Shower Thoughts

Relationships

__________________
I don't understand when people say "we're going out"
Last time I checked y'all were too busy Netflix and chilling to go
anywhere.
__________________

N

ow, I know what you must be wondering.

*Are cactuses called that because there are actually cats trapped inside them?*

No, that's not it.

*If I say nyon nyon nyon nyon nyon nyon nyon nyon nyon nyon multiple times will I look crazy?*

Maybe, but that's not it.

*How many ferrets do.... *

You know what lemme just say it.

Y'all must be wandering, why a single potato like me would want to rant about relationships?

Well, it's very simple.

BECAUSE THEY ARE FRIGGIN ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!

I swear, if I see one more 12 year old post a picture with some random stranger from their homeroom and caption it 'Couple goals', I'm gonna scream my sprinkles out.

And the most annoying part is when people tell me to calm my blood because 'Nothing can stop love'

Wait, please tell me how putting a guys pic as my wallpaper is showing love?

It's so annoying how they have generalized and commonized the word love. It's been so watered down that you can 'love' just about anyone and anything.

If you 'love' him then why did you move on as soon as the road started getting rough?

Huh??????

See, you have no answer because you and me both know what it really was.

It was infatuation, nothing more, nothing less.

I'm not bitter about relationships because I'm as single as the 10 Naira note in my brother's wallet, I'm bitter about it because people seem to think that to fulfill inner happiness or to have unlimited joy, you need a significant other.

Even books nowadays and movies, there has to be a bit of romance sprinkled here and there and I'm tired of it.

Even in school, it's as if cupid thought it was a good idea to use my classmates as target practice.

Everyone's pairing up and I just want to scream into all of their faces "WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO COOTIES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!"

Another reason why I don't like any of this romantic whatever (although I am a world-class matchmaker #Self Ad #Give me attention #Self promotion #nyon nyon nyon #Donuts are amazing #I'm so bored rn), is because the available options around me are very low quality.

And when I say low quality, I mean low quality, like Igbo boy products low quality, like China made pencils low quality, even lower than the quality of my countries government.

Let me give y'all an example (Note: this is a true story)

Story Story
*All echo "Story"

Once upon a time
*All echo "Tie your wrapper"

There was once a girl named uhhhhh.... I'm just gonna call her Lizzie.

So Lizzie had a boyfriend named um....... Michael.

Now Liz was one of the most popular girls at school and Michael was the most popular guy, so obviously they would get together (take that wattpad, no more popular guy, nerdy nobody that he falls in love with through the power of cheese and cliché wattpad writers lack of imagination)

Liz was a day student, while Michael was in the boarding house, now Liz, being the amazing girlfriend she is *cough cough* always made sure to get Michael something be it shawarma or Tom Tom.

Now Michael was a *bleep* that deserves to *bleep* and *bleep* his *bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep*, he made a bet with his friends in the early stages of their relationship on who was going to get her to make out with them first.

Do you know how much they placed?

2,500 Naira!!!!!!!!

They felt that all she was worth was just 2,500 Naira people!

That's just sick.

And the girl had fallen so deep in love with him, that she was constantly singing his praises (it was sick let me tell you)

And Michael won the bet and got his R-rated make out session with her.

*Oya clap for yourself Lizzie, your boyfriend is a scumbag*

Now, Lizzie decided to join the boarding house as well and Michael was (shockingly *note the heavy sarcasm*) using her for chops.

*le gasp

Michael broke up with her and told her point blank that he was only using her for her endowment and for food.

So, y'all can see why I'm not a fan?

Most of the stories of my friend's relationships are not very happy or pleasant ones because 99.899999% of guys in my school are animalistic were idiots.

There's another story I would like to share with all of you so sit back, relax and prepare to cringe

Fiona and Tommy had been best friends until Tommy decided to ask her out

*Aww Tommy is so sweet

Tommy and Fiona only dated for a week guys *well I'm shook

*I take it back Tommy

While Fiona was dating Tommy, she would constantly post cringe worthy pictures and say stuff like "My boo is so handsome" "Don't you wish your boyfriend was hot like mine" "I'm so in love"

It was annoying and very irritating.

You wanna know why they broke up?

Tommy felt that it was weird dating his best friend (you're the one that asked her out brah) and they split up, but everyone could see Fiona was hurting.

A few weeks later, Tommy started getting really close with Fiona's best friend and soon enough they were together.

*Shooketh
*Triggered

Do you people understand what I'm saying now?

Low. Quality.

Honestly, I'm just tired of all of this rubbish and nonsense
*le consumer du donuts*