Disjointed Heart

Chapter Seven

"M-mike-" Chester began, but he didn't have time to finish his sentence as his head looked up while the door opened, and for some time in what seemed forever, his eyes finally settled on Ryan Shuck.

“Chester? Is that really you?” A teary-eyed Ryan asked with the biggest smile on his face. Chester was static, still holding Mike’s hand tightly, his eyes also filling with water. He felt so guilty now, looking at his best friend crying because of him. He wanted to just jump on him and hug him as tightly as he could, but felt that he was not in the right to do so. He owed Ryan a big apology.

Mike on the other hand, was smiling for them, waiting for the big moment of their reencounter. His eyes went from Chester to Ryan and then Chester again, he felt the blonde’s grip on his hand get tighter and that made him wonder if the brunette had done anything to the other man in the past. What was their relationship?

Ryan saw the hesitation in Chester's eyes and he took a step back, nodding as he still smiled at his ex-best friend.

"You can come in, Ches." His eyes settled on the half Asian and the latter could see that Ryan was really thankful for what he had done. "Mike too, if you want."

"I don't want to impose on your reunion, but..."

Chester's grip tightened again as he looked back at the delivery man, his eyes full of doubt. "Please, come with me?" He half-whispered.

Mike nodded before he smiled at Ryan. "I'll come in but I'll stay in another room while you two talk."

"How about the balcony?" Ryan suggested and Mike agreed.

Mike silently walked outside and closed the glass door. He sat down on one of the two chairs with his back turned to the inside of the house.

“Ches.” Ryan breathed out when they two sat down beside each other but not too close. The brunette was still unsure of how to act, he had no idea that Chester would be in such state. He could see his sweaty trembling hands and his startled eyes looking around his place, not paying attention to anything in specific. He wanted to just wrap his arms around the other man and kiss him now that anyone would interrupt them. He still had a crush on the blonde, but deep down he felt that they’d never work out together. Even less now.

“R-Ryan…” Chester started and closed his eyes tightly, as well as his fists.

“I’ve missed you so much.” Ryan spilled out and regretted in the moment the words left his mouth as Chester’s eyes had shot open and he looked like he had just seen a ghost.

“Before you say anything else I just wanna apologize. Please don’t interrupt me, I need to say it now or else I won’t have the courage later.” The blonde looked at the wall in front of him not being able to maintain eye contact.

"When you left at the institute I felt really alone. I felt like you were so lucky to get out of this hellish place and that... suddenly you wouldn't be able to know how I was feeling, being stuck in there... which is crazy, I know, it's not like you would forget everything. I just felt... detached from you. And jealous. I know it's not an excuse, I regretted it so much when I got out and I couldn't find you, I..." Tears had welled up in Chester's eyes but he wiped them before they could run down his cheeks. "I'm truly sorry, Ryan... you were my only friend and-" His voice cracked at that and he looked down at the floor, trying not to sob.

“Ches I-“

“No!” Chester interrupted, looking back up. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you see me when you visited the clinic. I was terrible and embarrassed of my state. I didn’t want you to see me so miserable after you left. I knew you’d blame yourself and it was not your fault. I also couldn’t bear to see you all happy and doing just fine because it’d be just a reminder of how pathetic I am. How weak I am… I’m sorry for being a complete idiot.” As soon as he finished he started to sob uncontrollably, his shoulders shaking as he covered his face with his hands.