Connect

15: Resolve

I don't know what love is.

Is it what I feel when I speak to Kaito? That racing heart, hot, prickly skin? The urge to put my lips against his perfect ones? To touch his hair, to hold him close, to see him smile?

Is it what I feel when I'm with Len? That sense of trust, that friendliness, his tickling, our laughter, our playful fights? Walking with him, being there for him?

"I love you, Gumi."

I stared at him, frozen. He stared back coolly, looking at me they way he did about a week ago, holding my face with one hand. My heart was pounding again. I was completely lost and my heart started to spin.

He loves me?

"Len, I don't..." I faltered and took a breath. It was shallow. I had to look away from his eyes but his gaze bore into me.

"I need you, Gumi," his voice was lower now. "I love it when you smile. You look even prettier. You make me happy just by being around me. You make my sister happy. I need you now, more than ever, but I've always needed you. I'll never hurt you, I..."

"I don't love you," I burst out, blood rushing to my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Len, b-but..."

His eyes widened. Len Kagamine looked hurt. "I'm sorry, I'm being too sudden..."

"No, Len, I just don't!" I shook my head. "Len, I can't!"

"What do you mean, you can't?" He asked, raising his voice, his hands on my shoulders. "Gumi, I love you!"

"I thought we were friends!" I yelled, pushing him away. "I don't feel love for you, Len! I'm sorry but I don't!"

He pulled me closer, refusing to let go. "How can you say you don't feel 'love', Gumi? You've never fallen in love before."

"I know what it feels like," I croaked, pressing my hands against his chest. "Let me go, Len. Please."

"Give me a chance," he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine. My breath quickened and I shoved him away.

"N-No, Len," I bit my lip and scrambled to my feet.

"You like Kaito, isn't that right?"

"No, I don't, and I don't like you, either!" I yelled, balling my fists as tears streamed down my cheeks. "We're nothing more than friends...and I'm starting to question even our friendship after...after all this!"

"Gumi, I'm sorry!"

I gritted my teeth and ran off, going as fast as I could, looking back at him once as he got to his feet. I bumped into someone and cried out, nearly falling to the ground.

"Gumi?" It was Miku. "Did you find Len? Wait...Gumi, why're you crying?"

"Leave me alone." I pushed past her and kept running, down the stairs and to a small corner, where I crumpled up against the wall and cried.

I avoided everyone for the rest of the day. After school, I didn't leave with my group of friends. I watched them from one of the windows on the third floor of the school. They were standing outside the school, discussing something. My phone kept ringing but I didn't pick it up.

They're trying to find me.

I turned my phone off and watched. After ten more minutes, they started to leave. I didn't see Len, nor did I see Miku.

Then, I spotted them, towards the back of the group, slowly leaving the school. My heart stopped beating. I bit my lip roughly, again and again, feeling more tears threatening to spill. I wasn't sure of what I had done, and whether it was right or wrong.

There was one thing I was sure of, however, after seeing what I saw.

I'm going to tell Kaito.

Len and Miku were holding hands.

I don't like how this was written. May rewrite.