The love that drains, your love

Who really by your side ?

It was July when I founded out everybody doesn't want to see you happy. One day I went up to Denby high school because everyone was posting on the gram saying meet at denby park, I gets there and it's a lot of people there as if it was summer ... I saw people there that I knew and also my friends , when we first got there it was fights back to back , one of the girls was my fake little sister that was fighting she won and everything. Later on that day I went to my little sister house cause her sister was having a sleepover, my bestfriend came with me I guess since it was her birthday her mother really didn't care about us leaving out or being loud , we was having fun well I was cause my fat ass kept eating cereal and nachos. The girls was having fun I guess they had people pull up on them , spying on they boo house and everything, once everybody was chilled down and tired we had story time everybody went and told what's was going on in there relationship , when it was my turn I told how I been hurt and that I wished everything was better between Dj and I. I also remember one girl who name was ray ray which was my little sister sibling as well she asked me like ohhh you y'all to Dj I'm like yeah. So a couple weeks later my friends and I threw a party on seven mile , everybody came started partying and having fun . I see the girl ray ray so idk what made me ask her this but I just wanted to know so I walked up to Ray ray like you talk to Dj she like naw girl Ik that's your first love and everything so I'm like ok just asking I walked away feeling dumb asf thinking I knew some shit but back to the party everybody had fun and had a great time. A couple weeks later I go on the girl ray ray insta snap and saw her and Dj they took a picture so I'm like hell nah just hell nah now remind you the girl ray ray ugly asf like literally no hating shit she just not fucking with me period. So I get to texting Dj paragraph after paragraph cussing him THE FUCK OUT, asking him are you serious and that he was embarrassing me , he didn't text back he just opened my message as if I was a dumb girl that doesn't knows nothing, so after that I texted the ugly big tall bitch telling her she was hoe and that she was wrong cause she knew that was my Nigga and when I asked before did she talk to Dj she acted like she had blue balls or something so me and the big bitch going back in fourth with a Nigga face stay in my shit so course I was getting the upper hand on girly but I ended the conversation telling her like we are not the same baby. So a couple weeks after that situation my friends and I linked up to go to the projects to smoke and drink well really my friends cause I barely do that shit but we all gets out the car and guess who I see Dj and big ugly y'all bitch yeah that's right ray ray that girl when I say I was five sec from running to her in jumping on her neck and giving all face shots so she could feel where I was coming from but then again I told my self it wasn't worth it, that night my friends was smoking and having a good time meanwhile I was looking at ray ray and Dj the whole time i wanted to walk up to that bitch so bad but my friends wouldn't let me , so i decided to leave so I wouldn't end up on first 48! When I got home I cried myself to sleep and kept repeating to myself that I'm smart , I'm beautiful and caring over and over again, I also wrote a note to myself that I would read every night it's says    (The love that kills you)❤️🚮
I feel alone 😔 I been repeatedly hurt over and over. It would be sometimes when I would just cry and talk to my wall yeah Ik it sound crazy right 😕 but it's true but the only way I can sleep is if I cry myself to sleep. The pain I'm feeling is ridiculous because I never thought I would be in this situation yeah y'all prolly thinking why you telling us your problems.... I understand that but at the same time I feel as I'm acting different and having mixed emotions That's just came out of nowhere and it's strange but when somebody hurt you I guess anything is possible 💯see love is a drug it will poison you and kill you. So coming from a girl that been there and done that it's okay to feel embarrassed and express your feelings from time to time. I have been thru the struggle and breaking point when it came to love. I was scared to be brave and remember who I was before I knew young love existed. I would try to convince myself that stuff people do isn't there intention I went from being happy everyday to being sad but it would Repeat and repeat🚮. Sometimes I would feel insecure about myself I would look in the mirror and think I'm not pretty enough or worth it for anybody🤷🏽‍♀️. My mind would tell me one thing but my heart would tell me something else. I would try to challenge myself that I can do it and that I could better myself but I always let myself down 😴. I always say I don't need anybody but that's not true at all it would feel nice to have somebody that's really there and listening to me.🗣 threw away his love letters ,thought it would make me feel better I finally got you out my bed but I  still can't get you out my head.🤧 I'm sending you one text at a time ik u by your phone so boy pick up your line and I ain't about to beg so what's been said have been said and I need you to know you don't know what love ,you don't know what love is if you don't put a fight ,cry ,call a million times ,but u never seen it in life. But yeah that's how I ended my night.