In The Eye of the Beholder | Jonathan Crane

May 1990

It's funny that way, you can get used

To the tears and the pain

What a child will believe

You never loved me

-Oh, Father (Madonna)

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I waited under my tree for Jonathan. Well, I suppose it had become our tree. Objectively speaking, of course. I couldn't own a tree.

It was funny to me. Eight months ago, Jonathan Crane was a mystery to me. Eight months ago I never imagined I would have ever been friends with him. Seven months ago that changed. And I don't think I'd ever been happier.

"You're late," I said to him as he finally arrived.

"I had something I needed to do," he answered.

"I'm mad at you now, you know," I told him.

"What did I do this time?"

"You didn't talk to me all day. You ignored me. All day," I said. I stuck my lower lip out to pout.

"I know. And I must say, it was very peaceful," he responded.

"Hey," I said as I lightly poked him with my elbow. I didn't miss him wince.

"Happy birthday by the way," he said absentmindedly.

"What?"

"It's the 11th, isn't it?"

I instantly sat up straighter.

"You're joking. I completely forgot!" I exclaimed. He shook his head and laughed to himself. I think I heard him mutter 'only you' under his breath.

"Oh shut up. I've had a lot on my mind," I said before shoving him playfully. He winced again.

"Are you okay, Jonathan?" I asked. He nodded. I dropped the subject.

"You know, since it is my birthday and you didn't talk to me all day, I think you owe me."

"What do you want?"

"You can help me with science."

I listened carefully to him as he explained to me what I was supposed to do. I was horrible at science. It was something that made no sense to me. And after he explained it to me, I still didn't get it.

"I don't understand this at all," I groaned after we had finally finished the assignment.

"Are you even passing the class?" he asked.

"Of course. I have a solid D+," I announced proudly. He rolled his eyes before leaning back. Then he groaned.

"Hey, what's wrong? And don't say it's nothing," I warned. "You're lying."

"I'm fine Amber," he said through his teeth.

"No, you're not! What's wrong with your back?"

"Nothing!"

"Stop lying! Please tell me what's wrong!" I begged. I couldn't stand seeing him in pain.

He hesitated, but he turned his back to me. Slowly he raised his shirt and my breath caught in my throat. Deep scars littered his back. Some were longer than others, some were deeper than others. Some looked old while others looked new. I reached out to trace one of them with my fingertip. He shuddered at my touch.

"Who the hell did this to you?" I asked quietly. He didn't answer. "Jonathan-"

"My grandmother, are you happy?" he snapped. He covered the scars again and turned back to me.

"No, I'm not happy! You have to tell someone!"

"No."

"Then I'll tell someone!"

"Absolutely not," he snarled.

"You can't let this-"

"You think I don't know that! I can handle it. Do you understand? Stay out of it!" he snapped at me again. My eyes fell to the ground.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I just-I hate seeing you hurt. You're my best friend Jonathan. I don't want you to be in pain. You don't deserve it."

Jonathan let out a heavy sigh. "I know what you're like.. You're always trying to help others. Let me deal with this on my own. You don't need to get involved. I can handle it."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Amber."

We sat in silence for a time. I felt like I was going to cry. Jonathan was right; I was always trying to help people. Part of me hated the fact that not everyone wanted my help.

"You don't deserve to be in pain either, Amber," Jonathan said suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Do you think I haven't noticed how you always make an effort to cover your arms? I've seen them. The purple spots on your arms. I've seen how you flinch when someone touches you. It's hardly noticeable, but I'm observant and I'm not stupid. I've seen them. You were good at hiding them at first. I would never have guessed someone was hurting you. I know it's your father who does it to you. Your mother is not present. No one dares bother you-"

"Please stop," I interrupted. " I can handle it. Anyway, it's not all the time. It's fine."

If he could play that game, so could I.

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A/N: Early update! Might even get a second chapter out this week now that I have time to write. Enjoy lovelies!