Four Months

21. Not There Yet

I woke up the next few mornings and climbed out my bed. I walked into the mirror and starred at the residual smudged makeup that had been polluted with sweat, tears, and dirt.

I took a wet face towel and wiped the residue off. I dropped the nightgown off my shoulders and let it touch the floor. I bent over to test the waters before stepping in.

I stood under the head. Eyes shut tight. Skin slightly irritated. I let the steam consume me and the warmth pretend to be something I didn't have. Comfort.

I held my body close in my arms. Wishing that I could stay and not have to remember. Remember to eat. Or sleep. Or get out the house. Or shower.

But I remembered. It was my job. Every morning,
The same old activities in the same sequence at the same time.

It laid on the side table near my bed. This list that was mailed to me, from Tanner. My daily plans. What colors I should wear. The route to school. How long I had out to get fresh air, and what time I needed to be back inside.

I didn't see benefit to take it seriously until I woke up to the sight of James gone. My transportion is now walking. I'm even more at the hands of Tanner's men then I was before.

If I just do what he says, then maybe I can be alone. Without being followed and watched. I tell myself that is a test. An "are you fully weened off of Ashton" test. A "can you follow directions test, with or without threats". And my favorite "how much control do I have over you test".

A lot. It's too much, but the thought of trying to stand up for myself when I have men waiting outside my door every morning to a safe following distance behind me every morning, seemed unquestionable.

Today was different. A new stop added to the letter. Taverna Cafe.

I walked into the cafe to be greeted by the pale flushed receptionist. She looked up from the light glowing from the podium and cringed her nose slightly. She blinked a few times before forcing out a "How can I assists you?"

I looked around the dimly lit stone restaurant. I cleared my throat by saying "Tanner Gale". Trying not to appear as weak and fragile as I am.

She squinted her eyes in a nonsensical fashion, before pulling out a tray from underneath a slot in the podium and came from out turning right into the aisles.

I followed closely behind her keeping my head down to avoid the whimsical stares the guest passed to one another as I walked by them in jeans and a long sleeved shirt with a toothpaste stain above my left breast.

"Here," the waitress said. Setting the menu on the edge of the table from facing turning away from me.

She leaned on it slightly, one hip jutted out. She seductively titled her shoulder opposite from me, a motion I know surely exposed more of her top than what was already displayed in the low cut blouse.

I stepped from directly behind and sat down, looking up preparing to meet Tanner.

"Zavs?"

"Ashton?"

"Why are you here" we both said in unison.

Ashton nodded his head to me, motioning to go first.

Did he know about the letters? The intense security and laws I were to abide by. Did he know I'd be here? Or is this something trick Tanner pulled to try and test how strong my feeling still were for Ashton.

"I got a note from one your dads workers to come here and request the table for Tanner Gale. I did, but you were here instead. You know I should I probably go," I rambled, swallowing hard.