uncomfortable. But wasn't my marriage the most important thing? I wanted it to work and if he was a distraction I couldn't keep him around. Still, it wasn't the easiest thing to do, telling your best friend you didn't need him around anymore. Call me a coward, but I chose to ignore him. Maybe he would finally stop calling.   
   Mimi answered on the first ring; she always did have her phone close. "Finally! I thought you were never going to return my calls."
"I'm sorry... It's just been crazy around here. How have you been?"
"I'm fine, but how have you been? It's not like you to just fall off the radar and have everyone looking for you. Are you okay?"
"I'm good; I just needed to clear my head so I drove to see my parents." It was not a complete lie but I couldn't tell the whole truth either. James didn't want his business out there and Mimi was going to tell her husband. That meant I had to be careful what I said to her. She was my friend so I didn't like the idea too much but my hands were tied.
"Are you sure? Because James was looking for you, and he didn't sound all that pleased. Did you guys fight? Is he still giving you a hard time?" She sounded really concerned.
"Everything is fine, love. We've talked it over and we're good now. There's nothing to worry about. I'm sorry I haven't called you back. I've been swamped with work since I got back; I keep procrastinating and just end up forgetting."
She sighed; I'd finally won this round. "Promise me I'll be your first call if you run into any more problems."
"I will, I promise." That was a lie, but I wasn't going to let her think anything was wrong. If anything, I needed her to stop breathing down my neck.
"That's better. We need to catch up soon though; can you come over this Saturday?"
Better your place than mine, I thought to myself. James was a ticking time bomb; I didn't want anything to set him off again. There a side of him I was praying never to see again.
"I'll do my best." We said our goodbyes and hung up. One down, I thought. Now, I'd decided to ignore David but did it start right away? Did I at least let him know I was okay? I was sure he was just as worried as Mimi had been, and I was also sure that James had been twice as unpleasant when he'd called him. I sent him a text instead. I couldn't talk to him and still go through with ignoring him.
I'm sorry I haven't called you back, I was out of town and then swamped with work once I got back. I'm okay though, thanks.
I hoped the text was curt enough to send the message I was trying to send. He didn't need to worry about me or call me anymore. It wasn't doing me any good.
I'm glad.
That was all he said. He was definitely upset but there was nothing I could do about it at the time. He would get over it with time.
   I looked outside, it was pouring. The fat raindrops slid down my glass windows and left them fogged. It felt like the rain was mimicking the storm that had become my life, like it was mocking me. My many thoughts that I couldn't gather were leaving my mind just as fogged. I thought that money was supposed to bring some sort of satisfaction. I was sure I was not the only one who thought this; a lot of people spent the better part of their lives chasing it. Money was supposed to come with at least a little happiness or at least that's what I grew up believing. I had money in my account and I was more unhappy and confused than I'd ever been. Growing up, we didn't have much so we often mocked people who said that money couldn't buy happiness. My friends and I believed that we'd live on cloud nine permanently once we hit it big. I was one of the most successful of them all; still, I hadn't even come close to the ecstasy I was supposed to be experiencing. I guess I'd been happy in the beginning but it had regressed instead of progressing. And to think I was making more money as the years passed, money definitely didn't buy happiness.
   I know I've said James and I were working on our marriage, well that's not completely true. Now that I knew that he was out of a job, he didn't bother anymore. He woke up when he liked and watched TV all day, ignoring me more often than not. You would think that I was the one that offended him. I tried to sit with him, to talk to him; he wasn't having it so I left him alone. Yes, I was doing that a lot, leaving him alone. But it wasn't like there was anything I could do about it even though I didn't like it. I was just hoping that we'd get better instead of worse.