I Blame You ▪ Evril (Avril Lavigne and Evan Taubenfeld)

Chapter 7

TW: suicide

White, wispy clouds detailed the colorless, tasteless, dry void that Evan was trapped in.

Like a worn out comic book, there were only fragments and pieces of events that he oh so vaguely remembered.

The thoughts were outlined with a messy border, looking almost like they were animated pictures that had been burned around the edges.

The words that echoed through his mind seemed to be bigger with their enormous fonts than the comic like scenes that were scattered in this void, despite the words being invisible. He could almost see them through their audio. Their nonexistent audio that only remained in his head.

None of which what was just explained to you may have made sense, but you see, it didn't make much sense to Evan himself either.

He didn't deserve Avril, the thoughts said. What he did was embarrassing, and Jesse should have full rights to have her as a lover and a best friend. He should know better. Jesse seemed so nice all the time since Avril and Evan had gotten back together, but did he really mean it? Did he secretly hate Evan?

Evan wished there was a way for him to just disappear; to fade away into the void and not be aware of his own mind.

He couldn't escape this void.

It was like running in a dream.

He kept falling over and stumbling. His vision was nothing but blurry. He had no control. It was nothing but frustration, this experience was.

Evan's mind just kept generating new and terrifying thoughts that only made his sobs grow worse.

How could Avril betray him like this?

Evan was just some guy to her, apparently.

Avril must've been real desperate for a boyfriend if she'd wanted to pull something like that on him.

How much better was Jesse than him, anyway?

Jesse always seemed to have a disliking for Evan, (not so subtly, of course) but he didn't know he would ever go that far.

Jesse always said they were best buds and they'd never hurt each other. How could Evan ever believe that, right? He should've seen Jesse's envy screaming from the rooftops. How could he be so blind that he didn't see Jesse was dying for Avril?

And now, Evan was left with nothing.

No girlfriend, no best friend, and a career that would only drive him mad as he would have to look at Avril, and basically do everything with Avril and the rest of the band for whatever amount of time he'd be there.

If he'd decided to leave the band, the thoughts would only haunt him more as he would try to sleep.

As he would try to eat.

As he would try to do anything.

But this might happen, with or without Avril.

So maybe it was best if he'd just left.

Not the band.

Not the town.

Not the country.

The world.

His own flesh and soul.

Just gone.

So he wouldn't have to suffer for the rest of his life about some stupid, famous,

Whore.