Rambles in Blue Jeeps

11/24/18

Hey, guys!

So today's installment of Nobody Cares Blue, Why Do You Write These Things? will be pretty random.

At the moment I'm petsitting for my boss and I kind of get in a weird mood when I'm here.

Like I feel cut off from everything and lonely because I usually never have a whole house to myself.

What's weird is, I'm dying to have my own place. (I already have apartments picked out that I want to live in lol. Just need a good paying job, which will hopefully happen after college.) But I think why I don't love being here is that it's not my place.

Like I can't fully relax or something? I don't know.

This is the third time I've housesat here and I really don't mind it. Plus I get paid good money to do it, so I can't pass it up. But I would rather not be in a house that's not mine all day, surrounded by animals that aren't mine? Does that make sense?

I don't know.

I'm no Sam Mitchell guys. haha! I can't pull it off like he does.

Plus...I'm like...really lazy 😂

I don't want to wake up and play ball with the dogs before I feed them and the cats. Can't I just lay in bed? lol.

And like I said, I just get lonely. Which makes me post a lot on instagram and whatnot in the hopes that you guys will talk to me 😭 I'm pathetic haha!

Petsitting/housesitting is just my side job though. My real job is making jewelry for a jewelry designer (who I'm housesitting for).

I got my first job ever when I was nineteen. I was worried I wasn't going to find a job that I wanted because I was a little old to be getting my first job when I had never been to college or even graduated high school.

But I ended up getting a job at the bead store that my mom worked at.

I loved it at first, like I think everyone that starts working there does.

Then...like everyone does, I began hating it.

My boss was an asshole after awhile.

And when I was going through my major depression that I told you guys about, he yelled at me and (TRIGGER WARNING) I basically made plans for the rest of the day about how I was going to kill myself.

Pretty fucked up, right?

I mean in a normal circumstance, I probably would've just gotten pissed and brushed it off. But I was really depressed and anxious and just in a bad place, so I couldn't just brush it off.

There were times during this depression that a customer would be really rude to me and I would go into the bathroom and cry afterwards.

Customers there could be soooo rude, for the most unnecessary reasons.

So I can't remember exactly how it all went because it was so long ago, but I think I was enjoying myself a lot there until my bipolar disorder got out of hand.

Then being there was just really hard.

I eventually got better, like I told you guys.

But being at work never got better for me.

I became a bitch to people.

Like before my depression, people loved me. Some people would come in just for me and ask specifically for me.

I don't remember how things were when I was depressed but I know it wasn't good.

Then I was just terrible after I got on my medication.