It all comes to here

Its only the beging

When I started feeling like everything and everyone would be better without me that's when I started to try to help myself. I made myself do things so I wouldn't hurt myself or anything. I didn't want to make another bad decisions. At night I'd lock the door get in bed and stopped myself from cutting. It was hard I really was tempted. But instead I locked myself away from anything that would hurt me. I would sit and cry. I felt as almost my tears were draining my happiness. Every day it was getting worse. But I didn't wanna show it. I hid it as best as I could. I felt as if my mind and feelings were controlling me like a puppet. Depression isn't something to play with. It end up so bad I couldn't hid it. I cried every morning and night. One morning at school I looked so bad and was on the verge of crying. My friend asked
"What's wrong? You look like you can burst in tears"
I then did. I started crying and couldn't stop. She helped. She hugged me for minutes and told everyone not to talk to me. She was there and I was very grateful. Then it all started to go up hill from there. I was getting better(I thought). But I lead myself to keep trying and trying.
I told myself
One day you'll get what you need and want. You'll have a light at the end. You'll have a real smile.