Emily

Chapter Fourteen

The next few days passed in a haze.

All Nate found himself doing was working himself to the bone. He did not exit his study for hours at a time and only left to eat.

Mealtimes were a mess, because all he could do was stare longingly at Emily while she did the same to him. All he wanted was to pull her from the room and kiss her soundly and tell her that he didn't care about anything anymore and that he would gladly forsake everything to travel the world with her.

But he could not and did not because that would be a lie. He did care about his responsibilities and he did not wish to abandon them at all, no matter how much he loved her.

His heart, however, refused to listen. It continually directed his mind to places it did not wish to go, like their kiss. He could still taste the bittersweetness of it on his lips. There had been love, longing, pain and sadness in the second kiss they'd shared and, as he pictured it in his head again and again, he could hear the words both of them had spoken in the back of his mind.

He hated the fact that, sometimes, love was not enough. That no matter how much you loved someone and they loved you, it meant nothing if the timing wasn't right. The date of her departure edged closer, with it being only two weeks from then. He could not find it in him to think of that without feeling a sense of melancholy hit him strongly, knocking him straight to the ground.

The few times that he'd caught her eye, he'd seen the same look in her gaze. She wanted him just as much as he wanted her, but was weighted down with that same sadness that reminded them both that to be together was not a possibility as regret would probably enter into the picture eventually. He could see the ghost of a tear constantly in her eyes, threatening to burst forth, and he wasn't ashamed to admit that he had wept that night.

Out of habit, he had even been awoken by the grandfather clock striking midnight and had put on his dressing gown to go downstairs before realising that that was no longer an option. He could not wait for her in the kitchen and have late night conversations with her any longer. No matter how long he waited, she would not come and he could not blame her.

"Are you ready?" A voice asked, drawing Nate from the thought that had been pushing him downwards for a while.

"Huh?" He asked, turning to face his brother-in-law, who he hadn't even noticed had entered the library where Nate had been sitting, a glass of his best whiskey in his hand, entirely undrunk. The feel of it was comforting, but he still couldn't stomach the thought of actually raising the glass to his lips and taking a sip.

"Miss Smithson should be arriving any moment." Kit reminded him, and Nate set his glass down, alarmed. If he was late for this, Cassie would kill him. He could remember enough from the dinner conversations he'd actually participated in instead of pining over Emily that Cassie had been planning everything for Miss Smithson's visit for days. She wanted everything to be perfect, especially since the Smithsons had done quite a bit for the family in the few months after their parents had passed.

"I'd almost forgotten." Nate informed Christopher, before rising to his feet a little too quickly. "Cassandra's going to kill me, isn't she?"

"Not if we don't tell her." Kit said kindly, "Now, the carriage hasn't arrived yet so we have at least five minutes until it does. Cassie has already told the maids to bring up some tea no less than ten minutes after greeting Miss Smithson. She has even planned what time all of us should begin to retire."

"I wonder why she's this excited." Nate mused as they exited the library, which was on the manor house's second floor. "She has never liked Mary all that much, and neither has Allie."