Random Sanders Sides Stuff

Age is a Curse

TW: Panic attacks, death mentions, let me know if I missed any.
When a host, someone who can physically manifest their sides, dies, the sides become people, actual people with different last names, suddenly thrown into a life they've only ever observed, barely being a part of it as they enjoyed their hosts happiness. Usually, if the host dies naturally from old age or sickness, the sides will look like they did when their host was 20, but if the host dies before age 50 or by an unnatural cause (such as a train wreck or murder) they will be the same age as the person, the memories of their premature death hurting them more than any "normal" person could even imagine.

I stare down at the photo in my hands. It shows me and my friends when we were young. I remember that day so clearly, the horrific day that tore us apart. I wish Thomas had been more careful, or at least seen what was happening so the damage would be less sever, but I can't change the past.
Thomas walks with me and the others, all of us happily making our way into the photo-shoot. We want to remember this day, so that we can look back on it with a smile as our age grows steadily. After a few family photos we are told they're done, chatting giddily as they print them out. We each take a copy of the photos, walking out and laughing over how anxious I was that they'd look stupid. Of course they looked stupid, what else would we be remembered for? I smile, not paying attention as it comes time to cross the street. Thomas steps forwards without us, trying to race us across the road without looking first. A truck, most certainly speeding, comes barreling towards him, and with no time to slow down it paves him over with a sickening crunch, too late for Thomas to hear my shout.
It was awful. We were torn apart, abruptly thrown in different places around the world as our host's life was taken away. It was years ago that this happened, so long ago that I'd be surprised if anyone remembered me. I was going to get forgotten anyways. Now as I lay in my hospital bed, staring blankly at the simple white ceiling I feel long-suppressed tears making their way to the surface once more. I let the tears fall, a heart-shattering sob wrenching itself from my chest as every happy memories comes rushing back, making the loss much greater. A nurse rushes in, a mournful look on her face.
"Thinking about them again?" She asks quietly, sitting down on the edge of my bed. I nod, sobbing finally over everything, everything I lost. Because I did, I lost everything, that stupid day that I forgot my only purpose, the sole reason why I even had happy memories to begin with, the fact that I protected Thomas. She takes a quick photo of the picture I still clutch, giving me a small dose of sleeping medication so that I can drift off to sleep.

Poor Virgil. I know it was hard for him that day that the other sides were split from him. I know the pain too, my host died in a hospital because her nurse was incompetent, so I dedicated my life to helping others. No one knows I was once a side, anxiety no less, I doubt they'd believe me. I wonder what side Virgil was, but there's no way I could ask him that. The other sides from my host died a few years ago, they had finally met up again, I was even on my way so that I saw it happen. A random person took out a  gun, shooting everyone in sight. I don't think Virgil could handle it if he went forever without even knowing what happened to his friends, I know I couldn't. He got ill because he refused to leave his bed, he shouldn't be here right now, age 53 isn't a time that he should be dying, but his lack of a will to live has brought him to the brink of death.
I hurriedly take out my laptop, posting the photo on every website I can find, sending out a small message. My patient, Virgil, is dying, and he only wishes to see the people he cares for again, it may be the only thing to keep him alive. They got separated years ago, on the day this photo was taken. Each of the people in it got their own copy, though sadly the person in the middle, Thomas, was killed by a tragic car accident. If anyone knows someone with this photo, please contact me immediately. Thank you.
I sign off, tears forming in my eyes as I worry no one will respond. I make my way to my own sleeping ward, too tired to notice the small ding my computer makes, simply shutting it tiredly as I hop into bed, drifting off into a restless sleep.

