Portal Oneshots

Forgot

"You completely forgot, didn't you?"

"What? Pffft! No! No, of course not! No, I didn't forget."

"Uh huh..."

"See, I've actually gone and planned ahead this year. Figured I'd take the initiative, and why not? This close to the day everyone's all in a panic, lots of pushing and shoving, the lines are long... It's a mess! Really, it's a colossal mess, but this time I'm one step ahead of everybody!"

"So what'd you get her?"

"I... Uh... I got her a... U-umm... Thing... Definitely got her something. De-definitely did NOT forget to get her something for Valentine's day."

"You didn't get her anything."

"No no no I did, I did! I did, I swear I did! I did get her something. I just haven't... Well, I haven't exactly wrapped it yet, see, and um... I-it was kind of a while back, several months back, see, planned ahead, like I said... Well, now that I think about it it might've been too far ahead. See, I kind of, sort of, don't actually remember what it was that I, uh, you know..."

"Wheatley, you are a terrible liar."

"It's not a lie! I distinctly remember going into a shop for something else and then I saw it, on a shelf, a-and then I remember thinking, do you know who might like that? Chell! Chell would probably love that! Yep, think I'm gonna get this for Chell. Ohoho, and would you look at that? It's on sale! Brilliant! And now who's gonna look like the best boyfriend ever? Take a wild guess... That's right, it's me!"

"Okay, now that sounds like you."

"Huh, I know right? So I bought this thingy, whatever it was, still don't remember, and then I thought, 'better put this someplace safe', you know, so she wouldn't find it a month early and ruin the surprise, so I did, and now..."

"You forgot where you put it?"

"Yes. But, and here's the 'but', in my defence, this was before I knocked my head."

"Which time?"

"Oh, you remember... When I was supposed to go to that costume party?"

"You mean when you wiped out on the porch steps in six-inch heels and broke your ankle?"

"Bingo. Wait... How did you know about the—"

"The sequinned dress? Wheatley, c'mon, everybody knows about that..."

"I don't understand. How? The only people who would've even seen me that night were Chell and, maybe Mel? Chell wouldn't... Does that mean Mel told everybody? That costume was supposed to be a surprise! No one else should have known! I-I didn't think she was the type, I honestly didn't... Of all the... Ugh! This is humiliating. This is utterly humiliating. I mean the costume itself was amazing but... Ugh!"

"Sooo, what are you gonna do about Chell?"

"Chell? What about Che—oh! Valentine's Day, right. Hmmm... Well, I suppose I could find her something else. It's not like I haven't got time. Still got LOADS of time left to find her a present. Maybe a nice card, a nice box of chocolates..."

"...some makeup, a dress..."

"Hmmm, don't think I've seen her wear either... Except Halloween, she painted her face like a skeleton. Well, you would've seen her. You were at the party."

"Maybe get her a little something with sequins."

"Not funny."

"Heh... Anyway, you might want to hurry up and get on that, Casanova. Clock's tickin'."

"You know what? Fine! I will! I'll get on that right now. Satisfied? I still have... Six, wait... Five-and-a-half hours left. Until it's technically Valentine's Day. Okay, leaving now. Oop—"

*BANG*

"Ow, ow, my knee! Ow... That really—Rick! Rick, it's not funny... That really... Ow... Please stop laughing... Could you... Could you hand me a napkin? Anything? My drink's just gone everywhere. Is that gonna get on my—yep, there go my pants. Ow... Could I borrow your jacket?"