Fallen [Malum+Mashton/Cake] ✔️

~12~

Chapter Twelve: Singing A Secret

It was moments like these that Michael truly felt at peace.
Moments when he could do nothing more than lay in bed as the world raced ahead and left him behind. Moments when the sun was gone and the open curtains of the bedroom window would allow the hopeful glimmer of countless stars shine through.

It gave him hope, something he had been losing more and more as he struggled through each day.

The body lying beside him, enveloped in grey sheets, stirred slightly; eyelashes fluttering as their hazel eyes opened to show they hadn't managed to fall asleep for as long as the two had been resting in silence.

"Michael?" A small voice echoed through the silence, their body snuggled into Michael's side as they peered up at the man lying on his back.

"Mm?"

"Can you sing to me?"

Michael shifted slightly, looking down at Ashton's shy expression. "What song?"

Ashton shrugged, thinking for a moment before his eyes lit up and a hopeful smile broke across his shadowed features. "I still have your guitar."

Michael sat up in Ashton's bed, amused and curious as he watched Ashton stumble out of the blankets and scurry out of the room. He looked snug in his pyjamas, thankful that Michael had bought them for him because he had been so tired of freezing cold all the time in thin clothes and singlets for bed.

Ashton grabbed a slightly colour-worn acoustic guitar from the spare room, rushing back and practically pouncing onto the bed. He grinned, subconsciously distracting himself from the itch of addiction as he placed all of his loving attention on the man sitting cross-legged against the headboard.

"Will you play?" Ashton asked, passing Michael's guitar over.

Michael traced his fingers over the carved writing on the neck, smiling faintly to himself at the words it read from a few years ago.

Happy birthday Mikey lots love, Ash xX

"I haven't played in a while..." Michael adjusted the guitar to sit properly in his lap; his fingers automatically wrapped around the neck and resting on the strings ready to pluck and strum.

Ashton smiled timidly. "Can you play the song you did at graduation?"

"Oh wow!" Michael's eyes glistened with memories of nostalgia, smiling at himself. "The song for the King and Queen?"

"Mmhm. I really liked that song." Ashton insisted, sheepishly admitting. "Your voice was really pretty."

"I could try... I'll probably mess the chords up though." Michael plucked a few strings, playing a few chords in a broken process to try and recover his bearings for a moment.

He let out a soft sigh. "Alright... let's try." Grinning at Ashton, he said "no teasing if I mess up, deal?"

"Deal." Ashton could just about explode with giddy affection, going on to silently wait for Michael to play.

Beginning to play, Michael missed a chord, blushing a faintly embarrassed red as he retried and continued.

Ashton sat in silence, entranced by the pure emotion that was seeping through Michael's voice; the chords coming back to the guitarist the longer he played the acoustic instrument. He stared for a moment, Michael's eyes downcast across the movements he was making.

The emotion from his song began to flood the room, meanings lying deeper within each word as he sang them. It was raw, only getting more so the longer he continued to break his walls down through music.

Ashton's throat closed up, his heart aching as he watched Michael's playing slow down to match the softness of his quietly cracking voice. There were tears brimming in his eyes, the green colour glistening with a miserable sparkle as the memories of a happy high school turned into the endless plethora of times he nearly lost Ashton to the storm within the depths of the dark ocean waters.

Ashton reached out, gingerly touching his hand over where Michael's rested on the base of the guitar. Michael forced a small smile, looking up at the male as though he could still pretend he was completely okay.

"I'm sorry..." Ashton whispered, afraid to break the silence that lingered.

"Sorry?" Michael tried to nonchalantly wipe his tears away, smiling as if nothing was wrong even though his mind was screeching at him. "Why're you sorry, silly?"

Ashton lurched up onto his knees, wrapping his arms around Michael's neck and pulling him into the best hug he could given the guitar between them. He didn't say anything, but it seemed everything had already been spoken.

They stayed like that for a moment before Ashton carefully pulled away with a cautious expression on his face. "Do you want to die?"

Michael sat in stunned silence for the briefest of seconds, comprehending what Ashton had said. "Why—why'd you ask?"

"Why didn't you answer?" Ashton softly countered back.

"I don't want to die, silly."

"But you want the pain to go away?"

Michael sighed, nervously looking down at his guitar; abruptly uneasy with the subject topic. "Ash...-"

"People s-say that's how you ge-get rid of pain." Ashton tried not to pester, but he was so very afraid. Constantly reliving the moment in the bathroom with blood and agony breathing the same air through the same song, written by a man broken by the same person over and over again.

"Ash, I'm not going to do anything okay?-"

"But you did." Ashton took Michael's hand off of the base of the guitar, turning it palm up and pushing the long thin grey sleeve down. "You did..." he whispered.

Michael instinctively took his arm back, almost ripping it away from Ashton's hands. "It wasn't anything bad, love. I promise."

"Have you done worse?" Ashton insistently questioned.

Michael swallowed thickly, brushing Ashton's fears aside. "It's doesn't matter, Ash. I'm okay now, I promise."

"Stop promising me." Ashton pouted. "You're gonna break them."

"I won't-"

"Have you done worse?"

"Ash please. I don't want to talk about this... I really, really don't."

"But you have to." Ashton almost cried, on the verge of tears. "I can't lose you, Mikey. You're all I have and I'm scared and alone and useless, and-and I can't—I can't do anything without you, I-I need you. I-"

Michael smiled sadly, gently cupping Ashton's head into one hand and holding his right hand with the other. "I'm not going anywhere... There's no need to be scared, okay? I'm right here. I'm always going to be right here."

"But-But what if you're not?" Ashton nervously bit his lip, struggling not to cry. "What... What if you go back to Calum? What if he hurts you again a-and that's it? Then you're gone?"

"I won't go back to Calum." Michael replied, taking both of Ashton's hands into his own. "He needs help, but I can't—" he choked up, sickening memories lingering behind the glass of Calum's name. "S-Sorry, I... Can we not talk about this?"

His gaze met with the worry flooded within Ashton's eyes, and his heart clenched around misery when the male spoke.

"What did he do?" Ashton asked.

"Ashton, please don't—don't make me do this."

"I just wanna know." Ashton fretted. "Did he hurt you, l-like... Like inside? I just-"

"Just stop!" Michael broke, taking his hands away and wrapping them around himself. "Please, please stop-"

Ashton felt instantly guilty, taking the guitar and pushing it aside awkwardly before carefully encompassing Michael into a hug; tangling them both together where they sat. He nuzzled into the male's neck, hugging him as though he were a child with a teddy bear.

Ashton mumbled quietly, hoping to comfort Michael. "I'm sorry..."