I sit on my bed, scrolling down social media as Thomas once did. Logan would scold him and Roman would yell about his beauty sleep, while Virgil encouraged and discouraged Thomas to continue, at the same time. It was a fun nightly routine, it's horrible that it got ripped from us in such a brutal manner. My heart pangs as I read the first few words of a poor nurses post, it pains me that so many are dying. My breath catches as I reread it though, hurrying through the rest of it. My heart skips a beat as I see the photo, my hands shakily rushing to type out a reply. They must've gone to sleep however, as no one answers. I fall asleep too, for once excited to see morning come.
As I wake I immediately open my laptop, not caring that it is too bright for my eyes. As I see a response my face lights up.
P-I have one of those photos, and I know Virgil. Is there any way I can find him? I miss him so much. (one img. att.)
Z-Yes! That's the same photo, but the background is different so I know it's yours. Do you live in Florida by any chance?
P-Yes, actually I do! What hospital is he in? Is he okay? What happened to him? Do you think he'll live? Is there anything I can do to help him?
Z-I think visiting him would do him the most help, do you know anyone else from the photo, where they are? I know it's hard to locate another side once you've split.
P-Wait, how do you know we're sides? Or were?
Z-I was one myself, Anxiety to be exact, but do you know where the others are?
P-So you're like Virgil! I might know where Logan is, he was Logic, but I have no idea about Roman. I'll help spread this around though.
Z-Thank you. He's in Alcoves Healers. (completely random name)
P-I'll be there in a week, it's the soonest I can come. Thanks.

I hold back a squeal of delight. I can be reunited with my dark strange son!

I only follow a few people on social medias, mostly academics or health-workers, I find their research and developments interesting. I stumble across a rather sorrowful post, concerning the health of one of the patients in a hospital in Florida called Alcoves Healers. I freeze however when I see the name of the patient, scrolling down to the attached image. I leap form my seat, running to my closet and digging  through to find a picture that I had long-tried to forget about, and failed horribly. It shows Patton, an arm around me and Thomas, with Virgil squished in between Thomas and Roman. A few tears fall and I reach out to her, sending her a picture of my own photo. Of course, it will take hours to get there, as I'm a scholar in Birmingham, but it can't hurt to try. Of course, Virgil would say the opposite, but I don't need to think of that right now.
L-Hello. I seem to have the same photograph as you have shown, and I recognize Thomas and Virgil's names as those of my once close friends.
Z-Logan, nice to meet you. Virgil has, unfortunately lost the will to live, causing his health to drop drastically.
I step away from the screen for a moment, wiping away tears before they fall. It's just like when he ducked out, only this time he can actually die, and the only person he'll hurt is himself. I sit back down.
L-How did you know it was me?
Z-I know the speech pattern of a logical side, having lived with one for most of my life, and Patton has also reached out, informing me that Logan was the name of the Logical side for your host. Thomas is, I'm assuming, your former host?
L-Yes. You must know the pains of having been separated. I will come as quick as possible, but it will take a week at least since I live far away. I have no idea where Roman is, he was Creativity so he will be a little, 'extra', with you.
Z-Wait, if you don't mind me asking, was your host's last name Sanders by any chance?
L-Indeed he was, why do you ask?
Z-So you're the Sanders Sides? My host would watch you guys, she literally screamed each time a new video came out, which of course did not help my own anxiety, and thus hers. I recognized your wording and names, I just didn't realize where from until now.
L-It is alright. I shall be there as quick as possible. Thank you.

I let out a sigh of relief, closing my laptop and lying down on my bed. I finally get to see my family again.

I sigh, flopping down dramatically onto an armchair. Being a professional actor is exhausting, especially as you get older. I sneak my phone out of my pocket, quickly scrolling down Tumblr like Vi- no, I promised myself I wouldn't think of them. I can't handle the pain it causes. Unfortunately, the name pops up anyways, a reblogged post from a nurse sitting on my screen. I drop my phone in shock as I see the picture beneath it quickly using my camera to take one of my own, sending it to her. My director calls me out to do the next scene and I sigh, at least we finish filming this week.
Once we're done for the day I take out my phone once more, looking down hopefully at her response.
R-Hello, I'm Roman, and I have the same picture from a day with my friends. Where is the hospital? It would be nice to pay him a visit.
Z-Hello Roman, aka Princey, aka Creativity. Logan and Patton have already contacted me, so I know you're the only one left. Unless Deceit has one of these pictures for some reason, but considering he's not in them I doubt it.
R-The soonest I can come is in a week, we have to finish filming. Is there any way you could let me know of where Virgil is so I can book my travels?
Z-Of course. Here www.alcoves-healing/visits/booking (again, completely made up)
R-Thank you so much. I'll see you as soon as possible.

Finally! I get to see everyone again. I can hardly wait.

