Desolation

Chapter eight

Michael
"Just tell me why, explain to me why you would do this to me." I was honestly curious. I was also hurting, in more pain than I'd been in a very long time. I didn't even feel as bad as I did when my father had a heart attack.
"Mike, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did." Eve responded, completely avoiding the question.
"Tell me why." I was trying to keep my voice low and be rational in my thinking. It wasn't the easiest thing, I'll admit that much.
"You were gone all the time and..."
"So this is my fault?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"That's not what I'm saying."
"Then explain to me why I walked in on you kissing John from down the street. And you better give me an actual reason this time around."
"I was lonely, okay? I'm always here by myself. I found a friend in him and things got a little out of hand right before you came back."
"It's true that I haven't always been around, but when I come back I try to be the best husband to you. Why would you go and do something like this? And at a time when I was away looking after my sick father?" I was so close to tears, it scared me. This was the one thing I'd said I'd never do to her and she one-upped me?
"I'm really sorry Michael, I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"What else have you done with him?"
"Nothing, I promise. And I won't see him again. Please, forgive me."
"I need to clear my head." I grabbed my keys and headed out the same way I'd come. I couldn't believe my luck, I'd been so tired and now I still couldn't rest.
I drove around a while before heading to Daniel's house. He has been a good friend to me for years and I was sure he would understand my need for a little privacy. Once there, he took one look at me and poured me a glass of bourbon. I, however, didn't tell him what had happened. I just alluded to some domestic problems and asked for a little privacy to clear my head and possibly rest, it had been a trying few days. Eve kept calling but I was in no mood to talk to her, I didn't know what I was going to say just yet. Surely, I didn't want my marriage to end but I couldn't help thinking that she'd taken things too far. I knew that I hadn't been there for her and the kids as much as I should have been but was this really the way to go? Did I push her into the arms of another man? I'd watched them for a little bit, she looked carefree, happy even. The way she laughed, flicked her hair, those were things I was all too familiar with. She had to be in the best place emotionally to act so carefree. Besides, she'd always been the more guarded one. I was more carefree, more outspoken. Eve rarely even made new friends, so for her to be so free with this guy...had I been gone that much? And worse still, did she have feelings for this man? Was she planning to leave our marriage for him? I had so many unanswered questions that I didn't even know where I was going to start. I lay down and closed my eyes; I would catch my breath and then head back home. That was the plan. I needed answers and hiding away wasn't going to get them for me.
Sleep was finally merciful to me and graced me with a few hours. I woke up literally in the middle of the night; it was a few minutes after midnight. I had never slept out of my house when I was in town and I wasn't about to start. I grabbed my keys and made for the front door, at the same time called my friend to tell him I wanted to leave. He had gone to bed with his wife so I couldn't go in there, but I couldn't just leave either.
"It's late my guy, just stay. You'll leave in the morning." Daniel argued once he met me out front.
"I know, but I've got to get home. Don't want to give the wrong idea, you know? Thanks, man, I'll call you in the morning.
"Okay then, if you insist. Text me once you're home."
"I will. Goodnight." And I was out the door.
The house was quiet when I let myself in with my key. The kids were probably fast asleep and I guessed Eve was too. So I tried to be as quiet as possible when I got into the room I shared with her.
"You came back." I was wrong about her being asleep. The lights were off but she was awake.
"What do you mean I came back? I told you I just needed to clear my head." She sat up and turned on the bedside lamp while I joined her on the bed.
"Michael, I want you to know that I'm truly sorry about what you saw earlier. I didn't mean for things to get that far, I just got carried away for a minute. I promise you though, that was the only thing that happened and it will never happen again. Please, forgive me." She choked on a sob before she could complete her apology. I didn't want to stay mad at her or see her cry, it was just hard to deal with the knowledge that you weren't enough for the one person that meant the world to you.
"Do you love him?" I needed to know. There was little I could do if she'd already stopped loving me.
"No!" I thought it was a good sign that she didn't hesitate to answer.
"Then why did you do it?" I still wanted to know.
"I was a little lonely, to be honest. But today, I just got carried away. He came over to borrow a lighter and we got talking. I was down and he noticed it, so we got talking."
