Episode 44: Girl Talk

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“Sit with me,” Chi suggested, as we stepped up on Haru’s back porch. We sat down in some lawn chairs, just a few feet away from where the vampire boy had carried me down the stairs to fall on top of me in the yard. The memory was still fresh and I imagine it always would be. But I didn’t tell her about that. Instead, I told her what I had witnessed in the Winston house.

“Seeing a feeding for the first time can be a breathtaking thing,” she said. “Especially when you have someone like Ryo who manipulates your emotions.”

I looked at her, unbelieving. “You mean…”

She smiled. “I’m not saying you didn’t feel things; nice, pleasant things. Still, Ryo is a vampire on many levels. Not only does he thrive on blood, like the rest of us, but he also thrives on emotional states. And he enjoys it the most when it’s young girls. The emotional things you go through growing up, the highs and lows of discovering your sexuality..”

“Whoa, Chi. Wait a minute. This isn’t some birds and the bees lecture, is it?”

She let out a chuckle. “No, this is more like the vamps and the humans. See, we are more in tune with your inner feelings and emotional being than you think. For instance, I know you like Haru. I know you like him a lot. I’ll just leave it at that to save you the embarrassment.”

I blushed. “Does Haru know, too? How much I like him and want him?”

She shook her head. “Haru is an anomaly among us. In some ways, he’s just as blind to things as humans. No offense meant towards you.”

“None taken.”

“Let me put it this way. For Ryo emotions are something to manipulate and play with. It’s not real to him. He may have had real emotions once…love, fear, sorrow, desire…but, it died with…”

“I know. Haru told me about her.”

“Yes, well, after that, Ryo’s emotions were lost to him. And Haru was cursed with them. Haru fights them because he knows the damage they can do. Ryo laps them up like a dog because he wants to remember what it was like to feel. He feeds off others in this way.”

“He seemed to enjoy Haru drinking his blood a lot.”

“I’m sure he did. But his enjoyment derives from power. Having power over Haru, and having power over you. Always remember, Ryo is a vampire pretending to be a human.”

“Then, what is Haru?”

She smiled. “He’s a human pretending to be a vampire.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Haru has the same emotions you do. But he has had them for hundreds of years. You think your teenage angst is unbearable? Imagine his, lived over and over and over again. He is a vampire in the physical sense, yes, but in emotional terms, he is just as raging in his hormones.”

“What about you, Chi?”

“I’m raging like crazy, girl, so I understand you completely. Lucky for me though, I went dancing last night and worked it out.” She gave me a wink and leaned back in her chair. She looked up in the sky. It was coming up on evening. “Don’t tell your friend, Angela.”

“About what?”

“Anything,” she laughed. “She was at the club last night. She was so excited about Ryo. Apparently, she saw him in a towel yesterday. And then saw him out of it. “

I smirked. “Yeah, Ryo was trying to…hell, I don’t know what he’s trying to do anymore.”

“Don’t tell her about us, Nora. I do not believe she would keep the secret. She would celebrate it, so if she’s to find out anything, let it be on her own.”

“The secret won’t be secret for long.”

“Why’s that?”

“Haru and I went to see my dad today. Long story, but he says someone is building a vampire army to take over Chelsea Valley for some odd reason.”

She looked at me with narrowed eyes. “Are you sure? An army?”

“That’s what he says. No one believes him. No humans, that is.”

“Who’s behind it?”

“He doesn’t know. Haru asked him the same question. I don’t think he knows either.”

“I think I might,” she replied. “And if I’m right, heaven help us all.” She stood up from her chair and looked up into the big expanse of darkening sky. “Except me. I don’t need the help, thank you very much.”

I wondered if she was talking to me or to heaven itself, when she directed a teary, haunted gaze towards me. “You should go home now, Nora. Wait for Haru. When he’s better, he’ll come to you, I’m sure. “

She didn’t wait for a response, but turned and stepped off the porch. She walked out into the yard, and then broke into a sprint, like a beautiful angelic vision fleeing from demons I couldn’t see. I watched her disappear across the yard and into the street, wondering where she was going. Before I could dwell on it long, she faded from view, and I was alone.

I didn’t want to go home. This big part of me wanted to go back over to the Winston house and check on Haru. But I thought better of it, and instead did as Chinatsu told me. I went home to wait .

I tried my best to stay busy, so I wouldn’t think of Haru so much. I lay up in bed, streaming movies and trying to get lost in someone else’s story, but it wasn’t working. Every story on the television reminded me of my own. Or at least, every guy on the screen made me long for Haru. I couldn’t lose him from my mind, and the worry overtook me no matter how I tried to focus on something else.

I turned off the TV and went to my desk. I brought out some paper and pencils and began to doodle. I thought maybe I’d sketch Black Butler or another favorite anime, but the face I drew was not of Sebastian, or some other anime character. It was all Haru. The piercing dark eyes. Slightly flushed cheeks, pouting lips. Pale, flawless skin. I closed my eyes . I could almost feel his lips full against mine, his strong arms lifting me from my chair to carry me to the bed where he would lay his hands gentle upon me. I opened my eyes. I was alone. The beautiful vision of Haru had been just that. My longings for him and his touch invading my very thoughts.

I put the drawing away and got up from the desk. Walking to the window, I looked across the yard to his house. Haru’s room and the widow’s walk was dark. No sign of life, not even a candle in the window. I turned away, trying not to think sad thoughts, but once the mind gets to dwelling on worry, it seems all kinds of images play hell with you. Horrible thoughts like, what if Haru doesn’t recover? What if he died in Ryo’s arms after I had run out of there?

I had to admit seeing him drink from Ryo like that made me a little jealous. I didn’t think they were lovers or anything, but something stirred within me, demanding it should be my arms holding Haru, offering my skin to him, being the lifeblood he craved more than anyone. But that’s right, I couldn’t be his lifeblood. To drink from me for a lengthy time would kill me. I would not arise as one of the undead, either. I would be just like his first love, Chiyo; cold, lifeless, never to feel the warmth of his kiss again.

A tear threatened to escape my eyes while thinking of these things, and I had to get out of my room. It was starting to feel claustrophobic and way too lonely. I crossed the hall and went into the bathroom. I didn’t bother shutting the door behind me. I turned on the shower and got undressed. Testing the water, I stepped under it and let it wash over my body. The water cascading down my frame soon became Haru’s fingers in my mind, and I slumped against the shower wall and cried.

“Please come to me,” I pleaded to the empty room, before sliding down to sit on the floor, the hot water pouring over me to mingle with my own tears.

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