This Is Our Love Story

4: This Is Who I Am

Why are you so stupid!? You just ruined something that you'll probably never ever hear again! He was just trying to be nice. Just accept the freaking compliment! I pinch the bridge of my nose as I flop down on my bed. I wish I could just rewind time and say thank you or something other than my moody comment. 

I squeeze my eyes shut and sigh. I just wish my stupid body would shrink. I just wish I could be beautiful for once. I wish I could love myself. I wish all these things, but what am I doing to help make it happen? Nothing? I guess I just don't have enough courage. 

A weed is what you are. You crawl up and strangle the life out of a form. You can't keep doing this. You take too much away from people like space, smiles, laughs, happiness, and life. You should probably just disappear. 

My eyes widen. Y-you're right. I turn on my side and let small tears fall down my face. What the fuck am I doing? I reach out my hand and fling open the drawer to my nightstand. I stick my hand in and rummage around for anything to take the pain away. I feel a warm tear slide down my chin and onto my neck. 

I grab hold of what I think is a razor. A crazed smile curves my lips upwards. I laugh. No one will care if I just take a little bit off the top. I pull my sleeve down and admire a scar from long ago. 

Do it. You don't deserve happiness. You either die with the pain or die without the pain. Your choice. 

"Mable?"

Ignore him. He doesn't matter. All that matters is you do what needs to be done. Why don't you try cutting a little deeper than usual?

"Mabe, where did ya go?" 

A slick cut across my right wrist. 

You did well. Perfect. Next time, cut even deeper. 

"May? Are you in here?" Marcus appears in my doorway. Shit. I slip my sleeve down over the cut and quickly stuff the razor back in the drawer. "What are you doing?" He tilts his head. 

"Nothing important." I laugh. 

You are nothing important. 

Marcus shakes his head and walks further into my room. "May, what am I going to do with you?" He chuckles. I stare at him. Don't come any closer. Don't look at me like that. Don't give me those eyes.

If he finds out you'll be in big trouble. Don't let him come any closer. Build up a wall and push him away. Send your armada of sleek ships that will blow up his feelings for you.

But... he's my brother. 

You were adopted. He doesn't think of you as a sister. Get those happy thoughts out of your head. They don't belong here.

"Hey... are you okay?" Marcus asks, but before he can take another step into my life I push back, hard.

"I'm fine. Can you leave me alone? Go bother Liam or something. Jeez, you're so annoying." I roll my eyes. 

It's working.

"What? What are you saying? I just want to make sure you're okay." Marcus tilts his head and ties to step closer. 

"Well, I'm fine okay I don't need you to butt into my life and try to be my mother." I growl. Marc backs off. 

"Fine Mable, be that way." He grumbles and walks off.

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"Don't you dare bro." I peek around the corner and into the kitchen. Liam is laughing as Marcus nudges him.