Shower Thoughts

Nyon nyon nyon

Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait that sounds way too perky and no one should be as perky as I try to make myself sound.

Is that correct English?

Whatever, they don't pay me enough to care.

Well, I'm not paid to entertain all you people but let's just fashi that minor pothole (and Lord knows my country is full of them)

Today or this chapter rather, marks the beginning of my new mini series: Tales of a smol bean.

Which is basically just random adventures, struggles and other shizzle about being short.

And I know y'all absolutely love my stories *cue abnormal winking*

Anyways.....

If you are below the height of 5'6 and would love to be featured in this oh so popular book (hint the heavy sarcasm), send me your own short person stories.

And don't worry, I'll give you like 10% of the credit.

I'm legally required to warn you:

1. The write up that you're about to set your eyes upon is absolutely crap with a capital M.

2. This is merely the author's joblessness displayed here so please don't take anything to seriously.

3. The style of writing the author will be using in this composition is the stereotypical 'Cliché wattpad writing' style. Side effects of reading this includes: major brain deterioration, penguins running after you, an uncontrollable craving for cat food, acid rain and a strange feeling of pettiness.

Well that's enough of this lame introduction, so, without further adieu, let's get on with it.

Tales of a Smol Bean
Season 1 Episode 1.

Brrrrrriiiiinnnnnnggggggg!!!

I roll over to the other side of my bed and slap the alarm so hard it nearly fell off.

I got up from bed, brushed my teeth, had a quick shower and head over to the closet to decide what I'm wearing.

Today is 318th day at Whatchamacallit High and I'm super excited :)

I settled for a dark green oversized sweater that was tucked into a pair of black jeans and finished off with black converse.

I don't wear makeup because I'm totally not like other girls that care about their looks.

Besides, I'm so ugly, lol.

Since it's absolutely relevant for me to tell you this right in the middle of my riveting recollection of my day to day activities, my name's Dylan Blythe.

I know what you must be thinking: "Isn't Dylan a boy's name?"

And the answer is yes, yes it is.

I don't know what the hell my parents were thinking when they thought it would make sense to name a girl Dylan, but as you'll find out as you get to know me better, my family is messed up.

Another thing you should know about me is that I get teased, a lot. And it's probably cause I'm standing at 5'1

Yup, I'm 5 freaking feet.

And the strange and weird thing is that basically everyone in my family towers over me with their 6 feet of height.

Even my littlest brother is 5'5.

I'm sure when God was creating me he was like:

“Okay let's make her incredibly unattractive. A bit of quirkiness and a dash of clumsiness. Let's also make her the same height as your average 4th grader. Mix it all up until it has a paste like texture and...... Done!”

Not to mention I'm the only girl with 4 brothers.

I don't know how much my parents must have loved each other that they would actually make it up to five kids.

Me and my siblings are just a great way of telling anyone that meets us how busy my parents have been in the 21 years that they've been married.

And it only took them two tries before they finally got a girl, well done mom and dad.

I rushed down stairs only to find my two littlest brothers, Timothy and Sawyer, having a blind folded food tasting contest.

"Is there corn in this", a blindfolded Sawyer said as he kissed his teeth.

"Canned or fresh?", Timothy asked.

"Fresh, but you added the canned corn water"

This is what I have to go through every day of my life.

The second eldest and the most sane person out of all of them, Jordan, came up to me with a plate of a half eaten sandwich.

"This was all I could salvage", he said and dumped the plate into my previously unoccupied hands.

If you're wondering, which I'm sure you're not but I'm still going to say anyways. My eldest brother is in college, leaving me with only 2 and a half dimwits to deal with, that is, until Christmas and other holidays.

But let me stop telling you about my oh so amazing family that I'm sure you guys don't give a factorisation, and get to the the whole point of this little series:

How awesome it is too be 5'1 at 16.

Buckle up cause this is gonna be one hell of a journey.

                    *-*-*-*-*-*-*

*emerges from the shadows like a sexy butterfly*

Heyyyyyy gurrrrlllll!

What do you think?

*wiggles eyebrows nice and weird*

How cringey is this on a scale of one to ten?

I give it a 15.

Y'all, never become jobless because you end up doing shizzle like this.

Till the next useless rant......

Baiiiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
*le consumer du donuts*