Random Thoughts!

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now

I have so many things in my mind. I have been watching the Sanders Sides videos on YouTube because my friend crazy-obsessed said that he was popular or something. To be honest I don't remember what it was... WAIT I know now after thinking for a minute! It was that my friend created a RP with the Sanders Sides. I have to give a shout out to Thomas-Sanders because his videos helped me when I was thinking about things.

I still have a lot on my mind and I don't know how I feel at the moment because I am feeling WAY TOO MANY right now and some of it is hard to describe in detail without ranting.

I may not understand a lot of things but what I do understand is after watching those videos and reading quotes I feel a little better. I only say a little because my brother has not stopped watching Youtube all freaking day. He never used headphones and always watches a lot of stupid stuff! (That's my opinion of it anyway.) I know some of the people he watches because when he's not watching he is talking all about the videos and the people he is following so he can get the latest videos to watch and other random stuff.

Some of the people he talks about is Preston_Plays, Logdotzip, unspeakable-gaming, moosecraft, kenworth, etc.
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In other news this morning my expert were cold so I put some socks on. My mother kept telling at me to help her and I wanted to roll my eyes at her but she would have smacked me. So when I got up to help her I slid on to the floor and my knee  was the first thing to hit. With hardwood floors it's very bad. My knee has been hurting all day. I tried to walk around a few times but it felt like my leg was going to collapse and I would not my knee again and make it feel like I was in a darker place than hell.

I don't know if I'm just thinking too hard or if I have done something wrong but I think too much about the worst in situations. I thought I cleared up how I was feeling yesterday but NO it's been with me all day. I think I was only telling myself I forgot about my feelings so I could sleep because I was so exhausted last night. I went to just breath for a minute to calm down my thinking but I was out like a light after a few minutes.
Someone was PMing me last night right after I fell asleep and I felt so bad that I was crying for an hour after I tried responding to them. They have not been on all day so when ever I try to go check their MB or activity it only shows what they did last night. I know it sounds weird like I'm a stalker or something, but all I was trying to do was see when they would be back on. I hate myself so much right now that I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I think that I am trying to be positive but can't and it kills me. I want to ask hell to come take me away from my cruel thoughts and secret punishments of hating myself.