Rambles in Blue Jeeps

3/17/19

Hey, Little Jeeps!

Long time since I've posted one of these. How are all of you?

As some of you may know, I haven't been doing the best. But I'm trying to get better.

For those of you that may read this in the future and don't know what I'm talking about, my story Sweet Kitten was removed by Wattpad for restricted content. I understand why it was taken down because it was against Wattpad's guidelines, even though I didn't know that at first. Now I know and I understand why it was taken down. Doesn't mean I'm happy about it, but I understand. It's frustrating because that was my story that was doing the best and it really motivated me to write it. That was a lot of people's favorite Tainted Love story which is also sad. But it's on Inkitt now and you can read it there.

Another thing that has sucked is that my views, likes, follows, all of that has gone way down. I'm getting maybe half the notifications that I was getting before.

And I know that that isn't everything. It's definitely not the most important thing. But it is a little discouraging to see your growth declining so much just out of nowhere. Maybe it will go back up, maybe it won't. Either way, I'm trying to get back into the normal swing of things.

I posted a chapter yesterday for the first time in weeks. I have been on a hiatus way too long and the longer I stay away from Wattpad, the more Wattpad makes me feel anxious.

So the best thing to do is to just start posting again.

Lots of things have also been going on in my real life that had me a little stressed.

First of all, I have a lot of work to do for my job and I have been procrastinating soooooooo much. It's so bad. I'm awful. I suck. lol.

So that's one thing that has been stressing me out.

But another huge thing that had been stressing me out was what I planned to do about school.

As you may know (I can't remember if I mentioned it here, but I probably did), I was studying graphic design. I took a semester off because school was stressing me out a lot and some big things were going to change in my life and I didn't need the added stress of school right now.

But the thing that kept creeping up in my mind and causing me anxiety was that I was thinking that I didn't want to study graphic design anymore.

I don't think I'm that good at it. I'm not terrible, but I've seen other people's stuff, like online or other people in my classes, and I just knew that I could not compete with that. If you're not a great artist, you're just not going to cut it. And I don't think I'm a great artist.

Another thing that was bothering me about it was that I didn't have fun doing my projects in school. So I was thinking, well if I'm dreading doing my projects for school, I know I'm not going to have a fun time doing it when I actually have a job.

These things were in the back of my mind for awhile, but I didn't say anything to anyone. Because I kind of thought that if I just kept going, I might change my mind.

But after taking this semester off, I was slowly coming to realize that graphic design just wasn't a good plan for me.

I don't have a lot of patience and often tried to get the projects done as quickly as possible and didn't spend as much time on them as I should've. I knew that this was also a bad attribute to have if you were trying to make a living off making art.

So all of this added up into me knowing that graphic design was not a good job for me.

I was terrified to tell anyone because I kind of felt stupid.