La Mort et ses Merveilles ✔

31. I Just Can't Be Without You

La Mort et ses Merveilles

Chapter 31: I Just Can't Be Without You

I couldn't believe it. My first time with Leslie, after what seemed like a beautiful and romantic day ended like this. It was almost like it was some sick joke. How could I ever face him again? That night I heard him run the shower in the bathroom, and when he came back to the room, I wiped away my tears and pretended to sleep. He probably thought I was filthy.

I never said anything as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and whispered a quick 'good night' in my ear. I just lay there, frozen, with my heart thumping in my chest, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment. After a while, when I thought he had long fallen asleep, I just let the tears fall, whimpering pathetically.

"What's wrong?" he murmured as I felt his warm chest press against my back.

I gulped. I thought he had long gone to sleep. Not knowing what to do, I just shut my eyes and kept quiet, but my body tensing up probably betrayed me.

"If you're gonna ignore me then I'm just gonna keep asking you," he said, wrapping his arms around me even tighter now.

"Please let go," I managed to spit out under my tears.

I felt his arms retract and I immediately sat up. In the pale red glow of the candle flames, I noticed him looking at me with his eyes full of concern. Immediately I buried my face in my palms -how could I face him?

"Look it's my fault," he said, his voice quivering. "I-I'm sorry if I made you do something you didn't want to. You said you wanted to, b-but I should've known you were just doing it for me."

"It's not that," I told him.

"Did I go too hard?" he asked, the concern in his voice unwavering.

I shook my head.

"It's my fault okay?" I finally said, at last looking at him directly in the eye. "I just don't know how to face you anymore after all that."

"Hey," he said to me, placing a gentle hand on my bare shoulder. "Just because we did that. . . Doesn't mean I love you less or I think of you as. . . a sex object or anything like that. I'm sure you're tired of listening to me say this, but I love you, okay?"

I would be lying if I said those sweet words of his didn't make me smile ever so slightly.

"Thanks," I muttered. "But it isn't about that."

"Then what is?"

I kept silent for a moment, before I could finally bring those words to my lips. I made sure to avert my gaze -I couldn't look at him.

"About me. . ." I began, the heat rushing to my cheeks. "Shitting on your dick."

Leslie was quiet, and I could feel his eyes burning into me. It was then when I heard him chuckle.

"All of that. . . Just because of this?"

I felt his hand rustled my hair as he laughed, and I could feel my cheeks heat up.

He stopped laughing, probably after realising how red it was making me.

"Sorry," he said, running his hand through my hair. "But honestly, it's okay. It's an accident."