Portal Oneshots

Call Me Back!

"Hello, Chell? This is Wheatley. Call me when you get this message. Bye!"

-Beep-

"Hello, Chell? This is Wheatley again. Is your phone off? Because I need you to call me back as soon as possible. Bye!"

-Beep-

"Chell? It's Wheatley. I need you to call me back—because it's sort of urgent. Bye!"

-Beep-

"Chell? It's Wheatley again. I desperately need to get in contact with you and I can't do that while your phone is off. Please call me back. Bye!"

-Beep-

"Hello, Chell? It's Wheatley again. Where are you? Are you still at the party? Why aren't you answering your phone? Are you in the bathroom? Hold on... For God's sake, mate! It's a Halloween costume! There's a Vortigaunt over there in fairy wings! Get over it! Where was I? Right! Please call me back when you get out of the bathroom! Okay? Bye!"

-Beep-

"Chell, it's Wheatley again. Please turn your phone back on. I need to talk to you, ASAP!"

-Beep-

"Chell" It's Wheatley. I still haven't heard back from you—are you okay? I'd appreciate it if you would call me so I know you're okay. Maybe send a text? It doesn't matter. Send anything! Honestly, I would take a carrier pigeon at this point. Hold on...a little privacy, please? Thank you! Seriously though, please call me. Bye!"

-Beep-

"Me again, still here, still waiting for you to call me back. I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I don't have Mel's number, or I'd ask her to tell you to turn your phone back on. Call me!"

-Beep-

"What's the point in even HAVING a phone if you never answer it?! Really, lady! How is anyone supposed to get in contact with you, huh? Bloody hell! What if this were an emergency?! I mean, it kind of is, just not of the 'life or death' sort—but what if it were? Ugh... Listen, I'm sorry I shouted, it's been a long night! Call me back as soon as you can. Bye!"

-Beep-

"Chell, it's Wheatley again. Funny story, there was a bit of a problem with my costume—which was amazing, by the way. The costume, I mean, the costume was amazing! There was nothing even remotely amazing about—would you please STOP staring? Gah! Children! Where are the parents? *Ahem* Where was I? Oh, right, my costume! I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction. One thing lead to another, and now I'm stuck in the hospital. Agh! I probably would have won a prize if I'd been able to make it to the party wearing this—it's a real head-turner! Absolutely worthy of the hype! There's just a small problem: I may have inadvertently 'dazzled' a few people—and there is A LOT of uncomfortable staring going on. That kid you just heard me telling off? Completely mesmerized! He hasn't blinked in like, two straight minutes! It would be impressive if it weren't creepy."

"Listen, I'll be honest, I didn't want to lay all of this on you over the phone. Anyway, call me when you get this. Sooner rather than later, preferably, my battery's getting low. Bye!"

-Beep-

"It's Wheatley again. Could you bring McDonald's?"

-Beep-