When We Take Different Paths 2018

They - Nonbinary Gray

Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong to Hiro Mashima

When We Take Different Paths - Week 3 - Gender Identities
Characters: Gray and Mika Fullbuster
Prompt: Pronouns

They

He

Gray saw the box that was sitting on top of his bed. It had been delivered while he had been at school. He looked at it with equal parts excitement and trepidation. It had been almost a year since he had started switching to women's clothing on days when he felt right doing so.

His female clothing mostly consisted of items his mom had picked from sales or from donation boxes. They were ill fitting but he made do, it's not like he ever left the house wearing them. Once his father had died, money had become tight and he refused to be a bigger burden on his mother than he had to be.

The moment he was eligible he had searched all over town until he found a part time job he could do after school. He was determined to help his mother as much as he could but she would have none of it. She wanted him to keep the money, to do fun things and take Natsu out on dates. Finally she had suggested he set money aside for when he was ready to embrace his new identity.

He had promised himself that he would not purchase anything until he was sure this was really a part of who he was. After a year had passed, he could no longer think of it as a phase, so he waited for the days he knew would soon come and immersed himself in a world of colors and styles as he tried to figure out what appealed to him. He studied the girls at his school and looked at pictures of models in magazines. He had no intention of setting foot in a store, so he asked his mother to measure him and ordered things online.

He opened the box quickly, the excitement quickly winning over the apprehension that was in the back of his mind. The one that was screaming at him to slow down. He paid it no mind, admiring the purchases he had made using his own hard earned money. He held out one of the colorful tops over his chest and looked in the mirror.

There was only one problem, today was not one of those days. He still felt excitement at his reflection but it wasn't as pronounced as it could have been. This moment was too special to waste so after he made sure all his purchases had been shipped he put everything back in the box and set it aside. It was disappointing, but it was not something he had any control over.

He thought about Natsu, as he often did, and felt the familiar guilt of hiding such an important side of himself from his boyfriend.

They saw each other a bit less now because of his job but their relationship had progressed to the point where they had sex regularly and Gray had been surprised by how much he liked to play either role. He loved to be inside of Natsu just as much as he loved for Natsu to be inside of him.

It didn't matter who was doing what, the feelings were always intense and it wasn't long before Gray found himself addicted to the way Natsu looked at him at these times, like there was nothing else in the world that mattered to him besides Gray. And while Gray felt the same, there was always that nagging guilt at knowing that Natsu gave himself up completely while he continued to hold a part of himself back.

Gray wanted to tell him, but everytime he tried the words would never come. The fear of Natsu rejecting him was just too strong. He couldn't chance it, not yet. He put the box on a shelf in his closet and closed the door behind him.

o-o

She

Gray looked at the clock with frustration, it was only third period but he already couldn't wait to get home. The unease had begun in homeroom and by last period it had grown into full fledged wrongness. The clothes he was wearing felt wrong, he felt wrong, and he certainly didn't want to be touched by anyone, which led to a hurt Natsu as Gray pushed him away.