Spider-Man and IronDad One Shots

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

I haven't updated in ages I'm sorry oops.

So @biggest-yaoi-girl requested a oneshot and uh let me say that this is a crack fic.

There's no actual plot and some things from the original request have been removed (eg, no Stony, I really genuinely detest Stony, but you can ship it, it's your life.)

Peter honestly detested Flash with his whole heart. The annoying little asshole constantly pestered him and when it stopped for a bit, Peter thought he could build a friendship but soon found out it was a temporary break.

As he sat down with Ned for lunch, the daily routine began.

"Yo Penis! Sitting with your fat ass friend again? Even he could do better than you." Flash let out a cruel laugh while his friends snickered in the background. "Did you lie to him about the stupid internship too?"

Flash continued to let out insult after insult and Peter was praying for lunch to end when he heard a faint sound. As it became louder it was clear the rest of the cafeteria heard it too.

It was the calm before the storm, and the whole room seemed to rumble. At last, a wall broke, no disintegrated and the earths mightiest heroes stood.

Hulk was heaving and angry and the rest of the team looked ready to kill.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!" Tony screamed and Flash cowered.

"Y-you can't hurt me..."

"Oh we'll see about that..." Natasha smirked and without warning, parts of the ceiling came down.

A space ship flew down casting a shadow and numerous advanced hover crafts flew down. Out of the spaceship the guardians strutted out and out of the hover crafts, Wakandans. Shirt practically flew out of the air craft and ran at Flash.

"YEET! WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY VINE BRO?!" She screamed throwing a soda can at him.

The guardians came next:

"I'd challenge you to a dance off but you don't deserve it."

"I'll slit your throat, bitch."

"I've mastered the craft of invisibility, you won't even see me when I crush you."

"I'll kick your name and take your ass."

"This little asshat, brat, motherfucker-" A raccoon walked out of the spaceship followed by a... tree?

"I... AM... GROOT!" The tree like creature extended its arms and wrapped them around Flash, constructing him.

The Avengers, Shuri and T'Challa stood by Peter protectively. Suddenly, another wall turned to dust. Literally.

There in all their glory stood every villain Peter had faced in his lifetime. Even the smaller ones, like mugger's, robbers etc.

Thanos held up his gold gauntlet and clenched his fist.

"ONLY WE CAN BE ASS HOLES TO THESE PEOPLE."

The Vulture swooped in, throwing confetti and candy.

"YOU AIn't quALIFIED FOR THIS SHIT!" He screamed and every single person of power present charged at Flash.

The students that were still present thought that things couldn't get any more wild but they were wrong as fuck.

One of the final walls of the cafeteria exploded and as the dust settled, Wade Wilson or better known as Deadpool stood tall and proud.

"WHAT DIS YOUR MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCKING STANKY BITCH ASS SAY ABOUT MY BABY BOY?!?!?!" He screamed and with a war cry leapt onto Flash, katanas out.

Everyone else present soon joined and attacked flash.

With the help of Thanos time slowed down because that's a cool effect and they wanted to look bad ass, don't judge life choices okay.

Flash screamed so loud he was about to make everyone in the room deaf.

"NO! I'M SORRY-"

They say it was a painful death and nothing less was wished for. Flash's funeral had only 2 attendances, his poor lil parents and they say that even Thanos was forever caught under the spell of Peter's cuteness and smolness.

The day was marked as historic, and Peter was crowned king of the underworld with Shuri ruling by his side, making all laws based on vines.

THE FUCKING END

...

And there you go my friends, a crack fic made by an author who has now idea wtf she's doing. If you want more, go ahead and ask.