"So, what you're telling me is that you kissed someone you'd just been talking to for a few hours?" Did she go around kissing random men when I was away? Unpleasant thoughts assaulted my brain.
"No, that's not what I'm saying."
"Explain it to me then." I had a feeling I was not going to like the story, I couldn't wait to hear it anyway.
"You remember when he came over to invite us to his mother's birthday dinner?"
"No Eve, I don't." I really didn't.
"Yeah, I think he didn't meet you at home. But I went for the dinner by myself. I remember mentioning it to you and you said it was okay to go."
"I thought you said nothing else happened with this guy?"
"Nothing, I promise. That was just where we started talking. He has been friendly to me ever since but I swear it, nothing else happened."
"I don't want you talking to this man again."
"I won't, I promise. I'm really sorry."
I sighed with my resignation. "It's okay." As much as I wanted to stay angry and blame her, I knew that part of me what was my fault. I had a role to play in this as much as she did. Leaving her alone all the time did nothing to help. But now, every time I was on a trip I would wonder if she was back with this neighbour guy, I knew that much. I was going to beg for a little stability if it came down to it. The erratic movement had to stop. I understood that she was a human being with feelings and she needed me around. So as much as I was upset, I needed to take it easy on her.
"Come here." I patted the space beside me on the bed. She moved over to sit beside me and I wrapped my hand around her shoulder end kissed her forehead.
"I want you to talk to me. If you're feeling any type of way and it's more than you can handle, call me. I don't care what time it is, I'll listen and I'll try to be here as soon as possible." She was listening and nodding. But I needed her to understand where I was coming from because I was as serious as a heart attack.
"Eve, listen to me. This cannot happen again." I let go of her shoulders and looked straight into her eyes, hoping that she could see that I meant every word I was speaking.
"It won't, I promise." A tear slid down her cheeks and in that moment, I truly believed that she was sorry.
"It's alright, let's get some sleep."
My father was doing better, I wasn't travelling yet and my Sundays were passing just how I liked them. I couldn't complain, things had improved from the chaos they had fallen to the other week.
It was a Saturday and I was able to convince my boss to give me the day off. I was not exactly as sound as I would've liked and I needed a break from it all. It was 10 am, I was catching a rerun of Thursday night football and my wife was in the kitchen, making us something to eat. The doorbell rang and I went to answer the door. On the other side of it was non-other than John, the same one from down the street. The same John that I had caught kissing my wife. He had this grin on his face that I was very tempted to try my hand at wiping off.
"Can I help you with something?" I didn't even bother with small talk. I'd caught him lips locked with my wife, I didn't have it in me to be kind to the man.
"I came to return this." He held out a lighter.
"You can keep it."
He hesitated for a bit, looking behind me.
"Anything else?"
"No." He turned around and walked away. I had a feeling he'd wanted more than just to return a lighter. I was hardly home on Saturday, I wondered if he'd hoped that it would be business as usual.
"Eve" I called out, less than pleased by the incident.
"Yeah?" She came out of the kitchen, during her hands against the apron.
"Why was John here?"
"He came here?" She genuinely looked surprised.
"He was just at the door."
"I don't know why he would come here at all."
"So you haven't been talking to him behind my back?"
"What? No!"
"Good, because you promised me that this was over."
"And it is, I honestly don't know why he came here."
"Has he been calling you?"
When she started looking every which way but at me, my blood started to boil. How was I supposed to handle something like this?
"Answer me." It took the patience of job not to raise my voice.
"Yes. But I haven't been answering his phone calls. He called my lines multiple times today at a stretch so I blocked him. I promise you, I didn't talk to him."
"I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't shake this nagging feeling in my gut.
"You think I'm lying to you? I get that I made a mistake and I apologized for it. I'm truly sorry but you can't keep holding it over me like this. I see how you act these days, you still don't trust me. It's like you're around but you're not really present. I still miss my husband even when you're home." She sniffed.
I genuinely felt bad at that moment for not believing that she was over it and truly forgiving her. She made a mistake and it had hurt me but I should be able to trust that my wife would not repeat the same mistake when faced with a similar situation.
