Rambles in Blue Jeeps

12/23/18

Well, I didn't plan on making another one of these until the new year and I already have one planned that I want to write in a couple months, but I just felt like I should get my thoughts out instead of keeping them bottled up.

I'm assuming most of you are aware of the situation that happened a couple days ago on my profile, but in case you aren't, this is what happened: I posted a message to inform my readers that I wasn't going to be able to post a PB chapter like I had been hoping because I had had a panic attack. I felt extremely guilty as it was, but after I posted the message a few people decided to post messages and tell me that I'm ALWAYS making excuses and that I'm probably not even telling the truth. Probably just lying and making up an excuse for why I'm not writing.

This hurt me more than I can even explain.

I had always felt like my followers were always on my side and cared about me because I care about all of you. I tell you guys that I love and that's the truth. I may not know all of you by name or talked to all of you, but I do care about you. The fact that some of my followers, who I thought felt the same way about me as I did about them, tried to tear me down and make my problems seem like lies and excuses hurt me terribly.

And honestly, this changed a lot for me.

I do not feel the same way about my followers as I did before. I feel like I was slapped across the face or brought back down to earth.

Some of you don't care about the way I feel and only want to read about the characters I write.

And I suppose that's normal and okay, but just not what I anticipated. What's not okay is to tell me I'm lying when I said I had a panic attack. I have never been treated that way in my entire life. Well at least not for a very very long time.

And now, I don't feel as close to my followers as I once did. I didn't write a long note at the end of the newest PB chapter because I felt like my thoughts and feelings were not welcome.

I may get back to writing them but I don't know right now.

Many of you were really really kind, the majority of you were so nice that I can't even believe it, but for some reason those negative comments always stick out.

I don't want to feel less love for you guys just because of a few bad apples. But it may take a little time for me to get back to my former self. So I'm sorry if I don't reply to as many comments on chapters or reply to all messages on my message board. I will reply to all of you here because I feel like I can trust you the most. Hopefully I don't get anything negative or else I may just give up altogether.

You guys here know that I have bipolar disorder, but everyone else that passes by these little rambles doesn't know that. But that shouldn't mean that people think I'm lying when I have mental health issues.

Also, I'm sorry that updates have been taking longer. It was like a month since I updated anything and I got hate when other people who do the same don't get any hate at all.

If anyone asks me when certain chapters will be out I most likely won't answer. But I am working on stuff. After I'm done writing this and post it I'm going to work on more chapters. I hope to have a chapter up before Christmas but I'm not making any promises.

I also just wanted to thank a few people for really helping out through this. Thank you Titan1a and silverthornes  There was many more people, but you guys stick out the most so thank you. You were replying to all of the negative messages when I couldn't so thank you a lot. And then there is my good friend RawrAttack who I don't know what I would've done without. Thank you. I know I've said it numerous times already but thank you again. You're one of the kindest people I know and this past week would've been way way worse if it hadn't been for you.

Thank you so much ❤️ and thank you to everyone else that left kind messages, you are the best people in the world. I love you Little Jeeps ❤️

(I'm sorry I didn't mention you all by name but there were literally so many of you that sent me kind, wonderful things! Just know that I appreciate every single one you and would give you all a hug if I could.)

____________

Changing the subject to lighter topics, I wanted to do something fun with my characters and @RawrAttack and I came up with the idea to have my characters react to comments.

For example, I would show a screenshot of the comment and Danny, Elijah, Tom, Taylor or whoever would answer it or react to it.

I think it could be super funny. And I really want to do it.

But I would like your guys' help.

If you want to help, you can send me any screenshots of comments you would like to see characters react to. And you can send them to me on Instagram.

The only comments I would not like to see are ones calling Elijah a rapist. Other than that, all comments are welcome.

It can be on any of my stories.

If you think it's stupid and don't want to help out then you totally don't have to obviously lol.

I want to post it on New Year's Eve/New Year's Day, so there's lots of time to send me a comment if you would like to.

I would also like to post a bunch of chapters then, but I'm again not going to make promises. If this does happen, would you guys like to see chapters for a bunch of different stories? Or a bunch of chapters for one story?

Let me know! ☺️

____________

This is going to be a short ramble I guess.

I would love to talk to you all though because I feel like I need to to get back to normal.

I hope you have a great Christmas if you celebrate it ❤️ I love you and hope to talk to you soon.

—Blue