In The Eye of the Beholder | Jonathan Crane

April 2007

City pulls me in closer than I've ever been

There ain't no way I can escape

Without a doubt, you know that I would tread the deepest end

Thousand years forever in a day

But I don't wanna drown in you

I'm sinking, then I'm torn in two

-Drown In You (Daughtry)

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Images of the attack flashed through my mind. The terrified people of the Narrows running about. Their frantic steps to get away from the toxin. Their screams still ringing in my ears. The sight of a child laying in the street.

It'd been five days since the attack. Four since I'd found out it was Jonathan's fault. People said it was too early for me to have returned to work. But I needed to work. I needed to do something to keep my mind from drifting back to what happened. Not that working was helping me forget all that much. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it. I couldn't stop thinking about him.

I thought about leaving Gotham. Somewhere deep inside me, I doubted I'd be able to. I was as much a part of Gotham as it was now a part of me.

"Amber," a gentle voice tore me from my thoughts. Paul stood behind me. His hands were twitching.

"Yeah?" I answered. Part of me wanted to ask him to leave me alone. But I knew that I had come in of my own volition, and would, therefore, need to do what he asked.

"I'm sorry if I startled you. I have to ask you to do something," he apologized before sitting beside me.

"What is it, Paul?" I asked.

"You were in the Narrows when the attack happened. You're one of the only people who clearly remembers what happened because the toxin didn't affect you. I need you to write an article about what happened," he explained. Didn't affect me?

"I can do that." I nodded and forced a smile. He returned one, patted my hand, and left.

He couldn't be more wrong about it not affecting me. I suppose he assumed I wasn't affected because I didn't describe having terrifying visions. But my fear wasn't something that could be seen. It could only be heard.

I would write the story. Eventually. I wasn't about to get anything done at the moment, though. There was far too much on my mind. Mainly Jonathan.

Gordon's number sat in my pocket. He'd given it to me if I had anything else to discuss. I hadn't used it.

I took it out of my pocket. Then I dialed the number.

"Hello. Captain Gordon? This is Amber Connery. I'd like to come in if that would be okay. It is? Great, I'll see you later then."

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"Thank you for allowing this," I thanked Captain Gordon. We were waiting for Jonathan to be brought to one of the interrogation rooms.

"It's no trouble. We, like you, want to know why he did this. He hasn't said anything. We're trying to get him to talk before he's moved to the asylum. Maybe he'll talk to you," Gordon said.

"Maybe," I answered. A cop had arrived with Jonathan. He didn't spare a glance my way.

Jonathan sat in a chair. I sat opposite him. The cop and Gordon left the room. We were alone in the room. Gordon was no doubt watching. It had been quiet for a few moments before I decided to speak.

"Hello, Jonathan," I started softly. I was met with no response. He still wouldn't look at me.

"Why did you do it?" I asked. "Why would you do something like that? Was it because of what happened when we were children?"

"What did you see?" he asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"The toxin. What did it make you see?" he asked again. He finally raised his head, and I could see his blue eyes. They were unemotional. Like always.

"Nothing," I answered. "Now tell me why you did what you did."

No answer.

Furious now, I slapped my hands on the table.

"Goddammit, Jonathan! Answer me!" I yelled. Tears pricked my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I didn't want him to know how much his actions hurt me. I doubted whether he would even care.

"You didn't see anything? That's impossible unless... unless what you're afraid of can't be seen. Tell me, Amber, what was it you heard?"

This time I was the one who refused to answer.

"Was it their screams? Did they ring louder in your ears? Do they still?" he continued. His voice was the same as always. Unemotional. Clinical. Yet, there was still something dark in his tone. His voice was almost enough to make me leave. This wasn't the Jonathan I was used to. This wasn't the Jonathan that I loved.

"Jonathan, please tell me something," I begged.

"I never counted on you being there," he said.

"The only reason I was there was you! I was worried about you! And when I heard it was you who released the toxin... for some reason, for some twisted reason, I was only a little surprised. Did I know what you were going to do? No. Did I think something was wrong with you? Yes, but I didn't do a goddamn thing! Not even when you caused Bo to crash his car!"

"You don't know-"

"Don't fucking say I don't know you did that. You fucking did, just admit it! You know it and I know it!"

He didn't answer.

"Everyone thinks I was unaffected by your toxin. They're wrong. Do you want to know what I heard? Yes, I heard everyone's screams, louder than they actually were. Every noise was amplified. Every single fucking sound. But this time it was your fault. I trusted you, Jonathan. I trusted you and loved you," I said. My voice was strained.

His eyes bore into mine as if daring me to keep talking. I accepted the dare.

"You were manipulating me, weren't you? I don't know when you started, or if you've always been manipulating me, but you have. Haven't you?" I said.

"There were times that were opportune, yes," Jonathan agreed. It killed me to hear those words.

"Are you going to tell me why you made a-" I paused, trying to think of what to call his creation, "a fear toxin. Or am I not worth an explanation?"

Jonathan didn't answer. That in itself was answer enough. I was not worth an explanation.

"Okay then. Have fun in Arkham," I said, trying to sound as indifferent as possible. I was sure there was plenty of emotion dripping from my words, instead. I got up and walked to the door. My hand was on the handle when he spoke again.

"Amber," he said. I stopped. "There was nothing you could have done to stop me."

I said nothing as I opened the door. I didn't turn to look back at him. I didn't acknowledge Gordon or the other cop as I walked past them, even when Gordon called my name. I didn't want any of them to see the tears running down my face.

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A/N: Here it is guys; we're almost at the end. There is one more chapter left and it will be over. It should be up tomorrow or Tuesday. Hope you enjoy this chapter!