"It's not like that, okay? I'm sorry you feel that way. It's done, I promise." And for me, it was. I made a promise to myself to never dredge up past issues again. I'd forgiven it; it was time to forget it. The awkward silence that ensued was finally broken by Ruby who came running towards us, nanny on her heels and Ivy bouncing on nanny's hip. She ran straight into my arms and just like that, my mood lifted. The joy my girls brought to my life was inexplicable. To say my world revolved around them was putting it mildly. Eve returned to the food she was making and I to the TV, except that NatGeo wild was once again overthrown by cartoon network. All was right with the world again. Eve served breakfast and we all ate together at the dining table. Nanny fed Ivy while Ruby struggled to fit impossible amounts of food into her tiny mouth, refusing any help from me or her mother. It was still a delight to watch, however. Moments like these reminded me of why it was important to keep them happy. Once everyone was happy, I was happy by default. My family was one of the best things, if not the best thing that happened to me. I liked the way things were and hoped to keep them so. Just thinking about that caused me to cast a worried glance at Eve; I hoped she shared my sentiments. But she just smiled at me and continued to eat her food. I'd never had cause to doubt her before, but now I was becoming a little worried. I realized I was frowning and thinking about the things I'd said I'd let go off when Eve cast a questioning glance my way. But I took her hand and kissed the back of it with a smile on my face, I wasn't going to sour both of our moods with my overthinking. The rest of the meal passed without any real problems. I wish that I could say that we lived happily ever after, but then what's the point of the telling the story, right?
My aunt came over the next day, which was Sunday. Her laughter climbed the stairs to the bedroom where I lay, reading. I had not heard that mirthful cackle in a while but it was unmistakable, a sound that both annoyed and delighted you, depending on hers and your mood. She was an older woman, just a few years younger than my mother but she was as vibrant as the sun. She was always active like she was a woman on a mission, spoke that way too. One would think she would have that unhurried manner of speaking; the tone that elders used that immediately convinced you that they were the wisest people on the face of the earth. Not my aunt, she called it like she saw it and usually very loudly. I hurried downstairs to greet her; she made me feel like I was still a naughty boy that could be subjected to her punishment at any time.
"Welcome, aunty." I greeted, walking over to give her a hug. She embraced me warmly, but not for long. To be honest, I would've been surprised if she'd hugged me for long, she wasn't one to be overly warm.
"Mikey, how are you?" She insisted on using the one nickname I couldn't stand, she knew how irritated I was by it and she enjoyed watching me squirm. I could tell by the content smile on her face.
"I'm fine, aunty."
"You look well. Where are my grandbabies?"
"They're taking a nap," Eve answered, coming out of the kitchen. She hid herself away most of the times that my aunt Martha came to visit. I never really understood the animosity that existed between them. They were oil and water, they just didn't mix. Aunt Martha barely glanced Eve's way and returned her attention to me. I decided that there was no way the laughter I'd been hearing upstairs was shared with her. She was either on the phone or talking to the nanny; Doofan. She completely adored the latter. As much as it didn't make sense that my aunt and my wife didn't get along, I wasn't going to poke the bear, they would survive.
"How was your trip, aunty?" The silence was getting awkward and I had to say something. And just like that, Aunt Martha was back to her bubbly self.
"The driver was not a good one at all. These public transportation companies, they don't care about their passengers at all. You need to see the way he was speeding, all our pleas were completely ignored." She found herself a comfortable place to sit; I was going to hear about horrible drivers for a while.
Aunt Martha told me about a million different things, losing track of one topic and running into the next one ever so often. I was grateful when Eve came to announce that her food had been served. I loved my aunt to death but she could be a handful.
"Eve, are you pregnant?" She questioned my wife. The question was so random that it surprised even me. Even for Aunt Martha, that question seemed out of her regular forward questions. My wife didn't look like she was pregnant, at least not to me.
"No, ma'am." My wife was obviously less than pleased by the question.
"Aunty, why do you think she is pregnant?" I was genuinely curious.
"Look at her now, she looks it. And she hasn't smiled since I got here. Or are you not happy to see me?" she directed the question to Eve.