I wake up, surprised to see how happy the nurse is. She's smiling, hope shining in her eyes like a beacon. I just watch, trying to observe her actions as she tries to help me. She even opens the window slightly, letting in fresh air that hasn't flowed through her in a weeks. I look up at her curiously.
"If you don't mind me asking, what has got you in such a good mood?" I ask gently, not wanting to offend her. What if I did? What if she doesn't want to help me now? What if-
She seems to recognize the look on my face and quickly waves her hand, letting me know she doesn't mind.
"No, it's fine. Well there a few people who are going to be visiting you next week, I just think it would be nice for you to see more people than just us here at the hospital." I flinch back slightly, wincing as I do so.
"No, that sounds like the opposite of helpful, meeting new people is just a rush of panic and nerves-" She cuts me off, an understanding smile on her face.
"And anxiety and fear because they're new and unfamiliar and that's bad but no one will listen to you about it?" She asks quietly. I stare blankly at her, nodding slightly.
"How do you know?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
"I was once Anxiety, my host died because her nurse was incompetent and didn't pay attention. I know how difficult it can be when other sides don't listen to you. I also" She pauses, looking sheepish "Was a huge fan of the Sanders Sides." My eyes widen even more, my breath catching. She reaches forwards, and after a moment I calm down.
We sit there in silence for a few minutes, just looking at each other as we try to ignore the strangeness of our situation.
"Are you alright?" She asks finally, breaking the silence. I nod, trying to quiet my racing thoughts.
"Yes, I just- even with all the strange situations I've been in, and trust me, there are plenty, this one takes the cake." I say a small smile forming on my face for the first time in months. Her smile brightens slightly, the hope growing in her eyes even more. Maybe things won't be completely awful after all.

Nope, I was wrong. It's been a week and even with another side that understands me, it's just reminding me of every moment with the others. She, while being nice company, just can't replace everything I've known about them. There are people coming today too! How am I supposed to cancel now, it's been planned for at least a week! I can't just do that, she'll hate me for it! I can't I can't I can't I can't I CAN'T! My breathing becomes jagged as my heartbeat increases to an unhealthy level, my vision blurring as I try to stop the panic attack. Eventually, Zilla ends up coming in and she calms me down, but I still have a pang of heartbreak as more painful memories spring up.
I was freaking out, curled in on myself in my own room, silent tears falling down my face. They wouldn't understand, they'd hate me for trying to end Thomas's date now, especially when they thought it was going so well. But he hated Thomas, it was radiating off him and no one could feel it, since they hadn't gone through enough hate, or really any, to recognize it. My breathing was completely irregular and my hear was pounding out of my chest, I could only see a blurry outline of the room I was in. Sobs were torn from my throat as I panicked even more, they would hate me if I tried to do anything! I can't go back to that!
Suddenly, I heard the sound of wood breaking, making me flinch back violently. I started seeing figures walking towards me, their outlines being the only thing I could really see. Tears fell more freely, but I heard their voices, gentle and comforting. Eventually, they helped me calm down, sad looks on their faces. It was the others.
Luckily, with some explaining, I got Thomas out of there. No one was even mad at me, only sad that I had gone through so much that I was able to recognize it.
There were so many other memories like that! How could I turn my back on them, after everything we've been through? I'm horrible, I've known it since the day I formed, but this is only further proof. I let my thoughts wander, the darkness seeming to creep in as I hear a knock at the door. I motion for Zilla to let them in and she does so, her face gleeful. I wince as I hear the door creak open, looking up to see who's there.
I stare in shock as I see three people standing there, one in a light blue shirt with glasses, another in a black shirt, tie and glasses, and another in a white shirt with a red scarf draped around him. No. It couldn't be?
But it was. And as they step forwards, I know it more certainly than I  have ever known anything else. She leaves the room silently as I sit up abruptly, my eyes wide.
"Virgil?" Patton asks, his voice quiet and hopeful.
"Patton? Logan? Roman? What-" I cut myself off, tears forming in my eyes as I smile ever-so-slightly. They rush forwards and we all join together in a tight embrace. None of us had dry eyes, and I don't think we will for a while.
Sure, it will take a while to make up for all the lost time. But for now, I'm just happy I can be with my family again.