Burnt Skies || seaycee || on hold

self love friendship and art

(Disclaimer this chapter doesn't make any sense)

Kaycee POV

As I rose from a heavy slumber I am first aware of the coolness of the air and its earthy fragrance. The bed felt lumpy as if I were on rocks and stones. My clothes feel as damp as a flower in the dew of the dawn. I half wonder if I'm still dreaming as I sit up to take in the shafts of light that burst through the large glass windows. Now I'm awake, perhaps more fully awake than I've ever been. There are no sense of comfortability around me and no sign of another person. As far as I can tell I am alone with the birds who make their carefree song around me, and in that sweet melody, I feel more alone. I got up from the bed that used to give me so much comfort but now felt like a jail cell. I entered the bathroom looking into the mirror gathering my features. When I look into a mirror I know I'm looking at someone who believes they don't deserve to be loved. Someone who isn't sure she should be loved at all. With all of the things I've done in the past to myself and others, I tried using New York as a way to escape but instead, I'm using it as a distraction. A distraction to what I want to keep hidden. I see a monster. A monster is hidden in the mirror. It looks deep in my eyes seeing how broken I am and whispers don't fear, you are the only one that knows I'm here. I splashed cold water trying to get the image out of my head. When I look up it's still there staring at me with its devilish smile. It was like it was mocking me. Judging me every time I moved. I couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't allow myself to take it anymore. So I punched the mirror. I didn't even feel the pain. I just felt numb and was satisfied with the now broken mirror. I looked closer in the mirror. To make sure it was gone. But it was still there smirking at me. I ran out and slammed the door behind me. Taking a shallow shaky breath. Repeaditly shaking my head back and forth rubbing my bloody hands through my hair trying to grasp the little sanity left in my head. I know earlier I said I try to keep an equal balance between light and dark. But it gets hard.

I go to my closet in search of a bandage to cover up any pieces of the recent moments that occurred. There was a sharp jagged piece of glass sticking out of my knuckles. I took the piece of cloth and put in my mouth to soften my screams. I slowly but steadily took the glass out biting down on the cloth letting out a yelp. I took the cloth out of my mouth and quickly applied pressure to my knuckles. Letting out a sigh of relief. I walked to my bed and found a little note.

Sorry that I left unannounced I just couldn't force myself to wake you up. I loved yesterday it was truly an eye-opener. I hope we can do it again one day. - sean lew ♡

A small smile appeared on my lips. I placed the note back on my side table and laid on my bed my eyes looking up at the ceiling. How did I get this lucky to meet him? It was odd for me to make a connection so fast, to give my trust so easily, tentative though it was. There was something in the way he smiled, a warmth, a genuineness, a softness of spirit I just couldn't pass up. He listened like he was absorbing my words, not simply getting me a "turn" over and done with so he could return to some other topic. He took the time to listen to my words carefully. He was very delicate with them as if he was holding a fine piece of expensive jewelry. The more time I spend with him the more my spirit lifted, he was the new friend I didn't know I needed for so long. He was the sun to my rain.

I walked to the kitchen and saw the freshly made pancakes sitting on the countertop. I got my phone and texted Sean.

Good morning, I'm glad you had a great experience and thank you for the pancakes.

Sean almost replied instantly.

No problem. I think it's my turn to give you an experience. Meet me at my house at 9:00 pm.

I smiled. I truly found someone who understands me.

I got up and decided that I need to start my day at one point in my life. So I need to pick my sad self up and take on the world head first. I looked into my long mirror that was hanging on the wall reflecting the light that shone through the windows. I realize that I need to work on my self-love. The more self-love I have the less I'll tolerate nonsense. Which includes my past so that is what I am going to do from here on out. I look myself in the eyes and said," I am loved, I am wonderfully made, I am beautiful, I have purpose, and The universe has a great plan for me." I nodded agreeing with my statement with a big smile plastered on my face. I walked to the bathroom completely ignoring the broken mirror and I washed my face. After I did my skincare routine I went to the kitchen and ate my pancakes. I soon realized that I have no clothes to change into and also no transportation back home. After all, this is only a place I go to clear my mind and to just get away from my problems, not my house. So I decided to look up the closest subway station and hope for the best.

I walked to the subway station and looked around. The art that filled the walkway. The upcoming musicians doing what they love to do. The graffiti that enlighten and gave us hope or showed us a message. A way for the artist to express their feelings. It makes you wonder how can place that has so much beauty be in one of the most busiest city. How do people just walk right past it not acknowledging its presence? Art speaks where words are unable to speak. Why wouldn't you stop, for a moment and just take it in? Aren't you curious to see what they have to say? I mean art is the only way to run away without leaving home. My art is dance. I'm glad that was able to find my safe place.

⚯

I got home to be greeted by my lovely mom cooking breakfast this morning. "Hi sweetie, where were you off to this morning." My mom said totally oblivious to my successful escape yesterday. "Just hanging around with a new guy I met at the cafe. It's crazy how we have so many similar interests." My mom seemingly looked more interested in the conversation after I said a new guy. "Is there something going on between you two." "No mom we just met." Which was a lie because we did kiss but we both agreed that it be better for us to get to know each other first.

Why can't we just be friends without people automatically assuming we are destined to be together. Why must our society run on love why not the build-up of friendship that comes before? Why must we value love more than friendship? I believe there is nothing more to be prized than a true friendship. Someone who sticks with you through thick and thin. The person who you know will always be there. That one person who accepts you for who you are, but also helps you become who you should be. That one person that you can trust with your secrets. A bond that could last forever. If you truly think about it friendship is tied together with love. "Friendships are medicine for the wounded heart, and vitamins for the hopeful souls."

•••

So umm sorry for that like depressing dark thingy that happens at the beginning of the chapter. I was in a mood. 😂 Probably won't be addressing it anywhere else in this book so.. I wrote this chapter in the span of 5 days so if it's all over the place with like 50 different messages happening at the same time that's why. If you made it this far without getting confused you deserve an award because I confused myself with this chapter.
Umm yeah that's it bye ✌︎