In The Eye of the Beholder | Jonathan Crane

June 1992

Let me

Get in that sinking feeling

That says my heart is on an all time low - so

Don't expect me to behave perfectly and wear that sunny smile

-My Melancholy Blues (Queen)

___________________________________________________________

It had been ages since I had been beneath the tree that I had claimed as my own. It had been even longer since I'd been under it with Jonathan. He was reading a book. I absentmindedly pulled grass out of the ground.

"You know, we've only got one year left of school," I mentioned casually to Jonathan. He didn't respond. I tried again.

"Do you have any plans for what you'll do once we graduate? I'm sure you've already gotten tons of offers from schools."

"Gotham University. Major in psychology, get a minor in chemistry," he answered. I nodded.

"That's nice."

"What about you?"

"Haven't picked a school yet, but I want a degree in journalism."

He nodded slowly, not saying anything in response. I picked more blades of grass from the ground.

"So, you've been spending time with Sherry. What's up with that?" I asked.

"I've been tutoring her."

"Oh. Do you still have a crush on her?"

"She is attractive."

"That's not what I asked."

"No, Amber. I don't. Is that important to you?" he asked. I noticed him slowly push his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"No, I guess not. I just thought that you might've. You've never indicated otherwise. Nevermind. It's not really my business anyway."

Neither of us continued talking. Jonathan buried his nose deeper in the book while I stared at nothing. My fingers tapped against the ground instead of pulling grass out of the dirt. The sky was starting to turn a pink color.

"I should be going. It's getting late," I said.

"Wait. Before you go, let me ask you something."

"What?"

Jonathan marked his page, set the book down and stood. He towered over me, like usual. I raised my head to meet his eyes.

"Is something wrong? You haven't seemed very, happy, I guess. You haven't seemed happy in a while."

Did he actually notice that? He wasn't completely wrong. I hadn't been myself in months. Not since I'd heard about the incident between Jonathan and Bo. What happened to Bo was essentially my fault.

"I guess I haven't."

"Why?"

"Things."

"What kind of things? Your dad?"

"No, not my dad. What you did to Bo has been bothering me. What happened was my fault. It's been on my mind," I admitted.

"What happened wasn't your fault. He shouldn't have hurt you," Jonathan tried to defend me. Himself and me.

"But-"

"Forget what happened, Amber. It's done. What happened can't be changed," Jonathan snapped. I lowered my head.

"You're right."

No, he wasn't. How could I forget what he did?

"I should go now. I can't be late. See you later, Jonathan."

How could he be so indifferent to what he did? How could he expect me not to care?

__________________________________________________________

A/N: Sorry for the long wait and short chapter. The next chapter should be longer, but I can't say how long the wait will be.