"I am, Aunty." My wife was obviously as puzzled as I was.
"Besides, we women know these things, Mike. You may not know it because you are a man but she looks pregnant to me."
I laughed at that. It wasn't exactly likely for Eve to be pregnant, if she was then it meant that our birth control plan had failed to be effective.
"I don't think she's pregnant, aunty. Go and eat your food, it's getting cold."
"If you say so." She didn't sound even a little convinced. Could Eve really be pregnant?
I sat with my aunt while she ate and talked. I was all caught up with local gossip by the time she finished eating and was ready to go to the guest room and rest. I was relieved to catch my breath and then spend some time with my wife. She was sulking in our bed when I went back upstairs to join her.
"What's wrong?" I was trying hard not to smile; I already knew what the problem was. When she just gave me the evil eye, I laughed. I couldn't help myself. When I'd simmered down, I asked her the obvious question.
"Are you pregnant?"
She looked at me like I'd lost my mind. It made me laugh some more.
"Like you don't know that she was just trying to call me fat."
"You're not fat." I placated.
"You're just saying that." She looked like she was truly upset and I started to take it more seriously.
"No, I'm not, you're beautiful."
"And fat." She was still spotting a pout.
"No, you're not. And you know how she is; don't let it get to you."
And that was pretty much how the days that followed played out; with me acting as a referee between the two women. I loved my aunt but I won't lie and say that I wasn't ready for her to be on her way. The day before she left, she pulled me aside and asked me some disturbing questions that I hoped that I wasn't reading too much into.
"Did you find out if your wife is pregnant?"
"Aunty, she's not pregnant."
"Okay o. that's by the way. Where does she go to when you leave for work? I ask because every day after breakfast, she leaves."
"Maybe you don't see her because she's upstairs most of the time." Where else would she be going to every day? Eve had left her office job once Ivy was born so soon after Ruby and now worked from home. She was going to start going to an office job again when the girls got bigger, that had been the plan. But it was not uncharacteristic of her to hide upstairs when my aunt was in town.
"No, she leaves the house. I know this because I've looked for her on more than one occasion. She comes back when it's almost time for you to come home."
I was a little confused but I didn't want to create problems that existed only in my mind. "I'm not sure Aunty." I couldn't think of any activity that Eve was involved in that required daily attendance. She hadn't informed me about anything like that.
"I think you should ask her."
"I will." Frankly? I didn't know if I wanted to. The entire conversation sounded too distrusting to have but yet, I didn't like the taste it was leaving in my mouth. I found myself at a crossroads. Did I ask Eve where it was that she was going? Did that mean that she was leaving our kids with the nanny when the whole point of her being home was to watch them? I decided to put the thoughts away for a later time when I felt like I had cause to worry. I was enjoying matrimonial bliss at the moment; I wasn't going to ruin it with trivial issues. Maybe she'd made some new friends or joined a class. There were many reasons why a grown woman would keep something to herself. Maybe it was something that she was a little embarrassed by. That would be totally understandable. Even though my submissions were logical, I was still a little disturbed. And the reason was that Eve had always been a little on the wild side. She was very daring and had a keen sense of adventure. I thought it was the best thing that had happened to me when we'd been dating but now that we were married, I wasn't so sure it was a good thing anymore. I remembered one of the pranks she'd initiated back in the university, she thought it would be funny to send letters to the lecturers and make it seem like the Vice-Chancellor wanted to meet with them. Some of the letters she wrote even had profanities in them, she was out to cause chaos and like a fun starved person, I eagerly bought into her crazy idea. We would've been expelled had we been caught, yet it felt exhilarating to do it. You would think that someone that wild would be outspoken, it was the irony of the century. I was the troublemaker between the two of us; so much so that people warned me against hurting such a sweet, shy girl when then found out that we were an item. I was the only one that knew that there was not a thing that could be done that Eve wasn't willing to try. As long as it wasn't going to kill her, she was willing to try it. So now, I couldn't help but wonder if I was enough excitement for her because if I wasn't, I was most definitely in trouble. I thought I made her happy, a guy could dream I guess.